City childhoods vs. country childhoods...should we move?

[RoRoMommy]

I would like to hear people's experiences growing up, and/or bringing up their children, in the city and the country, and wonder if you could share thoughts/opinions/experiences that might help me weigh the pros and cons of each.

It would also be really helpful if anyone knows of nice country villages within an hour's train ride of the City that have good schools, a vibrant arts community, and decent entertainment/restaurant options.

Background: we live in the City. I grew up in the city. My husband grew up in various places, among them some rural areas where he was able to run around, climb trees, stay out at night without too much concern of foul play or danger, and generally was free to be a rambunctious, energetic little boy. I worry that my own rambunctious, energetic little boy mostly sees animals at the Hackney City Farm, trees that are planted in cement and bugs on Baby Einstein videos.

So I am thinking, maybe we should move out to the country? That said, we both have jobs in the City and this will not change to accomodate a country life. We'd have to be able to commute relatively quickly and easily.

I appreciate your thoughts (even if it's "stop worrying, he'll be fine in the city").

I'd stay where you are, particularly if you have a nice garden.

A village with a vibrant arts community?
I think you are asking a bit much. But you could go and live somewhere in Essex like Kelvedon or Hatfield Peverel.

I grew up in the country and I am now bringing my children up in a large seaside town with lots of green space close to 2 major cities - I feel I have the best of both worlds.

Kids from my very rural area loved it when they were little but as teenagers there is very little to do but get drunk Sad but true.

Commuting is stressful and growing more expensive, for one thing.

We live in a rural area, BUT we were even more skint living in the city and we had no garden or outdoor space at all.

Dh's job is also out here, too, no big commute.

Just take him to the country at the weekend on during holidays,and stay where you are.

You are looking for a lot in a village - I think you probably need a small town to deliver on your wish list.

I live 1.15 hr from London (and commute) in a village with several pubs and several shops. It has a strong community feel and I know many people here. My children are quite young (4 and 5). In a few years time (say about 7-8) I think I will let them out around the village on their own. I am not sure that I would let them roam the fields, but equally I am not sure that I could stop them.

They love life in the village. We live 10 miles from a fairly large arty place so we are not isolated. However, when the dcs are older I don't know how they will feel. They will need to travel 10 miles to school (granted a bus comes to the village) and their friends will presumeably be spread over a wide geographic area and they will be looking to me to take them wherever they want to go (and as I work, there is little chance of this). So it may not be so good in the future.

Would also echo the expense of commuting. My season ticket is the most valuable thing I own. Commuting also takes up a lot of time.

Benefits and drawbacks to both.

I think you might be in danger of idealising a country childhood, though.

Remember that moving further out, if you really can't change your jobs, will mean that you see your children for less time each working day. This is a big factor in their lives, probably more important than whether they can see sheep and cows from their bedroom windows.

Goosey's point about always being dependent on infrequent buses or being ferried around everywhere by car is a god one, too. From my point of view, unless you can make your working life in the country so that your village/wider community is the focal point for everything, you'll always be knackered trying to have bits and pieces from city and country and ending up unsatisfied by either.

Do you live near a big park or near the river? Places like Greenwich park and the wildlife centre near the O2 are great for inquisitive kids. But then so is a trip on the DLR.

All I'd add is that if you need to get the country living bit out of your system (!) then do it while the dc are young ...

my dh spent his teenage years in the middle of Norfolk where there was NOTHING to do - it took him an hour to cycle to the nearest post office and pub - and he was pretty miserable ..and country parents spend huge chunks of time chauffering their children about ...

I think life in the countryside between the ages of 5 and 12 - when their social lives are pretty much contained within the local school/scout group is pretty much ideal though

we live in a (small) city but close to open spaces and countryside which I think is the best of both worlds.

I grew up in a village until I was 10 with nothing bar a village shop and a pub, no buses out on sundays but for a small child it was great. Able to walk to school alone from age of 7 and strawberry picking in fields, bramble picking in hedgerows etc Moved to town which I hated as a teenager because there was very little to do, the odd youth group but mainly drinking, we even had to go to the next town to go to a cinema. Still better than being a teenager in a village though. Rural life relies on cars so much more because public transport is so rubbish. So you could end up being a taxi service even when your children are quite old or else trust their teenage friends with cars.

This is very difficult and I share your dilemma.
We have just moved out of a nice leafy part of London to a village about 35 mins away from big (nice) city. It feels very rural. I walk across a field of sheep to get to the local shop. We were itching to get out of London since having ds, for lifestyle reasons, and really didn't like the idea of bringing a child up in london...but now by 'eck do i miss it. Its early days though and am going to give it 6 months of immersing myself into village life. if it doesn't work out its back to a city!

i think its very difficult to make a decision while you're still in london and the grass is always greener. can you give it a go somewhere, rent for a bit and come back with tail between legs if it doesn't work out??

Which direction do you want to go?

How about living near winchester or brighton? lots of going on but close enough to countryside too. or tunbridge wells. A village with vibrant arts life i think, doesn't exist...you (like me) want the best of both worlds - thats why i think living v near a nice town or smallish city might be a good option. if only syndey was in the uk...my ideal.

Lots of good points on this thread - teenagers in a village mean you're basically going to be a taxi service, or they'll be bored stupid.

Marks Tey
An hour or so from Liverpool Street and you have Colchester on your doorstep for vibrant arts scene. When ds is a teen he can go out drinking in Colchester and get into fights with squaddies.
Believe me, Essex is the way to go.

ginger can i ask where you live??? sounds great...

I grew up in a rural village. Great as a young child. Deadly as a teenager, especially the pre-being able to drive years. I can't think of many country villages that have a vibrant arts community (unless you count morris dancing) and most villages might have a pub or two: food debatable.

At the end of the day you have to think of the quality of schools and your career/job first, it's no good being poor and in the countryside because everything costs more, houses, oil, petrol, food even.

This is all really helpful, thank you!

I realize that I may be idealising the country life, and that there are opportunities to experience the country even whilst living in the city if you're resourceful. It's also occurred to me that I am making a big ask when I listed out my ideals, but I didn't want to insult anyone by saying so, and perhaps such a place does exist (idealist in all of us).

I have never lived in the country. I am also quite sensitive to commuting time because as a solicitor I already tend to work long-ish hours. It's probably not do-able unless it was somewhere literally less than an hour door to door from my place of work. So I am probably looking at weekends in the country, eh?

What about Essex? What's it like? (Background, I am American and I have no idea).

Maybe the trick is to live there when your DCs are young, then move back? Renting to give it a shot is a really good idea.

Thanks again to everyone who responded!

glad I've seen this thread.
Our experience: we moved last year from manchester to small village on welsh shropshire border. One of the reasons was a general sense of "country life will be good for the kids" and somehow (although not well defined) a better quality of life etc. We didn't move without thinking about it really carefully but eventually took the plunge.

Anyway, it's not worked out as we would have hoped and it's looking like we will move back next year. This is mainly for following reasons a) I definitely think that, despite our careful consideration of it, we did idolise the idea of living in the country and the better quality of life thing. b)the actual place we've moved to is very very closed. By that I mean it is populated by people who have never lived anywhere else, and some who aren't even aware that there is anywhere else! I think there must be loads to be said for living in the country but still being close to a major city but equally I would say that don't think that growing up in the city is somehow the poor relation of a country childhood - I think I feel foul of that and it's definitely not the case.

RoRo - the reason why I keep going on about Essex is because I grew up there and though I would rather pull my fingernails out than work in London, if I did have to, it strikes me that there are some good places for commuting. A few years ago I did a work placement at a museum in the City while living with my parents in Witham, which was 50 minutes to Liverpool Street - very very easy commute if you can walk to the station and then walk again at the other end. There were people living in London working at the museum who had way worse commutes because though they were going a shorter distance they were on the tube and didn't get a seat. If you live far enough out (ie far enough for quiet countryside) you generally always get a seat in the way in at least and so it's quite usable time - you can get work done easily enough.
What's it like... well all the south east is hideously crowded and built up too much, but there are still places which are rural if you choose carefully. And I believe there are plenty of good schools.
Colchester is very nice so somewhere around there might be good.

what is your nearest train station to commute out of - liverpool street? kings cross?

by the way there is a good book about places to live within commuting distance of london - will try and see if i can find it...

it might be this one

or

this one

I think it's often a case of grass is greener.

If you move to country and can work in country - then OK good plan. But commuting is not nice...

Agree Colchester is a nice town - but it's unlikely you'd live walking distance to the station so the overall commute time would be quite long (depending where you work in London). The same problem with lots of towns in Essex.

We live in Richmond (the countryside in DH's view ) and DH works in The City. It takes him about 40 minutes each way.