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Original poster

Diplomacy tips needed please - irritating grandparent pet name

105 replies

IrritatingPetName · 13/02/2009 10:38

Resisted posting this in AIBU (deep down I probably am) but something is really bothering me and I'd appreciate some advice from all you lovely minor family dilemma experts

My MIL and FIL use a ridiculous name for 'grandad' that sets my teeth on edge. They used it for their other, now teenaged, grandchildren, it always bothered me then, but hey - none of my business, right?

However, now its being used for their new little GD, who is just getting to the talking stage, but a probably few months off and I feel I really want to nip it in the bud before we get stuck with it forever.

How, oh how, do I approach this knotty problem without causing offence, turning it into a big deal?

We don't see them that often, as they don't live close by, but we have weekly phone-calls and will soon be going away on holiday with them. I have an okay relationship with them, but not bosom buddies, so it's not something I could slip in casually.

Oh and before you ask - DH is no help on this. He agrees with me, but doesn't feel strongly about this kind of thing. Men, hey?

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Original poster
IrritatingPetName · 13/02/2009 11:14

I could possibly get DH involved with Nicole style gentle-ribbing, without seeming like a mean old witch.

The pronounciation isn't quite right: emphasis on pappa, still it's worth a go...

OP posts:
mistlethrush · 13/02/2009 11:15

When ds started talking, for some reason he couldn't manage 'Grandpa', so called Grandpa (FiL) 'Grandma' instead, much to dh's and my glee. Unfortunately he changed this to 'PomPom' for a while, then Grandpa - we did try to keep with the 'PomPom' for a while but it just wouldn't stick . MiL is called by the name that our oldest niece called her by as she couldn't say her name and MiL doesn't want to be Grandma. My parents are quite happy being Granny and Grandad though....

Original poster
IrritatingPetName · 13/02/2009 11:19

Ah, yes the age-denial not wanting to be grandma/grandpa. Yes , this is also a factor I feel...

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GrinnyPig · 13/02/2009 11:20

But don't grandparents make their own choice about what to be called by their grandchildren?

I don't think pappa is a ridiculous name btw. It's the norm in many parts of Scotland.

PerArduaAdAmor · 13/02/2009 11:22

When DS first started talking, Granny and Grandpa somehow turned into 'Gammy Buggers'. Oh how I wish it had stuck [evil]

AnarchyAuntSaysRomanceIsDead · 13/02/2009 11:24

DD's grandfather is known as GaGa - this is what she used to say when she was about 18m and it has stuck.

Pappa is rather nice I think!

basementbear · 13/02/2009 11:24

LOL at Gammy buggers!!

MrsJoeMcIntyre · 13/02/2009 11:39

Yes, my mum is definitely experiencing that denial, which leads to the Woo Woo issue. It's just awful though when people say, 'What does dd call your mum? Gran? Nan? Grandma?' Errrr, no, Woo Woo.

kiltycoldbum · 13/02/2009 11:50

who cares, there will be a time when theyre not around anymore and youll think "well what harm was it really?" they love your dc they will love them, whats it matter what they call themselves as long as theyre loving involved grandparents!

WinkyWinkola · 13/02/2009 12:00

That argument, "They'll be dead soon so let them do what they want," is really stupid.

However, Pappa wouldn't get on my nerves unless I felt the grandparent in question was trying to be a papa or father. I can't think of any other reason for it to annoy.

I'd pick my battles, if I were you.

It's pretty likely your DD will call him 'Grandpa' if you refer to him as Grandpa when they're not around and even if they are around.

kiltycoldbum · 13/02/2009 12:51

not really stupid more just a fact. in the grand scheme of things how bad is it really?

onlinemummy · 13/02/2009 13:46

Your DD will come up with her own way of saying it which will hopefully stick. At least that's what I am hoping too. My PIL insist on calling themselves by the 'cute' names that my nephew who is older than my DS called them by when he was a toddler. The fact that my DS who is 2 doesn't say either of their names in the same way as his cousin doesn't seem to deter them! They even sign cards in this way!

Blondeshavemorefun · 13/02/2009 14:03

pappa is nice

unfortunally my friends mil calls her grandchild

lambikins

drives my friend POTTY

cory · 13/02/2009 14:17

WinkyWinkola on Fri 13-Feb-09 12:00:35
"That argument, "They'll be dead soon so let them do what they want," is really stupid. "

I don't know. I often wish that my mum could have managed to be less touchy about my grandma (annoying as the woman undoubtedly was). Because I never got the chance to form any other relationship with her which was not overshadowed by their mutual dislike. And she was my nan. I wanted that.

ProfYaffle · 13/02/2009 14:26

I do see where you're coming from but I dont' think it's worth getting wound up about.

I had similar with pil who referred to fil as 'Pa', it irritated me for no good reason and I continued to refer to him as Grandad but dd1 picked up on the other cousins using it and fell in with them. For the life of me I can't remember why it bothered me so much.

My Mum and Dad on the other hand, allowed dd1 to to call my Dad 'dada' and were obviously delighted it sounded like 'daddy'. dh and I felt quite strongly about that and after some coaching from us she eventually started calling him Grandad. No cousins to influence on that side of the family though.

Pappa seems harmless enough to me.

Iklboo · 13/02/2009 14:29

DS calls my dad 'pops'

Pappa is better than something like, ooh, i dunno c*ntface or something

Grammaticus · 13/02/2009 14:37

Pappa is harmless, I think you should let it go. Otherwise you're being a bit controlling, I think (don't mean to offend you).

babyphat · 13/02/2009 17:27

i do sympathise OP as my FIL wishes to be known as 'Pops', which makes me absolutely cringe. But I figured as long as I don't have to refer to him as that dd can call him what she likes (I call him 'Granddad [the town they are from]' to differentiate from my dad). Although at present she is too small to know one way or the other. Pappa actually makes me think of a nice Antonio Carluccio Granddad taking the kids to forage for mushrooms etc

feedthegoat · 13/02/2009 17:33

I don't think pappa is that bad. My ds calls my mum 'baa'. No idea why. In itself it doesn't bother me but if a stranger says something in reference to her being his grandma she says 'Oh no I'm his Baa' then wanders off leaving them ! Quizzed her on this and she just says 'But I am his Baa...'

purplemonkeydishwasher · 13/02/2009 18:07

actually i've just remembered that my cousin just had a baby and my uncle calls himself PAPPY.

yuck.a.doo.

ThePgHedgeWitchIsCrankyBeware · 13/02/2009 20:38

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Original poster
IrritatingPetName · 15/02/2009 12:55

it has evolved to 'paps' at further adult initiation (not mine). Issue was well and truly ducked (again) by me. Went out quite a lot

OP posts:
bronze · 15/02/2009 12:59

We have a grumps. Its what the first gc called him and everyone else seems to have followed suit. It saves confusion and I only have to say it to the children I'm allowed to call him by his name myself so it doesn't bother me.

FairLadyRantALot · 15/02/2009 13:00

hmm...noting wrong with pappa...not sure why it is such an issue for you....

but woowoo...now that had me pmsl...not sure who posted that....

Tortington · 15/02/2009 13:05

i always held the principle that the fathers mother should be the grandmother, and the mothers mother should be the nan.

however dh's um insisted on being a nan and i hated it, she insisted.

maturity age and hindsight lead me to a - who gives a fuck, it makes them happy right? and even if you barely tolerate them - its hardly a bad trait - to make someone happy - so just think - your a good erson...aren't you?