Diplomacy tips needed please - irritating grandparent pet name

[IrritatingPetName]

Resisted posting this in AIBU (deep down I probably am) but something is really bothering me and I'd appreciate some advice from all you lovely minor family dilemma experts

My MIL and FIL use a ridiculous name for 'grandad' that sets my teeth on edge. They used it for their other, now teenaged, grandchildren, it always bothered me then, but hey - none of my business, right?

However, now its being used for their new little GD, who is just getting to the talking stage, but a probably few months off and I feel I really want to nip it in the bud before we get stuck with it forever.

How, oh how, do I approach this knotty problem without causing offence, turning it into a big deal?

We don't see them that often, as they don't live close by, but we have weekly phone-calls and will soon be going away on holiday with them. I have an okay relationship with them, but not bosom buddies, so it's not something I could slip in casually.

Oh and before you ask - DH is no help on this. He agrees with me, but doesn't feel strongly about this kind of thing. Men, hey?

My mum chose a completely ridculous name to be called. In laws are grandma and grandpa. My dad is grandad and then my mum, well honestly the boys are not going to be calling her by her chosen name when they are older. But what the heck lifes to short to argue adn she seems to think its cute or something!.

We told PIL that I was pregnant in Nandos, and told them that they could choose what they wanted to be called. We even joked that MIL could be Nando! Can you see where this is going? After DD was born they announced that they wanted to be known as 'Nando' and 'Grando'

I don't especially mind them using it but DH and I just can't bring ourselves to say it, so we call them Nan and Grandad. DD can call them whatever she wants when she's old enough. Tbh, I'm more annoyed that she refers to DD by her own name (the name's are quite similar) but I'm trying to ignore it.

MIL calls ds Munchkin, which makes me cringe.
My own mother refers to both my children as "My Babies" - as in "give my babies a kiss for me", which also gives me a surge of irritation each time she says it.

I wouldnt feel the need to say anything though, they have their own seperate relationships, they can call each other what they want within reason .

Crikey, I thought it was going to be something really awful!!! Pappa's ok, not something I'd particularly choose, (ds calls my dad Grandad and dh's dad Grandad Barry) but it's certainly not something to fuss about.

By the way, my dad always called ds "bub" when he was a baby, and my brother still calls him Herbert.
Can't see a problem, tbh, ds has always known his real name, pet names are a sign of affection and should be treated as such. Couldn't imagine asking my db not to use a nickname, I'd be laughed out of the room and told to stop being so precious!

I called my grandfather Papa - just what the family had done in previous generations though I was the first grandchild. My parents and PIL decided themselves, again choosing what their parents had been called. DS1 then said Dad-Dad instead of Grandad which has now stuck for both Grandads. My Papa is now Great Dad-Dad. I think you have to let them and the kids decide I'm afraid.

My Granny liked to be called Nana while I was growing up..I was stupidly embarrassed by this when I was a self conscious teen and referred to her as Granny to other people

my brother and SIL don't like the name my sister's children call my dad. So brother's children and sister's children use different names for Grandpa. DD uses the name my sister's children use or sometimes a combination of both as she was last to come along. On that basis I would say you have some say over what your child will say.

My partners parents really wind me up by saying things like "wheres my wayne" (scottish west coast thing) I HATE it! They also shout OYE! at him and he gets a real fright! going to have to put a stop to it as my blood boils everytime they shout at him!
He is only 20months old, but I have no idea of how to approach the situation without upsetting them. Any ideas?
Pappa isnt too bad really !

i totally get you on this. papa means daddy. hate when gps won't just be gps!!!

Crazy MIL says pappa for shit, as she doesnt like the word poo

Nothing to do with the debate, just thought Id throw that into the mix, thats all .

This thread is great! I have divorced PILs so double the trouble. MIL chose the name Baba. Pronounced 'bubba' it makes me think of a biker, but it's traditional for a Jewish grandmother. My FIL is Zaida. MIL refers to her husband as Zaida too, so we add his name to distinguish from the grandfather...and he gets offended saying its disrespectful to be called by his name by a child . FIL's wife doesn't seem to care, and rarely sees the children, so that's easy enough.
And then there's my mother...who refuses to be referred as to a grandparent at all. She once told me off for calling her "my mother" even! She tried going for Grandmother Pamela for a while, but you try and get a new talker to say all that. So now she's "Pamela" to them, having reverted to her full name from Pam in the last couple of years. Whatever keeps them mostly happy!

oh right maveta...yeah, thn it doesn't really make sense

Can I throw in PoPo? That was my paternal grandfather - apparently my brother called him that as a toddler and it stuck. Now that was embarrassing.

MIL is Nanny to the DCs - a IL family thing. To me (have married down - can you tell ?) a Nanny is someone you pay to look after your children. But I'm stuck with it.

lol, now popo would crack me up...seeing that in germany popo is the "endearing" term for bottom...

am LOVING this thread - fairlady - am also of german descent and was going to say that...

my mentalist MIL insists on being called "Grammy" in honour of her own american grandmother (mentalist MIL comes, however, from shropshire and lives in north wales). mentalist FIL insists on being called "Taid" (pronounced "tide") as the Welsh for grandfather, even though he doesn't speak or sound Welsh (but am willing to forgive him).

my mentalist MIL also insists on calling my dd (whom we named after much deliberation Rosanna Annelie - second name after my mum who died 7 years ago), wait for it... "Tuppence Rosebud". with both names being a euphemism for lady's bits, she is effectively calling my dd "vagina vagina" or indeed, as dh says "fanny vag". puts a whole new spin on the thing when MIL asks "how's my little Tuppence?"

i'm not against nicknames per se, but it is the artificiality of it all which gets me - she has to use either Tuppence or Rosebud in EVERY SENTENCE SHE UTTERS. "how's Tuppence/is that Tuppence i can hear/send Tuppence my love/Tuppence what are you doing?" etc ad infinitum...

mind you, she drives me insane anyway - i think your attitude to other people's nicknames says more about your general relationship with them than anything. i have found myself calling dd "chicken" a lot, which even i can't understand - i don't like it particularly, but it just keeps coming out of my mouth. mind you, she is only 8 weeks old, so it may change again to something equally inappropriate.

just wanted to add that my dad wants to be called... wait for it... grandpa. i LOVE my dad!

My Dad was Grandpa, but DD got the hang of Papa a lot quicker and it stuck. I love it, especially as it's a bit different.

I have a similar thing with MIL who is supposed to be Nanny but insists on calling herself Nana (my mum's name). I just ignore it and make a point of calling her Nanny and always buying birthday/Christmas card with Nanny on in bloody great letters

I agree that they can call themselves whatever they choose. For me the issue was that SIL had her DC and it was decided that PIL would be called Grandma and Grandpa.

When we had our DS, still Grandma and Grandpa. However when my nephew starting talking and said their names in 'cute toddler speak' they all stuck with it and repeat his way of saying it.

Now they expect my DS to say it the same way and always refer to themselves by their 'nicknames' Know it is petty ... but it does annoy me.

MIL and FIL, sign off cards as Nanny and Granda. I hate nanny, nana or any derivative, and Granda, it's bloody grand dad, but as one of you said earlier, the amount you hate the names depends on your relationships with the folk in question.

I dont even like the way they pronounce dds name and am thinking of testing potential new baby names on them to check for correct pronunciation .

Love papa.

My Dad was known as Grandad by DS, which was fine by me but quite honestly I wouldn't mind what he called himself. He died two years ago and now DS has no grandfather at all. It is one of my biggest regrets that he will not remember my dad and not have the opportunity to enjoy the grandfather/grandson relationship. I would just be grateful your DC (a) has a grandfather and (b) has one who wants to spend time with his GC.

In my family, everyone just gets called Bruce.

Far simpler.

It's the Australian (Monty Python) version of that highly un-PC joke about entire families in Essex being called Wayne.

It also means that little sisters' boyfriends know they've made it big-time when my parents call them Bruce

We had exactly the same situation - my MIL started calling herslef "Nunnie" to my DD1 when she was born....that was her eldest grandson's name for her, but it was his name for her...

We just called her Grannie all the time, sent her lots of things "To Grannie" and she got the hint that she could carry on being Nunnie to our Nephews, but she was going to be Grannie to our girls.

A friend's grandfathers were known as Pappa and Man. I thought it was quite cool - I just had Grandad and Grandad Seaside. If that's what he calls himself fair enough - he has his own relationship with his granddaughter which you can only observe. My children have no grandparents and I am so sad everyday they will never have their own little jokes and names which are nothing to do with me. You can refer to him as 'your grandad' if you hate it but I think - in the words of 'Big Dog Little Dog' - why make big problems out of small ones?