I'm a bad stay at home Dad :(

[BritishBeef]

I haven't posted in quite a while but am struggling at the moment.

My DS is now 17 months and I am a stay at home Dad while my SO works hard to pay the bills.

I'm not coping too well right now. I find my DS very demanding (normal I know). He seems to cry and scream an awful lot and I am struggling to control my temper. I don't seem to cope too well with lack of sleep and that makes me have little patience.

DS wakes up every morning anytime between 4.30am and 6am (today was 4.30am). He sometimes will sleep through to 6.30-7am but that's not very often). I've tried everything to get him to sleep later but it doesn't work.

Anyway, back to me being a rubbish Dad. For example, My wife was away last night on business and this morning, after his morning nap, DS was sat with me and I removed his dummy as I don't want him to have his dummy unless it's bed time or he's very tired etc. He screamed his head off for about 5 minutes (felt like forever) and I just lost it. I shouted at him at the top of my voice to shut up and stop screaming. This of course made him scream even more and I shouted again (more at myself this time) but I swore too. DS continued to scream for another 5/10 minutes non stop. I felt bad about my shouting but could feel my temper rising more so decided it was best to leave the room and count to 20. I went up to my bedroom in a rage and slammed the bedroom door shut hard. Whilst in my bedroom, I reflected on my behaviour and nearly burst into tears at the thought of how awful I'd been to my own son.

I then thought about what the neighbours might have heard and that they were probably phoning social services to report me for abusing my son!

I just feel really bad about the way I have so little patience lately. I'm soo tired all the time. I've shouted at my son a quite a few times before too.

I'm fortunate in that he has two wonderful sets of grandparents who give me a break once or twice a week. How crap am I that even then I can't sometimes cope?

I need to change the way I react before it's too late and damage is done emotionally. At the moment I feel I'm failing miserably at being a good father.

BB - I've only read your OP but remember posting on your threads when your wife had given birth and you needed help suporting her I think with bfeeding?

first - you are not a crap dad. I reacll from those times you to be one of the most kind and nurturing dads i have "known".

You are experirinceing what most of us go through - sleep deprviation.

It is extremely tough and can make the best of us go barmy. You need help and support.

It is good that your parents and PILs help where they can.

Personally I would recommend getting little one to sleep through. Many will doubt/debate this wtih me but some kind of training period will be necessary ( whether you use something softyly softly or controlled crying ) but hlep is out there. You can access your Health visitor or sleep clinic ( mine was a godsend) who can help you with varios methods to choose.

Once your lo sleeps through the night I virtually promise you that things will be much rosier and the issue of whether he ahs a dummy or not will be either one to puruse doggedly but calmly or one you will no longer be bothered with ( we always sweat the small stuff so much deeper when we're very tired).

I also think dw shold give you a break at weekends and do a night shift. I know my dh didn't and wouldn't and it caused a serious rift in our relationship. If dw can do say friday nights so she gets up early on sat morning with lo and you can lie in till 10.00am you will also feel so much more positive and able to cope.

Wish you well

BB - I have just read a couple of your other threads (trying to avoid housework) and I don't know if you did try the cranial osteopathy that others recommended, but it really is fantastic. We have used it for all the family with great results. It makes them more comfortable and this settles them and their behaviour.