is this inappropriate?

[myermay]

Is it a dreadful thing to let you 6 year old take their ds to church whilst we attend a christening?? Admittidly i don't let him bring it out when we go for dinner as i like us all to chat but is it so bad for an hour long christening service provided the sound is turned off? i would normally take him a magazine/toys to keep him quite anyway, so is this acceptable or rude?

Why on earth would I (or a child) like a place where I have to
"Sit down
Shut up
Bloody listen
Speak when you are spoken to"

Because you have been invited to a christening!!
If you don't want to do the above then decline the invitation, no one is forcing you to go! If you do go you could at least take an interest!
There are lots of occasions where you have to do all of the above,
and 6 yrs old is old enough to understand that you need different behaviour for different places-what is appropriate for one isn't for another.

I have to like it because I have been invited!!??? No I don't have to like it just because I have been invited.
However If I accept an invitation for church then I feel I will have to make sure that my children cause as little disruption to other people in the church who enjoy going to church without my children ending up miserable and hating going to a place that dictates that people should:
"Sit down
Shut up
Bloody listen
Speak when you are spoken to"
therefore I provide entertainment for them in a shape that will not disrupt (i.e. making excessive noise)the other church goers.

More, Jesus does not want you or your children to be miserable. He wants you and your children to feel welcome in his house.

God loves those who are last in the parenting competition like me. There aren't many parents with ultra perfect kids in church. Prehaps those on a this thread are like the pharoses.

I would treat going to church like if you were visiting relatives. If you were going to visit granparents you might bring toys for your children, but you might understand that granparents might be a little hurt if your children did nothing but play on a nintendo ds and did not socially interact. I think it would be unacceptable and rude for a child to play with a nintendo ds for the whole of a church service.

Providing entertainment is a good idea. I provide my son with toys, and he has been going to church since he was a baby. My son's doesn't own a nintendo ds. The sort of toys he likes are transformers, power rangers

At the age of 6 can you not just talk to him about it?

My ds (5.5) in the last 10 mths has attended Christenings and a Wedding and he needed nothing to see him through both, other than to sit next to me at the Christening and for the wedding he was a page boy and he really didn't want to be one (except I spoke to him and talked him through why that was, why it's important he does as he is asked,smiles nicely in the photos etc and he was was 110% fine,) I understand the concern that our children may be noisy etc, but at this age they are old enough to understand that sometimes as piscesmoon says different behaviour in different places. For example I have seen a parent sat at a school play text on a phone almost constantly when her daughter's class had finished their piece. Despite the request for phones off at the start of the show, she abided to this until her child had done their bit and then got bored, it was a bit distracting though her phone was on mute, I know this is not a Church but hopefully a picture is painted.

It amazes and amuses me that there are people out there willing to post questions like this because they honestly don't know the answer in advance.

I have a meeting at work tomorrow. It will be a bit boring and I don't like some of the people there so I was thinking of playing with myself under the desk during the dull bits. I am 34 but like to stay entertained all the time. I would not make any noise - unless I take magazines or toys as well ... AIBU? Come on, mnetters - help me out with this taxing dilemma!

ManI, I'm sure no-one will mind if you take in your portable DVD as well, just to make sure you have enough stimuli!!

I'm with Moonie on this one. Kids get no time to be bored nowadays and its when they are sitting with nothing to do that their imaginations develop and they use thier powers of observation. Its actually really important. The oppotunities for kids to sit and 'be' are getting fewer and fewer as we ferry them off to clubs and activities, entertain them with a million electronic things, let them watch telly in bed 'til they fall asleep blah, blah, blah the list goes on. Sit and explain the event to your child, talk about the significance and what will happen, sit near the front where he can see and whisper in his ear to tell him what's happening. Pop him the odd sweetie now and again if you have to and help him to learn the following lessons

1. Not every thing in life is aimed directly at him
2. Other people's beliefs and religions should be respected no matter what yours are.
3. Family occasions always often have boring bits but we love and respect our family so endure bits we don't like.
4. Sometimes the pictures and stories in your head are better than the ones on the screen.

PS mine are five and three, go to church every week, sometimes sit really well, sometimes don't, don't have any kind of DS type entertainment of any sort in their lives and have only benefitted from occasional bouts of boredom and thinking time.
PPS've led worship in church with rude people sending texts. Very off putting to worship leader/vicar/person at front imo

I think it's wrong to think that any entertainment need be provided. At 6 as I'm sure others have said, it is old enough for children without some form of special need, to sit fairly quietly and endure a bit of boredom. Expecting this of them isn't expecting too much, and it's actually our job to introduce them to all sorts of events/experiences and to show them how to behave in these various situations. Taking him to a christening won't be the most fun he's ever had I guess but by expecting him to sit reasonably and take it all in, you are helping him IMO.

littlebrown, you said it! Sitting and 'be' -ing for an hour won't harm him, and will be good for him, I agree.

'Kids get no time to be bored nowadays and its when they are sitting with nothing to do that their imaginations develop and they use thier powers of observation. Its actually really important.'

I agree totally. It is such a shame that people feel they need to be stimulated or entertained for every moment of the day.

Isn't sad that church is something to be endured rather than enjoyed. At our church the six year old visitor would be invited to join the Sunday School. He would spend his time doing a bit of drawing, listening to a bible story and singing. He would be brought into the main church for the Christening as well as ten minutes at the beginining, the holy communion and ten minutes at the end.

Frankly I don't want children about during a sermon. It limits what the priest can say. It should be possible for the priest to raise issues that are only suitable for adults.

There is the part of the service that are aimed at adults and the sunday school is aimed at children. Each group of people have teaching that is appriopate to their needs. When the needs are met then no one is bored.

There is plenty of evidence that making children sit in silence for an hour bored stupid is a disaster. All you have to do is look at the number of adults who were forced to go to church as children and never darken the door of a church as an adult.

I was taken to church every week as a child. We were only allowed to take religious picture books. It was mostly incredibly boring, and oh how I envied those children who were allowed to bring action figures. I am now an aetheist with a great capacity for daydreaming whilst looking attentive.

I think a nintendo is not appropriate, but cannot for the life of me understand why books and quiet toys are held to be not allowed for a child who is not a churchgoer, and who probably does not have any religious beliefs. If it was a situation where his parents could talk to him and explain what is going on, then fair enough, but as she will be being quiet too, that won't really work.

I have a very active child who has major problems keeping still (and dd who is fairly good at this). I carry a bag with cards, books, and yes two DSs. I pull these things out when I can see ds is getting very restless in situations where he needs to be quiet and still(ish). I usually get comments about being well prepared, not bitching about what a terrible parent I am that I can't force my child to shut up.

We took ds once to a wedding. He spent the majority of the time running around the churchyard. I don't think that upset anyone. When we went to a family funeral, again after a while dh took the children out. Discretely. I really can't see this as a big deal.

My children spend lots of time outside, play great imaginative games, enjoy a good book and can sustain a pretty decent conversation. At other times they like to play on their DSs and other electronic kit. So do I.

We're not talking about being bored in church every week, we're talking about going to a family occasion in church to which the OP and her family have presumably been invited. My kids are not bored in church every week, they stay in for the children's parttehn goto Sunday Club except when its a family service when they stay and take part in the fun. I don't want my children to be bored in church every week BUT I think it does them no harm to realise that everything in life is at aimed at them and I really do believe that a bit of sitting and being is really good for them.

EEEK! glaring error! 'not everything in life is aimed at them' Am done in!

In a lot of churches christenings happen in the main service. The logic is that new member of the church should meet other worshippers. It would be nice if the OP family enjoyed church enough want to go every week.

Ofcourse not everything in life is aimed at a child, but there are plenty of ways a child learns this. Even athesists produce children who undestand they are not the centre of the universe. (Except I suppose you could argue that anywhere is the centre of the universe)

Its quite important to me to have a church with good teaching. That includes the adults as well as the kids.

This is going to sound patronising, but seeing as you ask, try telling him what's going on. If you already go to church he must understand the basic ideas, and he should enjoy being involved.
At our DS christening the little ones liked sitting at the front to they could see what was happening during the actual christening, and if you point out things to him it could take you a long way. Even if it's formal (DS was christened at a Sung Eucharist, about as high church as you can probably get), people shouldn't actually mind having children there, and it's about welcoming a child into the church so I think I'd not worry on that front.
He's used to prayers, and singing, so I can't imagine there would be much left of the service to manage.

then get out the colouring..........

Reallytired, it's lovely that your church takes that approach, but have you ever wondered if it's actually the kindest thing to do for children? How do they learn and grow if we just fill every gap?

It's a christening, a one off special event, and not really about the OP's ds. It's about the baby being christened and the baby's family. If the OP doesn't think her ds can sit through the whole event, she can either take him outside or book a sitter.

I don't think that being bored at church teaches you anything except that church can be really boring. Being bored in general is quite good for children, because it teaches them to use their imagination and find things to do. That's not really possible in church is it? I'm not sure how daydreaming (or counting the "ums" in sermons) is supposed to bring you to God, which surely is the purpose of church. Reallytireds church sounds lovely, but the OP said the church for the christening was formal and old fashioned, with lots of shushing. I can't see why a bit of colouring and something (appropriate) to read should be a big deal, although I do agree the DS is a step too far.

I think being bored in church is good for the imagination purely because you can't do anything, so it all has to go on in your head.
I agree with Jackaroo-involve the DC and explain.
There is nothing wrong in having a book or colouring as an extra, but not as an alternative to be given as soon as they arrive. The environment of the church gives plenty to talk about.

Surely there are other and better ways of developing imagination than being bored stupid in a church. I would challenge anyone to prove that the children of athetists are lacking in imagination more than the children of regular church goers.

My son is developing a relationship with Jesus. He enjoys church even though our church is pretty formal in many ways.

No one is talking about going to church-this is a one off christening that he has been invited to as a guest-therefore he could at least take an interest at the beginning.