Can I have you opinions on this... not sure what my thoughts are?

[Rubysmom08]

When leaving my dd1 with her Grandparents (either set) should I expect them to do as I do when at home or do as they want to do?

The reason I ask is that I have just started to leave dd once a week for an afternoon and I know that my mom and mil are completely different in the way they have brought their children up. I am not a disciplinarion as dd is still only young but I do instill some sort of order and she has a good routine.

I don't want to mar their experience and enjoyment of their time with dd by give them a strict list of do's and don't... kind of thing I mean is:

Opening kitchen cupboards and letting dd empy entire contents... standing back and saying it is adorable, I don't mind it on occasion but when dd got home today she proceeded to want to empty kitchen cupboards and when I explained to her no she had a tantrum.

That kind of thing. I know I am anal at times and this why I am asking your advice... what boundaries do you put in place?

When dd2 was younger I did say what time for naps and feeds, never bothered with that for dd1 though.

I think it's only an afternoon and though its hard they will eventually learn what is ok at one place is not ok at another.

How old is your dd?

I would relax a little. They will only find it adorable so many times and after a couple of weeks will not appreciate clearing it up.

my dd1 is 13 months and I am expecting dd2 in May! Madness!

My dd gets looked after each week by no fewer than four family members, so we've had to get used to her experiencing very different parenting styles. I am intensely relaxed about her getting spoilt when with her granny, and doing loads of things that wouldn't happen at home. I think they learn very quickly that there's different rules in different places - I don't think this is confusing like it would be if you were inconsistent with her.

So my advice is to keep your rules/boundaries to the minimum. Think through what is truly important to you, draw up a list, then halve it, then choose no more than three things that REALLY matter and discuss them with the gps.

They soon learn (children I mean) that they can do some things in some houses or with some people but the same things are not acceptable in other places.

I'd relax if I were you - one afternoon a week won't hurt.

It's special grandparent time and it's an important but different relationship to the one you will have with your DD. Just let them enjoy it together.

I make it clear to my parents what I expect in terms of behaviour, for example they know where I stand on throwing balls indoors, hitting, and how I want ds disciplined etc etc, that's not to say they stick to my rules but like others have said I think they soon learn where and with who they can get away with things with.
My ds is 18m and loves taking pots and pans out of the cupboards, I allow him to do this because he know's he has to put them back himself

IME children are quite capable of learning that different households have different rules. Also, I found it useful to have one cupboard in the kitchen that dd was allowed to empty, as long as she left the rest alone. She learnt this at a very young age.

i think its good for children to learn we do some things in certain places but not in others.
maybe get your dd a couple of toy pans and make big thing of putting away in box.ikea do lovely ones.

Your house your rules. If it's annoying you tell them the effect it has. They may have a "safe" cupboard that she can do it with - it is a good game. We used to have a low cupboard where the tupperware was and I'd sit my daughter in front of it so she could play the game, but not any of the other cupboards. She's 20 months now and is past that stage.
I have the same discipline as my parents so we're OK there and my daughter earned the highest compliment from my Mum of being "biddable"!!
I have a thing with my outlaws about them putting her in disposable nappies when I make up the real nappies especially so it is easy for them. They've been trying to pretend they don't! I'll let it go though as they don't have her a lot and it doesn't cause any harm. I have banned those hard boiled lollies though as they're a choke hazard, rot your teeth and I never liked them as a child anyway!

I'd say lucky you being able to leave them with grandparents.. don't jepordize it!! if it really annoys you make a joke of it with the grandparents and hopefully they'll take your point without it becoming an issue..

Your parents brought you up - and your pil brought up your dp. You have both grown up OK. Leave the gps to it, I say, and thank heavens that you can leave your dcs with them. Start laying down too many rules and they may find a last minute Saga holiday to go on, then where would you be??

Oh, and emptying a kitchen cupboard is one of the inalienable rights of babydom

thanks for the advice ladies. My dh thinks I am barmy! It has taken me a whole year to leave dd with my pil as I suffered seperation issues and also as my mil was so over enthusiastic I had terrible ideas about her stealing my baby- ultimately a few conselling sessions later and all is fine!

I have to say I am a bit proud of myself of leaving her and actually half looking forward to next time I leave her- thank god for mumsnet!!

Let them do their own thing within reason, I say. They have to grow up learning that people are different, with different rules and boundaries.