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Parenting

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Original poster

at what age did you leave you PFB over night for the first time?

86 replies

liznay · 12/01/2009 13:25

I'm waiting to give birth to my first baby any day now (am 4 days overdue!)
However, I've been invited to a hen do in London at the end of April which involves an overnight stay (although I live close enough in Surrey to come home and then return the next day)
My friends/family with Children tell me that I won't want to leave the baby and anyway as I'm breastfeeding this will be difficult.
My OH and childless friends can't see what the problem is and said 'oh its only one night'
Obviously having never had a baby before I don't know how I'm going to feel.

How old was your baby the first time you left him/her and did you regret it? Or have you been in this situation and how did you react. I need to let the organsier know what I plan to do in the next few days - HELP!
thanks for reading x

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cazboldy · 12/01/2009 13:43

15 months...... for our wedding night...... we left at 3 am and picked him up at about 8am the next day

ThursdayNext · 12/01/2009 13:43

Still haven't left mine overnight, oldest is 3 (years, not months)

I didn't go to a hen night when DD was about 5 months as I didn't want to leave her and I'm too lazy to express.

As you so rightly say, you don't know how you will feel, but I would say you will probably not want to. Apart from the logistics of breastfeeding and expressing, you will have a lovely baby to enjoy, and may not be too interested in hen nights!

sweetkitty · 12/01/2009 13:45

Still haven't and she's 4 1/2

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Gateau · 12/01/2009 13:45

I guess, liznay, that it's only normal if it's normal for YOU.
IF you do want to do the overnight thing, why not have your DH, Mum or whoever is going to look after the baby to do a trial run beforehand in your house, while you're there, just to see it goes?

Stefka · 12/01/2009 13:45

DS is 15 months and I haven't left him over night yet. I coudln't have done it at four months for sure - only managed to leave the house at three months! Others I know have done it though so it isn't impossible.

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 13:47

Had night out at a week [was meant to be a few hours with dh to celebrate how clever we were, was clearly dancing till 6am and drank half bottle of gin ] and went for weekend break for dh birthday at 4 months. I was bf but worked round it with mucho advice from nct helpline.

Make no commitments and see how you feel at the time.

PortAndLemon · 12/01/2009 13:48

I left him overnight with DH at about 13 months.

If I hadn't been breastfeeding I might have managed it at three and a half months, but I think I'd have felt very odd -- I remember leaving him for four hours at that age and itching to get back by the end.

georgimama · 12/01/2009 13:49

Liznay, I had similar pressure. I was invited on a girl's weekend in Marbella which would have been when DS was 3 months old. One of the other girls had a baby 2 weeks before I had DS and she was happy to leave her baby. That's fine for her but I couldn't, and wouldn't, do it.

If you are planning on BFing it is not that simple to leave a baby, and yes you can express but you don't know how well established your routine will be, how well the baby will sleep, anything.

RobynLou · 12/01/2009 13:51

still haven't left dd overninght at 18m as am still bf and thats all that'll do in the night if she wakes...
If my experience is anything to go by I'd even be abit wary of committing to daytime stuff if you can't take the baby along...
but you'd be amazed at the places you can take a tiny one to!

bellavita · 12/01/2009 13:51

Was a long time ago now (DS is 11.7), but he was 3 months.

DH whisked me off to Paris and DS went to stay with his Godmum.

He had a whale of a time as she had a boy of 5 and 3 year old twins who kept him entertained.

swingsofglory · 12/01/2009 13:53

Mine's 16mo and haven't left her overnight yet...

Liznay, I wouldn't worry what anybody else does tbh. Everybody is different and every baby is different. You need to do what's right for you and your baby. I'm sure the bride will recognise that it's a big deal having a baby and difficult to think about a hen night (even hers) right now.

I know they probably want you to commit one way or another so they can book hotels etc but if you possibly can I would wait. You can always book the same hotel or whatever at the last minute if you decide to go. It's not impossible.

Monkeyblue · 12/01/2009 13:54

Left DS when he was 6 weeks old to go away for a night with some friends
We enjoyed it and it was good cos we went to bed early just so we could sleep all night
DS did`nt notice

Hersetta · 12/01/2009 13:57

Mine was at 7 days, but wasn't through choice. I was rushed back into hospital with a servere infection after her birth and had to stay in for 6 nights during which time i couldn't see her as they thought I may have MRSA (I didn't). so day 7 was also when I stopped BF and so she had to be FF after then.

thumbwitch · 12/01/2009 14:00

still waiting - DS now 13mo. I was going to try when he was about 7mo and I was going to a hen night in Bath, but was still bf'ing so decided that, as I was staying in a hotel anyway, it would be better if DS and DH came too! They didn't come to the hen party of course but we had a lovely day next day, going to Bristol Zoo.

Haven't considered it since, but still bf'ing - wouldn't consider it now until I've stopped (but then DS never really took to a bottle)

treedelivery · 12/01/2009 14:03

I think there is something to be said for having a plan in place for the unplannable, that you know works. We were in car crash when dd was 2 months and I was fairly unable to care for her for 24 hours. But she'd had sleepovers at nanna's [once or twice] and so they were able to step in. It doesn't have to be at a certain age or time but just to suit you as mum and the bubbs.

LadyOfWaffle · 12/01/2009 14:04

About 18months and mum dropped him and he smashed a tooth and dented his head and she didn't tell me. I am happy to go out without DH but never do! (Not at mo. though, when DS is abit older)

varietyisthespiceoflife · 12/01/2009 14:04

5 months to go to a friends wedding, left her with my sister who i completely trusted but still felt awful. Missed her so much. Wasn't breast feeding so no problems there.

VikkiEGS · 12/01/2009 14:14

I haven't left my PFB overnight yet, she's coming up 5 months and I'm definately not ready.

I had booked a day coach trip with my mum while I was pregnant, didn't even give it a second thought, she was only just 4 months when I left her for the day, it was so hard!!

fruitstick · 12/01/2009 14:19

I would say there is no way of knowing. I think it makes a difference that you are leaving the baby with DH and not other relatives but it will still be very early days. At that age my DS was still waking several times in the night to be bf and there is no guarantee that they will be able to take a bottle.

If you decided to ff then this will be less of an issue but the baby will still probably be used to you feeding in the night.

DS was 7 months when we went away for our anniversary and I had stopped breastfeeding by this point and he was sleeping through the night.

In short, might be fine but you might not want to go. Would it be too expensive to say yes and then cancel later on? OR say no and turn up anyway?

rookiemater · 12/01/2009 14:23

Left him overnight at my parents when he was 8 weeks old. It was our first anniversary and I had stopped BF so it was fine, actually really enjoyed it was just so bloody grateful to get a decent nights sleep, although was keen to see DS the next morning.Realise that I must be strange non maternal being.....

Is it possible to say No at this stage and then tag yourself on at a later date if you feel then you want to go ? As problem with saying yes now is that you are setting a lot of pressure on yourself. If you are BF successfully your baby may not have mastered taking a bottle by that stage, or you may just not feel up to it.

Good luck for the birth.

beforesunrise · 12/01/2009 14:23

2 years. it was so hard even then...

julietbat · 12/01/2009 15:37

I'm just about to leave my 10 month old dd for the first time but I couldn't have left her when she was younger even if I'd wanted to because she's never taken a bottle (and for the record it wasn't through want of trying!). I agree with others that you should ask your friend if you can decide nearer the time. You'll have no idea how you feel or if it will be logistically possible (ie, taking a bottle).

I don't think I'd have wanted to leave her much before now but I have two friends who left their (formula fed) babies for two nights when they were 2/3 months old. I couldn't have done it when my dd was so young but they probably think I'm completely precious not leaving my dd until now!

Don't let anyone make your decision for you.

LilRedWG · 12/01/2009 15:39

DD was 11 months and it was easier than I thought. I left her with my sister so that I could attend my SIL's 30th party. I missed her but had a lovely time at the party.

PinkTulips · 12/01/2009 15:43

dd was 18 months when i went into hospital to have ds... she was with my mother and dp was home from about 2am onwards and i still had a minor nervous breakdown about it.

she's 4 in 2 weeks and dsis 2.5 and have never been gone overnight since.... due dc3 in 3 weeks though so unless i have baby in the morning and can leave right away i might have to spend the night in hospital... hope not though.

Original poster

liznay · 12/01/2009 15:50

Its great to have so much feedback, Thanks
I don't think I'd be alone then in thinking that this may be more difficult than it looks.
The hen party appears to be on a barge! and is £200 for the weekend. I'm guessing that it would be cheaper if I don't stay over too, which is obviously better as we'll be managing on my DP's income only by then.

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