How is having 3 under 5's and how did it affect your relationship with your other half?

[Sleepwhenim90]

We are thinking of ttc #3 but are we mad? I know that if we did we would love the baby and get on with it, but honestly, how is it having 3, did you ever wish you'd stopped at 2 and did it affect your relationship with your other half?

I love my life with 2 children, dont get me wrong but have had rare moments where I envy those with none and wonder what my life would have been like childless, then when DC2 arrived I did think what have we done, we were just getting into swing of things with DC1 but now things have settled with 2 I am feeling ultra broody again and every new pregnancy announcement is not helping!!!!

Hello

I've just got the two, sleepwhenim90, which is what we'll stick with, but knowing many families of 3 it seems to be a common theme that the first year is REALLY HARD and then just lovely.

Do you and your DH both feel the same about having 3?

I'm sure others will be along soon to help you out with their experience but I would say small babies are pretty stressful, extra time, money, less time to do anything else blah blah blah. . . BUT they are sooo lovely and you will love them hugely so if you both want one I would go for it!

You are not mad of course

I had three under four and I must honestly admit that there is an element of drudgery for a year or so. It is endless work with washing, cooking and being on the alert. Sometimes it is hard to find the patience and affection you need with the children and my dh came last in the queue for those (after me!).

Some people find it much easier I think. If you have one at school it is slightly easier -- but then the school run starts interfering with naptimes. Routine is harder with the third because they slot in with the others.

Cooking is easier because they just have what you have or it is too much faff. Nursery food took over the house -- fish pie, shepherds pie, tuna pasta etc. But I last weaned nine years ago when it was neither an academic subject nor an allergy littered minefield so maybe that could be different for you.

OK maybe everyone managed it better than me but I found it hard to give much to dh. It was just that we knew it was temporary. Sex was an issue -- as in "the best foreplay would be for you to do the washing up", one is so tired.

But you are not mad, it is all hectic and fun and joyful and exhausting and shouty and busy and lovely and I recommend it.

interesting! bump!

I had 3 in 4 1/2 years. It was so hard at points I nearly went down the paper plates route to try and cut the washing up. No chance of any 'choreplay' then!

2 years later (youngest dc turns 2 at the weekend) and it is wonderful. 2 would never have been satisfactory for me.

But dh is going away for work for a couple of months. I'm not tremendously bothered because I do all the childcare anyway (sahm and dh seems surgically attached to his office), but it does reflect on the sorry state of our sex life

I did this, youngest now 10 so well away from the hard work part.
It was hard, but the most fun too. If I had a chance to do it again I wouldn't change a thing.
DH and I are as strong as ever.

lol we had paper plates you have just reminded me
paper cups and plastic spoons too

er not all the time
merely at moments of domestic despair

LOL at choreplay Ver good.

I'm watching this thread with interest...although it's a bit late for me to change my mind now.

We have 3 and when the baby was born the eldest was 4.3 and the middle child was 22 months.

1-2 was easy, 2-3 has been very hard but a lot of it is because I have had depression.

DH and I have very little time together but we talk all the time about it.

2 would have been so much easier but it just didn't feel enough.

Someone said to me today they take their hats off to those with 3 and I said I wouldn't do it again, she said I would, and I said I wouldn't as it is so hard. Feel awful now. She probably thinks I am a right moaner.

I love all my kids and my youngest is my darling but I am family less, have depression, no friends and it is bloody hard work.

I had 3 under 3 for a couple of months before ds1 turned 3, but I didn't plan on having twins iyswim!
I would just urge a teeny bbit of caution - it's normal to get broody when your youngest is suddenly 'less of a baby' and that's hormones making yoiu feell that way. I would wait a little longer to make sure it's your heart and not your hormones!
A brilliant thing someone said on here once was are you imagining another small tiny cute baby or a an actual large child sat at the table? If it's the latter then you probably do want another one!
It's hard work, you have less sex (ime!), it's hard to share your attention out and logistics like cars get complicated otoh it's lovely sometimes.

I have three, DS1 was 3.5 and DS2 23m when I had DD. So I had three under 4.
I always wanted three close together.
To start with I actually found it quite easy going from 2 to 3. DS1 wasn't at school and so we had no real deadlines to hit in the morning and DS1 and 2 are such good friends that they just got on with playing whilst I spent time with DD BF etc.
It got harder when DD hit 12m and started walking etc. And she hit terrible 2s early. Also DS1 started school and DS2 preschool so we were foreever walking to get/ drop off one or other of them!!
Now she is 18m it is still hard but getting easier. She has stopped wrecking every game the boys play and can join in a bit. Plus she is really independant which helps. She was a hadrer baby then DS2 (who was an angel) but really not too bad. If she had never slept or been horribly colicky (rather than just a bit!!) I might have gone mad.
I agree though you have to be prepared for DC3 growing up!! I really wanted a baby and sometimes I now look at my toddler and think 'oh I forgot about that bit'!!! I do find myself nagging and shouting too much to get everyone out on time!!!
Plus I get sick of wiping bottoms and noses and making 3 snacks etc etc and don't get me started on the washing!!
BUT they are really close and play really well together and already I can see a time when it will be even better than now!!

Forgot to say relationship with DH has suffered to some extent especially on the sex front. Things slowly improving but 3 small kids take up so much time and your personal space and affection that there is not much left over I am sorry to say

when you say "less sex" how much less do yoiu mean?
we have one baby but considering three kids. we have sex once or twice a week since LO arrived. and dh is already moaning about lack of attention. Is he going to get used to it?

Interesting thread. I am pg with DC3 (14 weeks). Ds1 will be 3.2 (just) and Ds2 nearly 2.4 when this one arrives. Am quite nervous about it, esp as DH wasn't that keen to have a third now. He feels like we are just about getting our lives back. I felt that 3 was going to be it for us and I wanted to get on with it so as to get out the other side of life with little ones all the sooner ! Anyway, can't change things now!

oops - DS1 will be 4.2 not 3.2. Pg brain and can't count!!

My god tostaky- we have 2 and dc3 on the way and dh is lucky if he gets it once a month!!!!

The main impact on our relationship for having a 3rd was the increased difficulty of getting babysitters. With two children we had quite a few people who'd have the dds including overnight and for weekends, but very few people want to or feel capable of looking after an extra 3 children, especially 3 under 5.

So weekends away and nights out became rarer.

apart from that, as other said. Lots of drudgery at the start, but it gets better.