City childhoods vs. country childhoods...should we move?

[RoRoMommy]

I would like to hear people's experiences growing up, and/or bringing up their children, in the city and the country, and wonder if you could share thoughts/opinions/experiences that might help me weigh the pros and cons of each.

It would also be really helpful if anyone knows of nice country villages within an hour's train ride of the City that have good schools, a vibrant arts community, and decent entertainment/restaurant options.

Background: we live in the City. I grew up in the city. My husband grew up in various places, among them some rural areas where he was able to run around, climb trees, stay out at night without too much concern of foul play or danger, and generally was free to be a rambunctious, energetic little boy. I worry that my own rambunctious, energetic little boy mostly sees animals at the Hackney City Farm, trees that are planted in cement and bugs on Baby Einstein videos.

So I am thinking, maybe we should move out to the country? That said, we both have jobs in the City and this will not change to accomodate a country life. We'd have to be able to commute relatively quickly and easily.

I appreciate your thoughts (even if it's "stop worrying, he'll be fine in the city").

If you have a good garden, stay put

Far more to do in London than in the country and it sounds like you love all the positive things about London ie arts, restaurants

Whereabouts do you live now?

I think if you move to a village or into the country it has to be something you want for yourselves as well as your dc or you will go bonkers. We were really big city people, but now live in a village very near to a city with good facilities/opportunities. We both felt very ready for the move, and dd starts school next year.

We also chose this village because all the schools are here including the secondary school - so she wan't suddenly be miles away from school. Dh and I both grew up in the country so I suppose we are going back to our roots. But we do really like having a nice city close by. We NEVER have the urge o move back to London and exclaim this every time we visit friends there.

I have a 100ft garden in lovely safe green quiet suburb of London, just on the fringes of zone 2, and definitely NOT high income bracket. It can be done.

Also within 10 minutes walk of two beautiful parks.

So where are these 'safe supportive communities with good green spaces' in London? Are they affordable? (sorry for hijack!)

I agree, if you have a safe garden, stay put.

We had NO garden. No yard. No outdoor space at all whatsoever. We were struggling to pay the rent. Our girl used to play in the car park with two wee boys and other tenants complained about it, even though it was never after sundown, which comes early in Scotland in winter. And it was soul-destroying.

We had wanted to stay in the Eastern side of the country where she was from but no joy.

The West offered us a place and so we took it because it was that or what was . . . folk complaining about bairns.

We live in a rural area now.

I won't lie, it's not an easy life, but thankfully, we never expected life to be easy.

We're made of hard metal.

But thankfully so is everyone we are now surrounded by.

We don't suffer fools gladly.

Know a good thing when you have it.

The grass is always greener, I think those will be my last words before I leave this life.

Count your blessings and stay put!

I made a ferry crossing today that scared the life out of me.

I walked for miles in a gale to make sure my children didn't make it because for now, I am the stronger.

You don't know you were born.

We moved from a big city to a village 2 years ago. We are really happy with the change.

But we didn't idealise it, I'd grown up in a little town miles from anywhere, and DP in a village, and neither of us wanted to live in those places again. So we chose rather carefully. We were quite nervous of moving to a village after 2 decades of adult city life so we chose a village which is very close (walking and cycling distance) to a little city. The teenagers here go into the city to riot/party/whatever. And the small children like mine are benefitting from a lot of freedom to roam, and a very friendly community where people look out for them and talk to them.

Our village does have a vibrant arts community, which we have got very involved in. In terms of having an artists commune, with lots of visiting artists and events. It is also quite vibrant politically which suits us.

I think you have to get the right village and really know what you want - not just do it for the children. My children were perfectly happy in Manchester but DP and I wanted more of an outdoor life, and to be near the sea.

We moved out of London 18 months ago to a village in North Essex - we have a station in the village with trains to Liverpool st in 1 hour. We have fields in front and behind the house, and a real countryside feel, but have the convenience of decent shops 5 mins drive away in a market town, or theatre/arts in Cambridge (20 mins away). The local schools are all excellent, primary and secondary. We have not looked back at all. (village is full of bankers/insurance people who work in the city but they are all very community spirited and we still have the 'looking out for each other's children' thing.)

I am greedy and like to have the best of both worlds! I couldn't live miles from a town, but love being able to get my "fix" of the outdoors too. For me the ideal is to live on the edges of a city. Where we live now we have a big garden and are within walking distance of fields and woods where you can sometimes see deer; but 10 minutes' walk in the other direction gets us to our local "high street" where there are shops and restaurants, and 10 minutes' drive or slightly longer by public transport gets us into the city centre where there is loads going on. We can also cycle to work with a bit of effort. There are plenty of babies'/kids' activities nearby and plenty of good walks to do; I am very happy to be here (only downside is the traffic is getting worse and sometimes a hassle, but you probably have that too!). Where I grew up was a bit similar too, near to parks and arboretums but also not far from the town centre. If you would consider getting jobs outside London then you could look for something similar? But it sounds as though you have quite a good set-up too for someone living in the City, so you might be happy staying put as well.

the problem with essex/suffolk is that there's only one line, unless you leg it to cambridge and go into kings cross you're screwed every time there's 'signal failure at witham'

It sounds to me as if you would prefer to stay where you are. A move to the country is quite drastic.

I have 3 children (age 2-6) and we moved recently, so I can tell you what it´s like so far.

Bad:
-long commute, DH sees children only at weekend (as has to get up at 6:15 to catch 7:00 train, and comes home at 7:15)
-expense of commute: about 300 pounds a month (!)

• Not a lot of arts and stuff going on here.
• lots of mud
• village life can be a bit twee

Good:

• Good state schools all around, our village has a lovely lovely little school with very good Ofsted (they all have here). No need to go private.
• Being able to walk to school. Walk to village shop and pub. Walk to friends´´ houses. It´´s a great quality of life thing to be able to walk places I think (if you don´´t mind wearing wellies).
• Being able to live in a house with garden (whereas in London we lived in a 2 bedroom flat, for the same money)
• Space and fresh air. Being able to step out of the house and go for a walk. A certain sense of freedom

-no crowds

• children love it (but will have to see what it´´s like once they are in their teens)
• Being part of a village community (if that´´s your thing. Going out carol singing around the village is not for everyone, but my DC love it)

For privacy reasons I can´t tell you exactly where I live, but it´s at an hour from London.

I still go to London for concerts etc., but I don´´t have to live there to be able to do that.

I grew up in the countryside. Like others have said, very nice when you are little, not so great when you are a teenager - if I wanted to go out, I had to make arrangements to stay over with a friend from school (and commuted to high school - 15 miles on the bus, took me an hour to 1.5hrs, nightmare). Really cramped my style.

Have moved out of London to a small town which I think will give ds a great childhood with easy access to interesting stuff when he's a teenager. Great schools we can walk to, fast commute, low crime, good community feel, always stuff going on. It's not rural as we are in the town centre but we are surrounded by countryside and have a nature trail footpath thing that starts 5 minutes walk from our house.

I grew up in a number of different Midlands cities and loved it, particularly my teenage years in Birmingham. We all had citywide bus passes to get to school, and at the weekend, regarded the whole of the city as our oyster. My friend and I used to spend a lot of time in the large central library, and the next door museum. It was fabulous.

The thing young children (well all children) need most is time with the adults in their life. Adding a long commute will just take more ofthat time (and energy) away. Many country villages have nasty scary roads running near or through them, which limit children's freedom.

With the money you'd save on season tickets and stamp duty from not moving, you'd have lots to put towards weekends in the country. When I was fairly young, my parents had a touring caravan (yuck I know) which most of the time was parked on a permanent pitch on a campsite. There was a small party of other children who all had permanently pitched caravans too, and we ran about the campsite, climbed trees, attempted to fish in streams and all the idyllic Enid Blyton stuff. My parents had a rural "local" and all in all it was a great country retreat, about thirty miles away from our city house.

TBH, if you really wanted to provide an idyllic environment, a campsite with shop, swimming pool/beach and playpark all within safe walking distance is probably heaven for the under 10s. I say this in all seriousness, because you could probably buy a static caravan on the Essex coast outright for not much more than the cost of two season tickets. If you really wanted to. Which you probably don't!! (I don't either but I know my DS would love it if we did. And you did ask )

Fennel, I wanna know where you live!

we nearly moved from London to Devon (near Dartmouth) for the same resons the OP's thinking but it fell through... Wondering whether to start the process again when the house prices eventually start moving again or stick to along the M4 so as to not be too far away from friends and family...

I'd suggest the NW Essex/S Cambs area - good local schools, both State and Independent and you can commute to Liverpool St from Audley End (near Saffron Walden) or other stations between Bishops Stortford and Cambridge. Nice villages and Saffron Walden and Cambridge are great towns.

Interesting that you mentioned Hackney City Farm. I grew up in the countryside- yes it is beautiful, but very very isolated.

I took my toddler to the City Farm today and thought 'This is as good as it gets'!!

When he was born, I had a wobble of thinking, as I had been told 'You CAN'T bring up children in London'.

Now he is 2 I am grateful everyday for all the fantastic things a city like London can offer. Plus, now I know a lot of families and see the reality and possibility of growing up in London.

TOTALLY agree with expat. It is so easy to be carried away by this idyllic dream when actually, the reality is good. City Farm rocks!!!

I left London 5 years ago - BUT if I could afford a nice house in a nice area of London I'd go back!

We moved to the SW - job relocation. What I didn't want was to move into commuter land. From my experience a lot of towns in commuter distance to London are like dormitories for the city and they lack personality/arts and culture etc.. (they're just so overshadowed by London).
Traffic is terrible too.

I personally think commuting is bad for the soul! such a waste of time and you don't see your children etc..

If you work in London and can afford a nice house - I'd say stay put. As others have said for teenagers and young adults a city has lots to offer.

We lived in a London suburb (yeuch!) until 3 years ago. We were in an over-full two bedroom flat with no garden; the second bedroom was dh's teaching room so dd's bedroom was a kind of mezzanine over the stairwell. No garden. Two cats. School run in car.

Now we have a 3 bed house with a top floor which is self-contained where my mum lives. We have a garden with a fish pond and lots of frogs. We have guinea-pigs (the most boring pets on earth), two cats. DD walks to and from school often on her own.

An incident a few months ago is a good illustration of the difference: dd wanted to go shopping on her own - to the toy shop. It's straight down the road with only minor roads to cross, so no problem. Saturday, lots of people about. I said OK but come straight back (further down the road it gets a bit less safe). Half hour later, I got a phone call from the toy shop - they didn't have what dd wanted but she could almost certainly get it from xxxx a bit further down the road but as I hadn't given dd permission to go further than the toyshop, they were ringing me to ask if she could go on a bit further.

We have a market twice a week. All the stall holders know her and chat to her. If she's not with us they ask after her. Likewise most of the shops in the High Street (well, the staff in them).

I know if she ever felt worried about being out on her own there are 100s of people who know her and to whom she can go for help.

The biggest difference I notice when we first moved was that, just wandering down the High Street, people - total strangers - looked you in the eye and SMILED!!!!!!

I'd say stay where you're happy and it works for you. I live out in the boonies in a village so tiny you'd miss it if you blinked (and grew up in one very similar in size) and really like it. I'll take my child to the town or up to London for days out so it doesn't miss out on experiencing the whole town/city thang, the same way as you can take yours out for days in the country so that they can experience that. Same thing from different approaches ...

I grew up in a tiny village in south cheshire, my parents have moved to an even tiner hamlet now. I do miss it but one thing I do notice when I'm down there is you are in the car constantly going to see my friend and her dc in their little village then to the riding stables in another little village, hate too much time in the car.

Hated it when i was a teenager hour+long bus journeys or begging dad for lift or spending all my spends on taxis. The people were very small minded and bigoted too, not really an "idyll" at all.

Where we live now in South manchester we have the best of both worlds (although it is ££££ to live here). 10 mins walk from the mersey valley countryside and wildlife, 5 mins walk from bars,cafes,shops and numerous childrens activities, 10 mins walk from a cinema and 15 mins on a bus to various art galleries, museums and theatres (have been to whitworth Art gallery and bridgewater hall this week alone), and onle 20 mins drive from some of the most breathtaking countryside in the british isles in the Peak District.

I love the fact dd hears different languages when she's out and about, people from numerous cultures being around are her normality.

The cost and the crime are the bug bears though, the whole gang thing does worry me, but all in all I prefer being a city chick to a country girl anyday!

Stay where you are!!

TOTALLY agree with beforesunrise and others, london is a fantastic city, so multi cultural, open minded, i think you are giving your children a fantastic start in life in such a great place - whats not to love!!!!! Our situation was this - we lived in harlesden in a tiny 2 bed flat, we have 3 children. we took the plunge and moved to glasgow 3 years back, we live in the west end in a 5 bedroom place that cost LESS than our london place, withhuge garden, all be it shared ..... so for 2 teachers it made sense, also have lots of family here to help etc etc BUT leaving london was the hardest things ever for me personally, you can not replace the open mindedness of londoners, the wonderful melting pot. if i were you i would stay and work really hard to visit the countryside in holidays - love your thread and good luck!! xxx

I think if you are on the whole happy where you are and have outside space I would stay put. The move would certainly mean less time with the children and money due to the expense of commuting.

It does sound as if you have quite an idealised view of country life and it may well not meet up to the reality.

I grew up in a village with a population of about 300, there was a school, pub and shop. It was on the welsh border in Herefordshire so very isolated from anywhere big really. I have to say I loved it and as a child spent most of my time outside, cycling to the river in the summer (about 7 miles away), things that I would not let my children do at the age of 10 in a town. I also liked the fact that we knew everyone and there was always someone looking ou for you.

BUT - you do need a car for eveything and I know so many families that have located there for a rural idyll and have been very unhappy and felt very isolated only to return to the city later.

Haven't read the whole thread (in a big hurry today) but my advise would be:

Move to the countryside only if you and your dh think you would enjoy it and like the outdoors etc.

I grew up in Milan (so, not as beautiful and vibrant as London) and loved it (I had the chance to spend all my summer holidays in the country though), especially as a teenager.