City childhoods vs. country childhoods...should we move?

[RoRoMommy]

I would like to hear people's experiences growing up, and/or bringing up their children, in the city and the country, and wonder if you could share thoughts/opinions/experiences that might help me weigh the pros and cons of each.

It would also be really helpful if anyone knows of nice country villages within an hour's train ride of the City that have good schools, a vibrant arts community, and decent entertainment/restaurant options.

Background: we live in the City. I grew up in the city. My husband grew up in various places, among them some rural areas where he was able to run around, climb trees, stay out at night without too much concern of foul play or danger, and generally was free to be a rambunctious, energetic little boy. I worry that my own rambunctious, energetic little boy mostly sees animals at the Hackney City Farm, trees that are planted in cement and bugs on Baby Einstein videos.

So I am thinking, maybe we should move out to the country? That said, we both have jobs in the City and this will not change to accomodate a country life. We'd have to be able to commute relatively quickly and easily.

I appreciate your thoughts (even if it's "stop worrying, he'll be fine in the city").

agree redflipflops, that's why I was suggesting villages along the train line (Hatfield Pev, Kelvedon, Marks Tey) rather than Colchester itself.

I would echo what others have said about teenagers in villages. My husband grew up in a village and once he got to 11 and went to secondary school, he hated it. All his school friends lived within a short walk of each other and would meet up in the evenings; he couldn't join in because once he got the bus home, he was stuck in the village unless he could get a lift out again.

By contrast I was raised in the suburbs and absolutely loved being able to get buses and taxis to wherever I wanted without bothering my parents. For this reason I plan to bring up our kids in the city. We will take them to the country at weekends and for holidays.

I obviously live far away from London - but I work in the centre of Newcastle and live in a large(ish) market town 30 min commute away. Perfect in my opinion ! Good selection of schools, good shops, arts scene, cinema and leisure centre.

There is a middle ground between your city centre and rural ideal ! You don't have to retreat to a village of 6 houses, 1 school and a closed post office to get the 'quality' / 'idyllic' life you are looking for ! I grew up in my town and loved every minute of it - I always got the best of both worlds.

xxx

Thanks again everyone.

I work within a 15 minute walk from L'Pool, my husband as well but we're both closer to Moorgate.

I'll look at that book, it sounds great.

Maybe village isn't what I am after, but more small city with loads of space? I'll have a look at the Essex area and Richmond.

Katierocket, thank you for sharing your experience, that's quite helpful.

We are in the same poitision but we wouldn't move to rural countryside but in or very near to a town - Guildford or Winchester but we can't decide. If you work in the city - St Albans or Tunbridge Wells has good schools & quick commute, know nothing about Essex. Where do your/DH work colleagues live that should give you a good idea.

we are thinking of Brighton as that's where I grew up and it's a good mix of things to do. But I think the commute might be a bugger

Don't go!!!

I really don't get it when people say they don't want to bring up children in London.

I can't think of anywhere better, in this country anyway. Particularly if you work here, have friends here and your children have friends here.

Why disrupt all that? What for?

My DH and I have three friends in our area of London who have lived here all their lives and are bringing up their dcs here.

Certain areas have a safe and supportive community, good green spaces, and yet only an 80p bus ride from every single thing that the city has to offer, which is pretty inexhaustable if you think about it.

lots of trains going into Moorgate from hertfordshire - even cambridge-shire. Some aren't cheap though.

But there's welwyn, letchworth, hitchin, baldock, etc. Not all rural but within easy walking/cycling distance of some nice areas

we moved to the countryside 2 years ago and LOVE it. we are in the south-west, near the welsh border. we're surrounded by beauty. every day i am thankful for living in such a gorgeous area (which after recently living in pristine, stunning new zealand we were worried about not finding on our return to the uk). the kids' (small, cosy, welcoming) village school looks out over the black mountains. there are lots of small towns to hang out with the kids in at the weekend if that's what we feel like, and we go on adventures on the train to eg cardiff, birmingham, london, manchester with the kids regularly to get a city fix and take them to see friends and museums.
we have found this area really welcoming and have made many friends. the kids are happy and secure and safe.
i DO miss many things about city life and need a fix every few weeks but the compensations of family life here are huge. having said that, my londoner brother manages to spend about 36 hours here at a time before needing to flee back to his urban pleasures - and his wife never visits us at all ! definitely not for everyone, this rural lark!

a topic really close to my heart! i have lots of friends who move out of london because they were after this idyllic picture, and now justify their choice by saying things like oh but i want my child to experience a free and stimulating childhood which he/she could never get in london.

to me that reflets a complete lack of imagination in the parent... children can get curious and entertained ANYWHERE, it takes me 15 minutes to walk the two blocks to the newsagent with dd1 because she stops to look at everything, wants to walk on sidewalls, loves watching the trains go by, say hi to the cats etc. she has a full and rich life- ok we have a small flat with no garden, but tonns of wonderful parks and playground within a short distance, great activities on our doorstep (we went to the tricycle for 4 pounds each last weekend, not to mention museums, walking along the river, and just generally people watching...). we have a really international, vibrant and diverse group of friends who now have kids and we organise lots of things together, we are all foreigners yet no one feels foreign, iyswim?

and from my limited experience of english villages within commuting distance, they are really just sleepy satellite towns, Hackney City farm miiiiiiles better in terms of nature :-)

if you live near the city you have some truly amazing things happening near you- LSO runs baby and toddler music classes at st luke near Old street, there's creative movements at sadlers wells, just to name a couple.

personally (and i underline- it is my personal experience) i could never stand living anywhere else than central-ish london (i really suffered the move to zone 2 two years ago LOL).

not to mention the fact that, if you have the money (and making the wild assumption that if you both have city jobs you will have the money- apologies if i am wrong) London has the best private schools in the world, probably.

as i said this is my experience- there's obvious drawbacks, but I love living in London and no amount of large gardens will ever tempt me to move!

forgot to add- before looking to move outside london why don't you look at slightly more residential neighborhoods within it?

beforesunrise - i totally agree that there is tons to be said for an urban childhood. i would be very careful about moving for that 'idyllic vision of childhood' indeed. we moved bcs we love the outdoors and because we love natural beauty all around us (that doesn't mean i am immune to urban beauty - london knocks my socks off sometimes) and bcs after new zealand the congestion of the city was an unbearable prospect to us. we love the slightly old-fashioned pace of life here and the fact that the kids are allowed to be kids for that little bit longer. (IMHO - arguable, i know.) but i grew up in a big city abroad and went to an international school and i do feel sad that my kids are missing out on that multi-cultural vibrancy in their upbringing sometimes.

msg to the OP - do check out 'wifeinthenorth' the blog if you haven't already, or pick up the book - do you know it? about a confirmed london-lover 'forced' to move to the wilds of northumberland and who took a long, long time to adapt. worth a read!

Apparently optimal quality of life is achieved by living close to where you work or work close to where you live ... works for us.

Guildford where I grew up in Surrey and now have returned to bring up my kids;
I am one minute to the downs and less than ten minutes walk to the middle of the town

Why?

30 minutes to Waterloo and then drain to City of London
Brilliant shopping centre
Multiplex cinema
Two theatres
Sports centre with grt pool, ice rink, bowling etc..
Fabby countryside and acres of green space -you are on the downs and can walk for miles
Excellent state schools and very well respected private schools
University/Cathedral/Law School so thriving student community
Multi cultural in a "posh" way ie: french, spanish, american, dutch, canadian, south african etc..

Cons

Horrendous house prices because it is full of people who work in the city and commute
Loads of people just like you IFYSWIM - middle class, aspirational, well off etc..
Though when I was a kid most of my friends did not fit those criteria

I used to live just off moorgate pre-kids

But I didn't add that I never saw my dad when I was growing up and hated the commute he did. It was soul destroying for him. I made a vow that I would never do that to my kids and the only reason we live here now is that I am ten minutes drive from work and DH is half an hour drive to work and sometimes works from home.

But as a kid I loved living here!

You are idealizing things - sounds as though what you need is a small town as a compromise.

I grew up in deepest darkest Norfolk:

• very few buses
• secondary school 20 miles away
• get everywhere by car/dependent on parents taking you places
• NO freedom to roam actually - gangs of children going on tree-climbing expeditions only exists in Enid Blyton I think. At least in a town you've got parks and shops
• vibrant arts community? Nope. Again, you have to travel for that.

And the winter .... nooooooo

"NO freedom to roam actually - gangs of children going on tree-climbing expeditions only exists in Enid Blyton I think."

Gosh, I did that. (Mind you I also just said 'gosh' so maybe I am in an Enid Blyton story?)

It happens round here (E Yorks) - don't know whether it still does in southeast where traffic is heavier.

dont do it! we moved out 2 years ago and are looking at moving back to London. The commute is awful (we are both solicitors), and dh has tried working outstide London and doesn't like it. If feasible we are going to move back. We both really miss London, but for us, it is the commute and the time away from the family that is the deciding factor.

I would say, if you are really outdoorsy types you will really enjoy it, otherwise, just visit at the weekend.

(If you are deadset on moving out, what about St Albans, Harpenden etc - both go into Moorgate afaik, and lots of other lawyers live there!).

Both DH and I come from very rural parts and though it may be lovely at Primary school age as a child ... oh god it is hell as a teenager.

The point about secondaries is a good one - I'm now in SE and I get the impression that you stand a better chance of getting into a good secondary if you're in a town rather than in a village - depends what you're after.

If you want to enjoy village life to the full I think it does help if you're into WI, church, local groups ... if not it can be very isolating.

A double commute ie both partners commuting is, IMVHO, unworkable in nearly all circumstances unless you can afford serious amounts of support at home (live-in nanny, cleaner plus au pair for school holidays).

Oh we both do double commute Anna (though I'm part time) - it works because we are in a small town and therefore near to childcare. I agree that if in a village it would be difficult.

We're not in the nanny and cleaner bracket though!

Obviously being part-time gives you a bit of slack - but I still think it sounds hellish .

I'm fairly addicted to living extremely close to school and work, as we do now - having grown up with the rural childhood, commute (including long drive to station), long drive/bus ride to school model. Waste of a life, all that transport.

I was brought up in the country, and was bored senseless as a teenager. From the age of 10 we lived in a house on a road between two villages, each only just about walking distance away, and my mum doesn't drive so I spent school holidays feeling quite isolated from all my friends (who lived in one of the villages, where I went to school). Couldn't wait to move to a proper big city, and went to university in London and have been here ever since.

To quote John Cage
"The best thing about growing up in a small town is getting out"