Leaving Baby Overnight for 1st time

[Lizzer]

HELP! I know I may sound faintly ridiculous given the age of my daughter but I am about to leave her with my parents overnight for the first time ever - the first time I have ever left her overnight full stop. She'll be nearly 18 months by then (next month)and she goes to bed fine with a drink, it will be in her own cot (as we live with my parents), she sleeps til 6 or 7am usually. BUT, I feel nervous already of the thought of her waking in the morning (or in the night as she does sometimes) and me not being there for her and bringing her into my bed for a cuddle and snooze. What if she screams blue murder for my Mum or gets really distressed, or hates me forever?!! I'm beginning to feel like maybe I shouldn't go as it's only a friend's leaving do, taking place 2 hours away, but then I think but I'd love to have a night out, then feel guilty, then feel....argh!!
Has anyone got any experiences or advice that will help me feel less worried as I think I'm just going to have such a miserable time worrying about her it won't be worth it!
Thanks in advance....

Lizzer, Oh yes, I know how you feel. It's a big step towards independence for you both. You do not say if your parents babysit when you go out for a few hours in the the evening. If not, could they do this once or twice before the big night, for a dry run? Means you get some evenings out, too! and you can stay local and on call for any problems.

And do you have access to a mobile phone? This would be extremely useful, especially for your night away.

When we use baby sitters, I always ensure all nappies and other vital paraphenalia is easily to hand, along with spare clothes and bedding. I do everything I can to make life easy for the sitter so they can concentrate on my children's needs.

As for your daughter waking up in the night or early morning, could you agree with your parents to carry her some mornings to their bed, not yours, for a cuddle, so she get used to this? She must be very accustomed to them anyway, as you are living in the same house.

I do hope you go to this 'do' and enjoy yourself. I'm sure other mumsnet members will give you lots more practical advice. I can't think of anything else to add apart from lucky, lucky, you for having two good babysitters on tap.

Lizzer ,don't worry. Your baby is so lucky to know your mum so well, she wont find it peculiar that there's Granny appearing at her bedside. Best of all your babe will be in her own bed and her own environment. She sleeps through so there are no worries there. Your mum will be so sensitive to her needs and they will be so fine together! We left first babe when he was 15 months, and he was fine, not a teeny bit out of routine or anything, bit clingy when I got back, but thats to be expected.

We went away recently and my parents came here, little one (same age as yours was fine - first time I'd left him overnight too) he had great delight in showing Granny things, what she had to do, he kept pressing microwave buttons (eg for milk) poor mother had no idea how to use the microwave but got the idea! they had a great time and I know my mum really enjoyed it having them to herself. She got so many cuddles.

So basically Lizzer what I am saying is GO! You will have a great time, I know you wont stop thinking about her!!!! But do try - have a drink and let your hair down. You really deserve to treat yourself. Not EVERY night of course, ha ha we wish, but once in 18 months really is allowed! PS: She wont hate you forever, she wont remember. She loves you, you're her mummy!

Thanks Tigermoth and Ems,
Yeah, I know I'm luckier than most on the babysitting front and my Mum has had her for a whole day once before when I went shopping (bliss!)and they are so close anyway, she's more like another parent really - and she always gets cuddles from Grandma when Mummy's on the warpath! I do go round to a friend's house once a week or occasionally out to a pub (shock, horror!) but I always put her to bed and get her settled before I leave so she's non the wiser to my absence and I'm only 2 minutes away. But thanks for putting my mind at (semi) rest with your own experience, I'm sure it'll be fine, I have my mobile, I have my car, if worst comes to the worst I could leave... And then I start thinking 'mmmm... I'm going out in the middle of Manchester though, I could get mugged, stabbed, shot...'

I AM looking forward to it, really, I'm glad it is seen as a big step and I'm not the most paranoid scaredy-cat mother in the world! I'll keep repeating the mantra "she won't hate me, I'm her mummy, she won't hate me, I'm her....!!"
I'll let you know how it goes...

Lizzer, hope it goes (has gone?) well. We first left our eldest overnight (for two nights) when he was 13 months old, and I was crying my eyes out in the car when we left to fill up with petrol. He was fine though. A word of warning though, this did directly result in the birth of number two nine months later!

Ha ha, Kmg! Doubt there's much chance of that happening, but I have been talking to people and am feeling confident about it at the moment (saying that, yesterday I was telling everyone I wasn't going to go!) I've discussed it at length with my Mum and she's going to sleep in my bed (as me and baby still share room - I know, I know I'm rubbish aren't I!! )so I feel better about that and it's all systems go. Only problem is it's not for another month yet, ha ha! I'm sure I'll be crying too when it comes to the day!

Lizzer - I still share the same room with my son aged 21 months and I share your feelings exactly. In fact until very recently we shared the bed. However he now sleeps the first part and the last part of the night in his cot just opposite and the bit in between next to me. I am sure she will be fine as they do develop a sense of time and realise that when you go away you will come back. Having all the rest of her surroundings just the same will make it a lot easier. We rarely go out and one night we did go out together for the evening when our son was about 16 months - I thought he would be in a right state but he was fine. My sister, husband and nephew looked after him who he only sees every month or so but no problem. Hope you have a great night.

Lizzer, you are not rubbish for sharing a room/bed with your daughter, you daft thing. It's not a crime! You sound like a great mum with good back-up planning a well-deserved night out to me. I hope you have an excellent time and I am sure your daughter will be fine. I know how you feel - our son still beds down with us most nights (more rubbish parents!) and the fact is it does make you more anxious about leaving them to go out in the evening. Good for you for plucking up the courage.

Oh thanks girls you're great!
I know in my heart I'm doing what's right for me and my daughter, but I get so much stick from other people about still sharing a room. I tend just to lie and say there isn't enough bedrooms in the house ( but in fact she has a lovely playroom which could easily hold a cot! ) I don't know what it is with people and their opinions, but at least I didn't get pressured about feeding - my friend's baby is now 12 weeks and everyone around her is saying 'right, time to give up breast-feeding now' - like WHAT??!! I've told her to stick to her guns, but it's hard when it's you, the 'new Mum' who 'knows nothing' against the world, isn't it?!
Anyhow I'm actually starting to feel excited now about going out thanks to everyone's words of wisdom and praise, roll on June...!!!

Lizzer, I don't know what you are worried about, my kids are 5.5 & 3.5 and have never slept without either myself or dh there! This is not through choice, it's just that we have no-one who would be able to look after them overnight (or is it that I don't trust anyone to look after them overnight?). Anyway, next weekend is the big one - eldest daughter is going on her first sleepover at friends house. We still have youngest, so can't imagine ourself young & childfree, but you never know - I may be able to palm them both off one day! Seriously, I love them both dearly but I think it would do us all good to get a weekend break.
BTW, I have frequently gone out for a night in Manchester & have not got mugged, stabbed or anything else. Whereabouts are you going?

Hi Debsb,
I'm not sure where yet, my friend has lived there for 2 years so I'm sure she knows some good places, do you recommend anywhere though? I'm actually dreading being dragged out to a club full of people who are either too young, too drunk or too arrogant... or all three! I fear my clubby, studenty days (daze) are well behind me now I'm a proper grown up with child (mmm..), but my friends are all young, free and single (well actually I'm single BUT definitely NOT free!)Don't want to end up in hell-hole!

Lizzer, My eldest didn't leave our bed permanently until he was just over 4 and a half. The youngest (who I breast-fed until he was just over 2, against alot of pressure to give up!!!) at almost 4 and a half, is still in bed with us for part of the night at least. They both slept with us as babies and are very tactile, cuddly children without being clingy - if you know what I mean. There's nothing wrong with sharing your room and /or bed with your kids for as long as everyone is happy with the arrangement. The eldest decided that he was going to his own bed because he was going to start 'big school' soon and by then it was a little crowded with me, his father and his younger brother in there as well!!!!
I used to feel so guilty about going out and leaving them ( afterall, who could possibly know them like me?! ) but now the youngest, with a little preparation is happy to be left and I skip out of the door gleefully when I get the rare chance to go out! The joy of being able to swear in the car without worrying if the kids have heard!!!

Thanks Mel, I'm pleased to hear I'm not alone, I really don't mind my daughter being in my bed, it's rather nice as I don't have a partner so there's tons of room and we keep each other warm!

Lizzer, sorry I can't give too many tips about where to go, I fear my clubbing days are over - I'm usually sleep by 10:30. When we go, we usually go round the Castlefields area. Although last time we ended up at the Conti club - definately NOT recommended, although guaranteed to get you lots of male attention if you are under 50 & still breathing!

Oh, and it's v cheap to get in also, esp if you qualify on those last 2 counts.

Ha ha Debsb! Maybe I'll give it a miss! Being single on a night out really worries me actually. It'll be my first time since splitting up with ex and having my daughter that it's happened - that's 4 and a half years -AAARGH!! - maybe this is what I'm REALLY scared of!

Lizzer, for some reason I've found it a lot easier going out after I've had the kids (desperate to escape?). I've also found that I've not lacked for any attention either (if you know what I mean). Perhaps it's because I'm neither single nor free, so I just intend to go out and have a good time, lots of laughs & dancing & then home again, without any worries about whether I'm making a good impression or not. I'm not sure whether this would be the case if I were actually thinking starting another relationship. Anyway, let me know where you end up and if its any good - it may be somewhere we should be going.

Yeah definitely Debsb! I've all intentions of just going out and having good time, totally wouldn't want to 'go on the pull' or anything like that. I guess I just feel a bit vunerable at the moment generally so I'm hoping my lack of self confidence won't ruin my night....

I've gone on about it so much now you can guarantee it'll either all go pear shaped, or I'll get back and be like, 'yeah it was okay, bit boring really, nothing exciting happened' Ha Ha!!

I left my daughter with my parents over night for the first time at the week end, she is 1 on Sunday. She was totally fine and really well behaved.
a) Why didn't I do this before as my parents love it?
b)Why do I feel so bad that she was fine when I leave her at a childminders 5 days a week?

Slight snigger at the title - leaving baby alone. My baby spent her first night without either myself or my husband on Saturday - she is 5.5 (years not months)! She had a sleepover with her friend and had a great time. Fairly worn out though - went to bed at 6:00 last night. Anyway, I got over the mad urge to ring up every hour to see how she was, and now can't wait until little sis (3.5) is old enough for sleepovers too. Perhaps we can give them both away for the weekend (or is that just a pipe dream?). Anyway, only problem now is I'm committed to having 2 extra little girls to a sleepover at my place - any top tips?

Top tip, tried and tested, recommended to me by a friend: When planning the sleepover, arrange that the visiting little girls are collected (or you drop them home)just after breakfast the next morning. When my children have sleepovers, 'sleep' is something that happens late and ends early. The morning after escapades of a gang of over-tired, over-excited children can be more than you'll want to deal with - and can spoil the memories of a lovely sleepover evening.

Other tips: Stock up with some small surprises and treats for instant diversion at opportune moments. Keep some children's video films in reserve for the same reason.

And while your home is being taken over, just think of all the favours you are putting into the favour bank!

Tigermoth, thanks for the tip. This time we went round to the mums for coffee & I ended up bringing one little friend back for the afternoon. Its slightly different though, as they have known each other for ever and the other 2 mums are personal friends, but I can see what you mean about tired, I may well suggest that one next time.

Kate71,
If you're like me you feel bad because you leave your child with a childminder all week. The logic goes..'I have to leave the children to work as that's a necessity but leaving them for the evening/weekend is a shameless act of self indulgence'. Or at least this is how it works for me! Still feel terrible if I leave them even for an evening out! I suppose guilt just goes with the territory!

HELLO! Ems, Lisa and anyone else who's interested! I did it! I'm back from Manchester and had a great time -fantastic food, good company, thought music was too loud in club so must be getting old (luckily all my (childless) friends felt the same, so nothing to do with being a parent!) We drank far too much but I managed to walk in killer heels, which is a rarity nowadays! AND YES My darling daughter was FINE... come on then, altogether "we told you so!!!"....she didn't bat an eyelid, the only thing she said to my Mum was "Mummy?" when she woke in the morning and when Mum told her I was in the car (she had waved me off) she shrugged her shoulders and said "okay...breakfast, breakfast!!"
I am so relieved and feel like a new woman! I had such a lovely time sunbathing without interuptions yesterday morning and doing the whole 'girly' thing, it was fantastic! I even managed to look in the mirror and think 'mmm, you look great' instead of being Miss paranoid and hiding in the corner all night. The only near disaster was that I went to get my hair cut and coloured on the Friday and she ruined it! I phoned first thing on Sat morning and she managed to fit me in to sort it, and luckily it's alright now - close one!

I now have next month to look forward to it again when I go to my friends wedding a million miles away, so I'm feeling good about that now instead of sick with worry.The only thing is, I could get used to this....!!!

Lizzer, fantastic... glad you had such a good time!

Hi Lizzer, glad it went well, it's great to let your hair down now and again, and remember what it was like! Although your hair sounded as though it kept your mind off your impending departure. Now you've done it once, you won't worry about it.