Tell me aboout 4 year gaps between children.....

[NotSoRampantRabbit]

How does it work?

Do they play together (eventually)?

Can they share a bedroom (without meltdown/disturbed sleep)?

Go on - tell all....

theres 4.5 years between 2nd and 3rd child.
they fight but get on too
they play together
they share a room
i quite like the gap.felt odd for me as only 1 year and 5 days between 1st and 2nd child.so seemed huge gap!

I have a 3.3 gap. It can be a nightmare, but generally they get on. I find that although dd1 is very good, dd2 tends to copy her more 'challenging' behaviour! DD2 is more grown up as she copies her. For example DD1 got a DS last xmas as she's 6, but DD2 wants one now and she's only 3!!

They do share a bedroom and it's no hassle. Even if we had another bedroom, they would still share as I think it's good for them. I shared with my sis, (3 yrs younger) and we never had any problems like that.

They do play very well together as well. Bickering is common, but they would bicker no matter what age gap!!

HTH

Oh, DD1 got a nintendo DS, for xmas, not a baby brother DS!!! Although we have just had a baby DS!!

There is 3 yrs and 9months between my DS and DD. They are 7 and 3 now.
They actually play quite well together, though DS is very good and does tend to play more at DD's level (iyswim)
The younger one does seem to be a bit more grown up than DS did at the same age, just have to be careful that the little one does not grow up too quickly.
I think with this sort of age gap there does tend to be some times when you have to stuff with the older one that the little one does not do. For example, I recently took DS to Chessington on his own cos DD wouldn't have been able to go on many rides, and I also took him to the Museum of London on his own as DD would have literally zoomed round and then be finished.

Thanks for replies.

I always thought I would have them closer together, but to be honest it's taken me this long to recover from DS!

It's going to feel pretty strange to bring a new baby into our family - exciting, but I do wonder how it will affect DS (pfb alert).

Someone suggested that it is personality rather than age gap that determines how well they get on.

Would like them to share a room but am prepared to ditch the office/spare room if it means we all sleep (obsessed).

DS had a little meltdown after a long day at nursery today and I was cuddling him and thinking about how, in 4 years time, that I would be cuddling his sibling while he did whatever it is that 8 year old boys do.

Argghhhh - I have the fear I think!

4 years between DS2 and DS3. It works well - they share a bedroom and play well together (now 10 and 6). Possibly helped by the fact that DS2 is quite young for his age and DS3 quite mature. They're the best of friends - DS2 is on a constant mission to educate DS3, who's quite receptive to it all

But certainly much much easier than the 2 year gap between DS1 and DD - when DS3 was born, DS2 was just interested, not jealous at all, and old enough that he understood that babies are demanding etc.

I don't have much advice becuase I'm onln 1 year into it. There is 4.1 between mine nad its going okay so far but ideas about the future would be good to hear.

So when you do stuff as a family what do you do????

Do you pitch it at oldest/youngest child, or do you tend to split up and do things separately.

Do you think I might be over-analysing this?!

Hassled - that's reassuring.

DS is very "into" babies and brothers/sisters. He's quite chilled out and generally really kind and patient with friends' babies/toddlers. Of course that doesn't mean he'll feel the same about one that he can't get away from!

I guess I'm worried because I really struggled with parenthood first time round (very unsettled baby, horrid PND) and so don't want to inflict any of that on either child, but especially not DS (again).

There are 4 years 6 months between my two DS's. They have always shared a room, and fight and play in equal measure. DS2 adores and looks up to his big brother, and DS1, while pretending that he thinks DS2 is a little pain in the neck, secretly loves him back .

The main thing I have noticed is - as blametheparents says - that DS2 has always more independent/advanced than DS1 was at the same age, partly because DS2 wants to be able to do everything that DS1 does (and used to get frustrated that sometimes he couldn't). That's less of an issue now they are (just) 7 and 1. DS2 is generally more feisty/spirited than DS1, and I'll never know whether that's to do with being a younger brother or how he'd be anyway .

There are 4 years and 2 months between me and my (younger) brother. We're not close, and I don't really remember playing with him in the same way my DS's play together.

Def over-analysing (sorry!)

We do all of that:
Going to park, softpplay suitable for both ages.
DD now ok at cinema, but there is a period when one of us used to take DS on his own to the cinema and the other would do something else with DD
Have been tenpin bowling / swimming etc as a family.
DD gets draggeed round to DS's afterschool activities a bit, but when she is in reception then they will have to take it in turns.

I found the hardest time was the summer holiday when DS was 6 and DD was 2. She was too old to be sat in a buggy and dragged to his activities, but she wasn't old enough for a lot of the stuff that he could do.

Ah , just seen your comment on personalitiy, rather than age gap determining how well they get on - that's certainly true for my DS's and me and my DB.

We have a nearly 5 year age gap - dd is 12, ds is 7. So far it's worked brilliantly - ds worshops hs big sister and she dotes on him. The have never (I am amazed as I type this!) had a big falling out.

I think it helps that ds is very bright, and dd is on the clever side of average, so that he can usually keep up with her (ish), but because he is so much younger, he can't really compete with her, if you see what I mean. So far, jusding by my friends' experiences, 5 years is the perfect gap!

I'm going to have 4.5 years between ds and my next dc....

and 7 years between dd and next dc...

I worry ds will get the hump!!

NotsoRampant - I was terrified of having another baby as I hated the 1st year of mother hood and only really felt that I could consider getting pregnant again when DS was 3, i then fell pregnant straight away.
I was dreading that first year again, but it was ok. My expectations were pretty low!, and also i guess inthe end I was just more used to what parenthood invlolved to little things didn't stress me out so much.

DS is 6 and DD 2.
Agree with blametheparents - we do the cinema, swimming pool and bowling all together.
Tried them both sleeping together in a double bed earlier this year but no good really so have now sorted the upstairs rooms out so they have a room each.
HTH

Reading with interest as we are kind of trying for a 2nd. DS1 is 3.11 .

I'll read again with interest your posts when your next one comes along !

Theres 4 years between me and my sister. We shared a room no problem. we played together all the time we also fought all the time too.

Theres 3 years between my 2 dds. They also share a room and play together all the time and fight all the time. I like the age gap between my 2 I think it's about right.

Thanks so much for replies. Alot of my friends are having probs conceiving no's 1 or 2 and so I don't feel I can crap on about my (probably) irrational fears at the moment.

It's good to hear lots of stories of DC's getting on well, and it makes sense that there is less competition so less to fight about.

Don't really know why I;m worrying about doing things as a family. We do lots of swimming and mucking about outdoors and not a lot of the organised activities (yet), so I guess that's stuff that anyone of any age can enjoy.

Agree that expectations are low for year 1. I know what's coming. Any improvement on the first time round will be a welcome surprise. Am hoping that having DS1 will mean I cannot over obsess about the baby.

Am coming across as quite deranged.

12 weeks pg is my excuse.

evansmummy

I am unlikely to post for at least 12 months after birth. Too busy rocking in a corner shovelling chocolate muffins in and wearing pants on head.

Will update June 2010.

Dinny - that is almost exactly what I have. Ds1 is 7, ds2 is 4 and ds3 is 3 months. It is all fine. 7 year old is not that interested in the baby. 4 year old has no jealousy and totally enamoured by the baby. ds1 and ds2 get on so well together (and share a room), i will be interested to see what happens as ds3 gets older.

Ilana - ah, sounds lovely!!

dd (currently 6) and ds (4) also get on really well and share a room - dd is so excited about the baby

ds is just worried it'll be a girl!