What advice would have helped when you had a newborn and were feeling down?

[StripeyKnickersSpottySocks]

Just spoke to a friend who has a 2 week old and she sounds really down. I said I'd go over and see her tomorrow but she said she'd rather come to me as she wants to get out.

She said her DS isn't sleeping much and she's knackered.

I just want to be able to cheer her up a bit but not sure what I can say apart from telling her that it does get better.

book her in for an hour massage!

Let her come over and as others have said let her know is ok to be finding it hard. Then pop over on spec, with food, another day, and make her coffee, help with baby. .

Box sets (won't be at all surprised if my DD talks with a Baltimore accent as the first three months she was almost on the set of The Wire!)

Some great advice here, but the most important IMO is definitely to take her lead. We're all different and all cope in different ways, and what is great for one person might not be for another.

Try not to give too much advice - the 'always make sure you get out every day' thing became stressful for me and I stopped doing it, as pushing a screaming baby round with tears streaming down my face and strangers looking and judging was to me way worse than sobbing baby and sobbing mother at home.

If you think she sounds down, she probably is. Really try and ask her how she is though, properly, and probe a bit if she just says 'fine'. One thing that would have made a massive difference to me would have been to hear that not everybody loves motherhood straight away, not everybody feels a bond with their baby, not everybody loves their baby instantly, and not everybody can find even one positive thing about their new life in the early days. PND in some form or another is really quite common, and the worst thing for me was feeling like a freak and not daring to voice how I was really feeling. I think I actually went through a phase of literally 'grieving' what I had lost (as in independence, lifestyle etc.) before I even started to see anything good about my new situation. Tell her it's OK to feel like this, and that there is help available if she needs it. Make sure she always knows she can tell you anything.

D

My son is 10 days old today. We are only just managing to get used to things, but I think what we would have liked most over the past few days was visitors who made their own drinks, picked up the plates and put them away / washed them up after eating, who let me know they didn't mind me breastfeeding while they continued to chat to me, and who took decisions (such as what to have for lunch) instead of 'politely' saying they would do whatever I wanted.
I have also found that advice can be overwhelming, unless it's of the 'don't worry, everybody finds it hard in the beginning' kind. Much better to direct her to Mumsnet and let her pick through the threads herself :)
But I'm sure whatever you do will be appreciated - if you care enough to ask for advise you must be a great friend.