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Parenting

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Original poster

alarmed-help?

14 replies

merlin1 · 01/03/2009 18:56

My two children, aged 3 and 8 have just come back from their dads for the weekend.

My youngest daughter, aged 3 has told me that she had a bath with my ex partners new partner [a female], [who've been living together for a year].

I think this is inappropriate. Why is there a need for a grown woman to have a bath with a three year old who isn't her child. Am I being unreasonable?

I wouldn't have a bath with my nieces or nephews and yet we are very close...I wouldn't feel that was ok.

Would appreciate what you think, thanks. Was going to post on the lone parent forum, but actually I think this is a general 'parenting' thing and tbh, I'm a bit worried. Don't know what to do.

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littlelamb · 01/03/2009 18:58

I wouldn't be happy about it either. I don't know that 'alarmed' is the right word though. Just puzzled as to why she would do it iyswim. Did your dd maybe ask her to come in the bath? I know my dd always asks to get in with my mum whenever we see her, which isn't often tbh, a couple of times a year.

Disenchanted3 · 01/03/2009 18:59

Worried why?

I dont find it 'odd or worrying'.

But probably wouldn't be happy because it was exs new partner IYKWIM.

Nothing sinister.

But if you are not happy you need to tell your Ex.

littlelamb · 01/03/2009 18:59

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

supergluebum · 01/03/2009 19:02

Eek! It's a tough one if your partner and his partner think they are building a lasting relationship with your DC, but there are so many better ways of doing it tbh.
Double check that your 3 year did actually have a bath with her and not with her iykwim!
But Thinking about it, it would creep me out a bit too and I do think it's inappropriate.
I'm relating it to the relationship my DH has with his step mother who's been there for almost his entire life (married to his dad for 25 years as opposed to his own mother for 7).

He still doesn't feel closer to her than his own mum, although he does love her! And I don't think she would have ever contemplated bathing with the step children!

Original poster

merlin1 · 01/03/2009 19:05

I know what you mean, and thanks. The kids will sometimes have a bath with me and it's ok...I am their mum! I just think it's odd that my ex's new gf would think it's ok to be totally naked in front and in a bath a 3 year old and naked in front of an 8 year old boy. What about boundaries and appropriatness?
[regardless if it's ex partners new gf or not].

OP posts:

Yurtgirl · 01/03/2009 19:09

I dont think I have ever had a bath with my children I havent had one in over 3 years (showers rule!)

I wouldnt be comfortable with this situation either - I would tactfully raise the matter with her or ex h and express your opinion if it were me.

UndertheBoredwalk · 01/03/2009 19:09

I don't think I'd be alarmed either, there doesn't seem to be anything sinister about it. It is odd though, and I wouldn't feel comfortable with ex's dp (been together years and I like her) sharing a bath with my DD, although I can't really put my finger on why.

littlelamb · 01/03/2009 19:09

I think if it was in front of the 8 year old then yes it's definately inappropriate. Do you mean they were all bathing together??

choufleur · 01/03/2009 19:13

I can see why it would be inappropriate for an 8 year old boy but not with a 3 year old girl. I've got undressed in front of friends' children before, although i haven't had a bath with them. Is it more to do with it being your ex's partner?

i can't see anything sinsiter in it though - i guess it's her way of building the relationship.

supergluebum · 01/03/2009 19:15

Maybe if the 3 (or 4 of you if you have a partner) want to make this work in the long run and you want your ex to be happy and be with his children, then you need to be open about how you feel.
Perhaps she's just very comfortable with bathing with your DC and didn't occur to her it was an issue. But you could raise it that they prefer to bath together?

Personally I'm with Yurtgirl, bathing with kids is just plain uncomfortable and difficult, showers are they way forward!

Why does this woman want to open herself upto the "what's that?" and "why are your boobs like that?" questions or possibly hasn't realised!

Personally I don't need 20 questions when I have a bath or a wee for that matter. "what's that white string?" etc etc

Disenchanted3 · 01/03/2009 19:29

Hello LittleLamb

piratecat · 01/03/2009 19:39

same happened to me, 4 yrs back, when dd was 3. I wasn't happy only becuase i knew she was doing it to try and 'be' the new great step mummy, and i also just didn't think she had enough respect for my dd's situation generally. This involved just being intolerent to dd when she was upset, etc... So i felt very uncomfortable that she thought it ok to play mum.

I did mention it to my ex, it took guts but i said something very direct, like 'oh and dd said she had a bath with ....., i don't want that to happen again '.

Original poster

merlin1 · 01/03/2009 19:47

Thanks, no it was not all three! It was my ex p's new partner and my 3 year old daughter. Then they got out and my son got in their dirty water [yuk] to have his bath...he tells me that she often walks around naked and she dried off in front of him!
Yes, I know that my son sees nudity, and yes I take him to the mixed changing room at the pool. It's just 'the bath' seems weird.

No, it is not because I am jelous or because it's my ex's new partner.

He and I are no longer in communication, it is all done through my solicitor because of his behaviour towards me in the past. So, I can't just mention it either!

OP posts:

devilisunaccomplishedinprada · 01/03/2009 23:33

I don't really know your situation but I used to get baths with my DSD all the time. But then she lives with us so probably a bit different. I used to get baths with my dds all the time, but then we moved and have now got the most glorious shower so no longer do.

If he's been with her for over a year and the children are in regular contact with her and know her well then I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

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