LOOK, you have four kids, get over it.

[Comma]

At playgroup I was chatting to this(ostensibly)really nice mum.

BUT god she droned on about her kids as if they had been thrust upon her.

" Oh god its BATH time" she whinged. And her H had had the temerity to "skive off" at work.

Everything was negative and her older kids are at primary school so hardly babes in arms.

Girls it's a real turn off.

I know someone who's a bit like this, just had her 5th baby but moans endlessly about her older children, especially the boys . She expects the eldest to be the unpaid help and goes crazy if he's anything other than compliant.
She seems obsessed with the baby stage but gets bored with them once they get to around 3 years old. Fortunately she's decided to not have any more, although I don't suppose she'll ever appreciate the ones she's got

Yes and moaning about how hard work they are and they seem normal kids.

I wonder if it gets to be your "schtick" after a while.

yes of course all other mum's have perfect lives, their relationsips are perfect, they don't suffer from depression and god forbid they're simply having a shit day and needed a moan

Its every time. This is day to day life. How can it be a suprise.

so we can rule out having the shit day, perhaps every day is shit for her because she has depression, or has a shit marriage?

But she could have been moaning about anything! People moan about
buying christmas presents,
about the rain,
about their parents....
So does that mean -
Jesus was born
you live in England
you were born
get over it?

Why do people always want to make these divides ?
It is just passive aggressive bitchery

You get negative people and you get positive people. Negative people will always find something to moan about and that will generally whatever is going on in their lives (usually children if a parent). Positive people will usually find good things to chat about.

You could always counter her moans with lines like: "Are you planning on having them adopted then?", or "So you didn't plan on having these children? Were they all accidents?".

wow Freckle - I'm glad you don't go to the toddler group I attend - that would have made me feel so much better if you'd said something like that to me up to just a few months ago.

Snort at freckle. It is just dull after a while. I mean four isn't an accident is it?

There must be SOMETHING enjoyable about her kids!

Well, I'm not certain I would have said that to anyone. But then we're not talking about what I would say, are we? I was responding to the OP's OP.

I have a negative son and I do sometimes tell him he's being a pain in the proverbial because it is so draining listening to someone drip on when there is really nothing wrong with their life.

and how exactly do you know there is nothing wrong with their life?? A lot of people are very good at putting up a front and making out that everything is great when actually it's a pile of shite

So do we presume everyone is a depressive?

I think we perhaps give her the benefit of the doubt.
Or maybe just avoid her rather than repeatedly talking to her only to privately sneer at her.
Or finally think that perhaps she is just happy to have found another incredibly negative and pretty miserable soul to bond with....

But eveyone on this website sneers at real life. Look at AIBU! A hotbed of sneering.

Oh for goodness' sake, it wasn't a serious suggestion. Sheesh.

The trouble with the internet is that we can all be Mother Teresas considering every nuance of people's lives and Doing The Right Thing. In RL, very few people are like that and many would avoid a moaner without presuming to delve into his/her psyche. If I had any inkling that someone had depressive issues, then I would respond appropriately, but I'm not a psychologist/doctor and it would be stupid of me to take on stuff that I'm not qualified to deal with. I might offer a shoulder or a listening ear. But some people are just moaners with no underlying problems other than a negative personality.

I once told someone I had four children (at the time only had four) and the woman responded as though I had announced I had ingested the plague bug or something -"FOUR? FOUR? God, one is bad enough".

Lucky child, hey?

yes I agree, people who whinge aboutwhat they have chosen to do, do get limited sympathy.

I have a sister in law like this. 'Oh it's easy for you, you just have the one', you wouldn't be able to do that if you had two. Then she goes and has another one, on purpose, and now loves to complain even more. Well just stop having kids if you hate it so much! We all have bad days of course, but I hate it when people sneer at me because I'm not constantly moaning about my child.

not mother teresa
just had to attend playgroups whilst seemingly OK but actually going through terrible time with DS2 being diagnosed.And people who are struggling feel sensitive about raising issues because of how negatively others react. Hence the pressure to put a brave face on and conceal

But fwiw I do love that mumsnet can produce threads where people are incredibly negative and moany about people who are ...er ...
...

I whinge all the time particualarly about dd2 it doesnt mean I dont appreciate her or the love the bones of her I just find her hard work.So should I now not have no.4 because I find no.3 hard work?

Some people just enjoy being martyrs in my opinion.

but that's just the bloody point Freckle - a lot of people with depression give no "inkling" that they're feeling that way.

Have to say I've never yet met one of these "negative personality" types who doesn't have some underlying reason as to why they're negative -whether it's depression, or just shit going on in their life which they mask by whinging about other stuff instead.