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Parenting

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Original poster

anyone have boys but secretly longs for a girl??

58 replies

controversial · 09/11/2008 13:49

we couldn't risk trying for a 3rd and for it to be another boy as although we would love him to bits, it would only add to that empty feeling...

anyone feel the same?

OP posts:

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Saturn74 · 09/11/2008 13:52

Never.
Which may be unusual, as people seem to think I should.

AbbeyA · 09/11/2008 13:57

I would have chosen a girl beforehand but now that I have 3 DSs I am quite happy and don't feel the lack of a girl in the least. I wouldn't know what to do with one now!
The only thing that bothers me slightly, after reading threads on here, is that a lot of women seem to think that their DP comes in isolation and resents getting a family! MIL seem to get a hard time and, in a lot of cases, are an inferior grandmother! I might miss having a girl at that point.

Heated · 09/11/2008 14:19

I have gfs who both have 2 boys each & quite often when we meet up (we have a ds & dd) they both say oh how much they envy me putting dd in cute girl's clothes (makes dd sound like she's in ruffles and lace all day!)

But then they say commerisatingly that they don't envy me the hormones, the dating & boys are so much more straight-forward to parent etc. I must admit these now repeated comments are getting a bit tired, but I tolerate them because I think (with amateur psychology guessing head on) that they say this to quell the pangs of not having a girl. If you knock the idea enough, you don't want it...does that make any sense? Or maybe I've got it wrong and they really do pity me having an XX and not an XY?

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EnchantedWithEdwardCullen · 09/11/2008 14:24

I have 2 boys and wanted a girl (but funnily enough i did hope for 2 boys firstgf)

When I got pregnant with this baby it just seemed impossible that it would be a girl, i was sure it was a lad, but it is a girl.

I feel relieved as it just takes the pressure off now to 'keep trying for a daughter'

so i know how you feel, although if this baby was a boy i don't think id be devestated, just feel pressured to try again in a few years.

HeadFairy · 09/11/2008 14:27

Not really, got one ds, trying for another baby and I'd love another ds. I think they'd be great mates, I absolutely adore little boys, girls always seem a bit more hard work. Maybe it's just my sisters two dds, they're so cheeky, so much backchat! Plus I get to save a fortune on clothes as I'll never have the "mummy I want to wear the pink sparkly shoes with the pink sparkly dress to the supermarket!" argument (at least I hope not )

Original poster

controversial · 09/11/2008 14:28

i gladly admit i would love a girl....

heated knocking the idea enough won't want me not want a girl... and i'll admit i envy those with a girl at whatever capacity.. i think you've hit the nail on the head on your gf's... shame!

good point abbeya on being a MIL and inferior grandmother never thought of that one but true! not sure what you mean about "DP comes in isolation and resents getting a family" bit?

i am so grateful and thankful to have children, we struggled to where we are now, but admittadly don't feel complete...

maybe i am in isolation?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 09/11/2008 14:30

I have 4 girls and it was only with the final one I would have been happy to have a boy.

I think a lot of it is preconceptions what you think it would be like having a girl? It really is grass is greener type of thing, so everytime you have those thoughts try and console yourself that you wouldn't have had a perfect dd or a perfect mum & dd relationship!

DoubleBluff · 09/11/2008 14:36

I have 2 boys and would love to have had a girl.
Didnt try ofr number 3 as didint want to be disapponted with a third boy.
I ma gratef ul for my two lovley boys and wouldnt change it.
But I do dtill feel something is missing.

desperatelyseekingsleep · 09/11/2008 14:50

Yes,yes,yes - I struggle with this daily and totally know what you mean about that empty feeling... I love my 2 boys to bits, but would have loved a girl both times and feel extremely guilty about feeling this way. Am also extremely of friends who have one of each, though of course I would never admit that! I couldn't risk trying for a 3rd as I'd have to be very sure I'd be happy whether it was a girl or a boy, and at the moment I know I'd be devastated if it was a boy. I'm hoping the feeling of emptiness will lessen after time... And as somebody once said to me on another thread recently, you need to just get on with loving the family you have!

AbbeyA · 09/11/2008 15:15

The isolation bit was that, from reading these threads, a lot of women won't visit a MIL on their own, it is a duty thing they do with DH. They very begrudgingly say that it is nice for the DCs to have the grandparent relationship and the subtext,seems to me, to be that they don't want the relationship themselves.
They are happy to have their own parents around but the PIL are strangers!!
I feel that women who feel like that want their DH to belong to their family but would rather have DH without his mother! I am hoping that if my DSs get to that stage I will be gaining a daughter and not losing a son.

Original poster

controversial · 09/11/2008 15:41

glad i'm not alone.... i totally couldn't risk a third until i was sure if it where another boy...

abbeya thanks i see! ikwym, but then again i don't see dh visiting my mum on his own nor would i want him to!!

from experience from my MIL and her behaviour towards me i will make sure if in years to come DIL and DS visit i will make her feel welcome... in fact would prob make an effort to see her on my own too, woman on woman... i wonder why my MIL never wanted this with me....

OP posts:

Original poster

controversial · 09/11/2008 15:43

what i meant is i couldn't risk a third until i was sure i could handle having another boy!!

desperately yes, get on with loving the family you have.... so true and so am doing and will forever!

love my boys to bitsx

OP posts:

LazyLinePainterJane · 09/11/2008 15:45

I very much wanted a boy as my first and got one, I love boys and love having a boy. Am expecting a girl this time around, but would love to have another boy.

NellyTheElephant · 09/11/2008 16:04

I think lots of people feel like this - either way around (even though we may prefer not to admit it). I have two utterly gorgeous girls, who I wouldn't change for the world, but still I DID want a boy. Like you we thought long and hard about having a third and had to be sure that we wouldn't find ourselves disappointed if another girl turned up and would be able to accept it whatever the result (obviously we would have loved her completely - but would I still have felt that slight emptiness....?).

Anyway, in the end, we decided to try the natural sex selection method (Hazel Chesterman Phillips), but were very open to the fact it probably wouldn't work. I'm very happy to report we've just found out we are expecting a boy. Who knows if it was coincidence or whether we did up our odds of conceiving a boy.

All I wanted to say really is it is a tough decision whether to try for a third and I do think you have to be sure that you will be happy and handle it well if another of the same sex turns up,

insywinsyspider · 09/11/2008 21:09

yes, I have 2 ds's and am pg with no 3. We decided that we couldn't have 3 if I would be disappointed if it was a boy but I do hope its a girl, my boys are gorgeous and close in age but I am v close to my mum and I would like the opportunity to be a mum to a girl, we might not get on but it would be lovely to have the opportunity to find out - I'm very envious of anyone that has one of each and think I will always feel a little sad if I don't have a girl - this will be our last lo but that feeling is completely seperate from how much I adore my boys.

midlandsmumof4 · 09/11/2008 23:09

Well as my name suggests-I've got 4 boys and never once longed for a daughter although my OH did and I was shocked at the number of people who actually commisserated with me on the birth of my 3rd & 4th.

MinkyBorage · 09/11/2008 23:13

I have two girls, and would be delighted to have a third as am currently pg, they are very small and cute atm, but I am fully expecting them to turn in to monsters when they hit the teenage years, that bit, I am not looking roward to! You might get an easier ride with boys!

Moosmummie · 10/11/2008 09:42

I desperately wanted a girl with my second and cried and cried at my scan when they told me he was a boy. Now he is a boy who would really like to be a girl - so huge amounts of guilt and self blame there as I feel like I've caused it (

southeastastra · 10/11/2008 09:45

i'm happy with my two boys, but sometimes i worry about the future, and know i'll never have a daughter as a friend when i'm older.

i also worry about being a mil. from the posts on here, the paternal mil seems to get alot of stick.

midnightexpress · 10/11/2008 09:55

I have two boys and probably won't have any more children now for various reasons, but not because I wouldn't want another boy. DP would love a girl, but it isn't something that really bothers me - as soon as they're born, you can't imagine them being anyone else iyswim, so it really doesn't matter to me. Like midlandsmum, I was a bit when I was pg with my second how many people (including my own mother) tell you 'oh I hope it's a girl' - like you can do anything about it!

I don't have any sisters, so wonder if that makes a difference?

SoupDragon · 10/11/2008 09:57

Be Careful What You Wish For: I had 2 boys, fabulous funny loving adorable boys, and then I had BabyDragon. She is feisty, independent, stubborn and I will be very surprised if both of us survive her teenage years. If we get that far.

happywomble · 10/11/2008 10:08

I feel very fortunate to have one of each.

However from a child's perspective it is nice to have a same sex sibling or siblings, and probably more shared interests. I have a friend who was one of two boys and he and his brother are still very close as adults.

I know a few people with three boys and their boys are all gorgeous.

There are also the practical advantages of having all boys or all girls such as easier to share bedrooms, handing down clothes etc.

However, I think it is natural to hope for a child of ones own sex so I can relate to what OP is saying and would probably hope for a girl if I had 2 boys..

Annthecat · 10/11/2008 10:08

I always thought I'd like to have daughters.

Now I have 2 sons and feel no yearning for a daughter.

They are perfect beuatiful children and I honestly can't imagine wishing for something different, or more.

Like AbbyA, I do have some fears for the future when they marry and I am alweays the MIL, but think although that may be hard I still couldn't wish for anything other than my boys and the life I have with them.

AbbeyA · 10/11/2008 13:41

If I had the choice to do it all over again I would do the same again. Like Annthecat I have no yearning for a girl.
Luckily I know a lot of people in RL who have good relationships with MIL, unfortunately you never hear about them on here (or rarely)!

SoupDragon · 10/11/2008 18:32

"I do have some fears for the future when they marry and I am alweays the MIL"

Er, it's exactly the same if you have daughters, You're a mother and MIL. Of have I missed some nuance of having boys?

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