I'm not coping with mornings

[swedishmum]

I need to get a better morning routine so I can get back to work. I have 4 dcs - 3 at sec school and one just started in reception. Children reluctantly come downstairs by 7, then poor dd3 gets plonked in the car in her pjs while I take the older ones to the bus stop. In between shouting at the dog and making lunch stuff I hardly have time to brush my hair let alone shower before I take dd3 to school at (hopefully) 8.30ish. I think forcing teenagers to move without prompting is what I need - any brilliant ideas? Have thought of leaving them to miss the bus if they don't get up early enough but as we live in the sticks there is no other way for them to get to school.
I've been in tears again this morning and it's really starting to get to me. I should be able to cope and get out of the house in a good enough frame of mind to work, surely.

I was going to give you tips on being more organised etc but then read you have teenagers. I would let them miss the bus nd not take them to school, teach them a lesson!

You have my sympathy.

What time do you leave the house in the car for your three eldest? How long does this trip take you? Can they not walk?

I have three under 5s and no dh in the mornings

I have to bath the night before (which I hate but no other way to cope) and I always make lunches the night before.

We leave the house at 8.30am (I get up at 6.30am so it takes me two hours to get sorted!)

If your older children are teenagers surely they ought to be helping making their own lunches by now (I certainly had to from about 14 onwards) ???

you could make the lunches the night before, or even, i think, make them at the weekend and freeze them.

draw up a rota for the teens to take in turns to walk the dog/help dress the youngest child.

tell them "Happy Mum = Happy Kids"

I agree with petitfilou on the lunches - my mother never made me a packed lunch in my life and I have no intention of ever making one for anyone else.

btw, it's only theory, as I have to get up at 5.45am to get everything done!!!

Sounds like you need to have a meeting sweedishmum, with a huge piece of paper so that everyone can have their solutions to the morning rush put down in ink.

Start your meeting by saying that you're finding the mornings very stressful and how you feel - more than likely all your DCs are stressed and unhappy also.

Then ask them to come up with ideas for how to get the mornings running smoothly. Write all the ideas down from everyone.

Then discuss each idea and come up with a solution everyone agrees on.

Then put the solution into practice and see if it works, tweak and repeat until you have a fast and lovely morning for everyone.

If your Dcs are not up to play team, leave them be in their beds, missing the bus - and don't give them a lift - without their lunches (they should be making them themselves at this age) / sports equipment etc and they'll soon look sharpish and take more responsibility for their own lives.

Good luck and remember your teens will surprise you with the solutions they have - try not to blame them for how unhappy you are at the present situation at your meeting - they probably hate all the shouting / rushing also.

Win win, is always lovely! Good luck

zazen's idea sounds very good to me (in theory!)

I assume the littlest one has learnt to dress herself - my ds1 learnt pretty fast that he had to do it himself once he started school.

Definitely make sandwiches the night before. I didn't make my own sandwiches as a teenager as my mother reckoned it was quicker and easier (and probably less messy) to do it all herself. However, whilst she was doing that we were washing up and clearing up after tea so we didn't get off scot free.

In fact do as much as possible the night before. Are your teenagers (or your 5yo for that matter) ready to go in the mornings or is there chaos as everybody looks for homework and PE kits? Make sure that bags and kits are ready for the morning so all that anybody has to do is get up, get washed and dressed and eat breakfast. Do nothing n the mornings that can be done at another time.

Meeting sounds a great idea! Will definitely do that - thanks Zazen. The bus stop is nearly 2 miles away/no footpath/no way of knowing if they've missed the bus as the stop's in the middle of nowhere, so much as I'd like them to walk.....
I think I only do the lunches as it's quicker (tried the night before but everyone thought their sandwiches were soggy!) - they are all perfectly capable at 12, 13 and 14. Dh works away all week but to be honest, just adds to the chaos when he's home.
Thanks for the ideas - it's just really getting to me at the moment. They are gorgeous kids, just not in the morning. Will sit and discuss with them in a positive way tonight and hopefully have positive stuff to report back.

Could they cycle to the bus stop? Especially if there was a lift on offer but they missed it due to not getting up.

How far is the bus stop - could they walk there? My parents both left for work before I left the house for school. I walked to the bus - and from time to time I did miss it - but being so late for school would tend to get me back on track to getting there on time. Perhpas they need to experience the consequences.

Could one of them be 'monitor' for a week at a time and in charge (with some sort of incentive) of herding the others?

I only have one preschooler and getting to CM/work in the morning is challenging - must be a nightmare with 4 at school!

bugger their moans about soggy sandwiches! Point out that if they don't like them, they can make their own. Actually I'd book them all in for school lunches.
You can have a shower at 6.45 and then get dressed while they get their own breakfasts, surely?

They have choices about the lunch. They can make their own the night before and risk sogginess. Or they can make their own in the morning. Or they can have school dinners. My 8yo can make her own and makes her sisters' lunch too on occasion. I can't imagine making lunches for teenagers. Especially if you have a job to get to.

Their sandwiches won't be soggy if they don't have soggy things in! Leave out the tomatoes/salad etc and there won't be a problem

How far is the bus stop? Anything under a mile and half they could walk themselves. If you must drive them tell them what time you expect them to be ready (assuming they have watches) and leave on the agreed time, with or without them.

A couple of generations ago some of these teenagers would have been in full time work.

They should also be making their own lunches.

Get them to make their own lunches/breakfasts and get dressed themselves. If you MUST drive them to school I second the "in the car by Xam or I go without you" (and make sure you do it).

2 miles is what? 3 kilometres? Not so bad for healthy teenagers, if they miss the bus I assume there is another along later?

They can handle it, they just won't if you keep holding their hands.

If it's two miles to the bus stop I completely understand why you drive them (what happens in the afternoon?). Is it a school bus or a normal public bus? Because if it is the former, obviously it cannot be missed.

Maybe you all need to get up a bit earlier in the morning? Which in turn might mean going to bed a bit earlier in the evening.

I think it's hard - my DSSs (11, 13) have an 8 am start most days, which means leaving the house at 7.20 am. Which means them getting up at 6.45 am and my DP getting up at 6.40 am - and there are no lunches to prepare.

The 2 mile walk is along a single width winding road with no footpath. The bus stop is isolated and they wouldn't know whether they had missed the coach or not, and there is no mobile reception there. I've been almost knocked into the ditch more than once while walking the dog! Not practical to walk - a downside of country living. The next bus is 2 hours later, and then when it gets to town the girls would have a 10/15 min walk from the bus stop.
We're having a discussion tonight. What I really need them to do is for them to get up without loads of calls up the stairs from me - that's the wearing bit. Threats? Bribery? Water pistol? Take something away? Without another adult around in the week it's getting really tiresome.

It's a school bus - stops at both schools. In the summer they walk back across the fields, but normally I pick them up in the winter as it's getting dark and there are no street lights.

Ah, you need them to get up without chivvying?

We used to have this problem with the DSSs - especially DSS2. Since we now put him to bed at 8.30 pm, lights out at 8.45 pm, the problem is SOLVED (he even wakes before the alarm).

What time do your children go to sleep?

Swedishmum - I had this problem on a much lesser scale (I only have one 5 yr old so no excuse really )

I loathed the shouting up and down the stairs too!

It has been solved by timers, buzzers and bells ... I kid you not!

Alarm clocks (obviously) for everyone to get up

Kitchen timer at "half time" (indicating time to finish breakfast and dress or other way around)

Oven timer goes off 10 mins before departure (cue gather up equipment/bags etc)

A bloody loud hand bell 3 mins before departure!! (Assemble in hall)

Stick to the times. Set the bells. Anyone who is not on board gets left behind.

I love the idea of bells!

Just watching this as I'm rubbish at mornings too - with only a 4 yo and myself to get ready

Counting, the bells and buzzers are genius. I may copy you.

Can you tell I went to convent school?