anyone have boys but secretly longs for a girl??

[controversial]

we couldn't risk trying for a 3rd and for it to be another boy as although we would love him to bits, it would only add to that empty feeling...

anyone feel the same?

I know deep down that I care more about my mum's relationship with my DS's than I do about my MIL's. Because she's my mum. However, I do like my MIL a lot, and try to involve her as much as possible with the boys. That said, I'd never have wanted her there at the births (my mum was), or in the v.early days when I felt really rubbish. I feel sad that I will probably never have this close relationship with the mother of my grandchildren. That I will always have to be very careful of everything that I say and do for risk of offending future DIL's. However, both of my DS's have problems with their testicles, so at the moment, I'd just be thankful to know that they can both have children, never mind what my relationship with them will be.

I love being a mother of boys, which I find strange since I never would have 'chosen' to have boys, certainly not two anyway. I think I'd have always longed for one if I just had DD's as DH is a very good father of boys. However, I no longer long for a little girl, I'm only sad for the loss of the relationship that I might have had with a daughter in the future. But, I might not have gotten that anyway for some reason, so I'm not going to spend my whole life sad for something that I haven't got.

I know that I don't want three children, so we won't try again for a girl. If I knew that I wanted a third, be it boy or girl, I probably would try again, but I don't really want any more children, I would just like a little girl.

The point is that the DIL is the one with the power in the family! If the DIL doesn't want you around you won't see much of the DCs.
I think you will find that when the DIL is pregnant she wants her mother, as put on a thread here, one told her MIL, who was only trying to be useful,leave me alone, I have my own mother to do that'!!! It is stated over and over again that they are comfortable with their own parents but the PIL are strangers!
MIL is often supposed to wait at least 3 weeks to see her grandchild because she should be understanding that DIL needs space.

Possibly you would have more complaints about mother's mother if more men were writing, but on here the father's mother is the one left out.
I am very aware that it is the DIL with the power because my DH1 died and it would have been very easy for me to edge out his parents instead of welcome them into my new family. There is very little they could do.

Perhaps you are just lucky SoupDragon if you haven't noticed this.
If my SIL tells people that my mother is coming to stay they commiserate, even though they have never met her and know nothing about her!! She gets on excellently with my SIL who enjoys her company.

I think you will find on here that many women wouldn't go and visit MIL without DH-they think it is odd to want to! When I mentioned that my DH2 went to see DH1's parents on his own it was commented on as being extremely odd.
It seems extremely odd to marry someone if their mother is too horrible to be a friend!

I just get very sensitive on the subject-it can be so negative on here, and utterly depressing. A positive MIL thread got about 2 pages in 3 months, and several replies were people wishing they had nice MILs!

oh boy i'm now depressed but it's so true abbey.

If I am perfectly honest, I put my mother first-I think anyone would. I do however make the effort to be very fair to MIL who I get on well with-only because I made a real effort at the start.

i think i'll be a mil who just swans in and out, has lots of dogs and drinks g & t's for lunch.

I get on well with my MIL and she loves me!

There was thread on here today complaing about a MIL and the 1st reply said 'all MIL's are like this' I didn't bother reading any further but it illustrates what mothers of sons could be up against.

I didn't mind either way for my first (but think I thought I would find it easier with a girl.

As someone said, once you have them, you can't imagine anything else.

I really wanted a second DS and got one, but had lots of commiserations

I really like having two of the same sex, v. easy for toys, clothes etc.

I look at my friends' girls and can't imagine getting into the whole pink sparkly princess thing.

But I also think it would be nice to have a daughter later to go shopping with etc.

Will have to adopt a niece I think!

DH would love a girl...

I always wanted a girl. If I'd only had one child, I would have wanted that child to be a girl. Was so very glad that DD (my eldest) is a girl. Think this bizarre form of sexism evolved as a reaction to all those people you hear say want a boy.

When #2 came along, I was totally relaxed and unfazed about gender. DH however obsessively wanted another girl ...

Now DS is here, I have to admit he is a much more easy-going child.

I would love a daughter!

When DS2 was born(I was convinced he would be a girl) it felt very right to have 2 boys and I look forward to seeing their relationship develop. There is a part of me that feels I will be missing out if I never have a DD, but I think this is because I worry that DSs tend to grow apart from their parents, whereas when I had my children I felt so close to my mother and wanted her to be around as much as possible.

DH isnt particulary close to his parents and only calls them once a week out of duty rather than for chat because he wants to. I worry about about the lovely closeness I have with DSs now turning into this. Dont think I would worry about this if I had a DD.

And I would love to go shopping for girls clothes...

Only have DS but no, never. He is bliss.

Gosh, I had never even thought about the MIL thing - I guess I'm lucky that I have a nice one. Though I do remember talking to a friend of mine in the past about 'mothers of sons' (ie mothers who only have sons and no daughters) being a bit odd (I've had several boyfriends in the past who were one of three boys or in one case one of 6 boys ) and their mums were often a bit...well...perfectly nice, but just let you get the subtle feeling you weren't quite what they were looking for in a potential DiL.

Anyway, I'm now one of those mothers of sons, but sincerely hope I'd welcome any DiL properly into my sons' family.

Every man I have ever been out with have been very close to their mothers.

I have 2 boys & can't imagine having a girl!

i have never had a close relationship with my mother, maybe that is why i would love to have a girl? although as we all get older she seems to be more interested in my life ... infact coming to stay for 3 weeks next week when ds2 is due to help out - so for me solidifies that i'll never experience that choice to spend time with my daughter when she goes through childbirth etc!!

however, my sister is married to a twin (2 boys) and she gets on well with her MIL, but they do live in different countries! how many women still live close to their mum's anyway let alone MIL's?

i think it's got alot to do with the attitude and behaviour of the MIL towards the DIL and i welcome any DIL and hope she does the same for me....

would anyone consider gender selection? it was in the news recently??

interesting thread indeed!

I only have a DS, and just because you only have boys, does not make you a awful MIL and a inferiore Grandmother.

My DDIL and I get on extremely well, I have found that I have a real alli in a family of males, it is lovely to have someone to go shopping with (and to have someone who TAKES her FIL shopping at Christmas, so that I end up with a lovely pressie that I really enjoy)

DS and DDIL have no children yet, but DS has a DD from a previous relationship, who has lived half her life with us, and still spends a lot of time with us, I definitely don't class myself as inferior.

As long as you bring your lads up to be strong independent, and respectful, why should having a boy mean that you are Inferior when they are full grown?

prada, I think it is interesting that you state that your lack of a close relationship wiith your mother has prompted you to want a girl. I have a complicated relationship with my own mother and tbh it has sort of scared me in terms of how to have a positive relationship with a daughter. I am pg with #2 and in some ways I feel more comfortable about the idea of another boy. (My relationship with my father is equally but differently complicated, but I have a wonderful dh who has sort of restored my faith in the male gender). Does that make any sense?

Probably not .

Also, I would ask my IL's to look after ds before I would ask my own parents. And that is not to say that my relationship with MIL has always been easy, but she is a kind person at heart and adores her grandson and most importantly (for me) she is entirely reliable... definitely not the inferior grandmother.

Bluebutterfly yes you make sense! i guess i have missed out on that close mother/daughter relationship that i have envied and wanted throughout my life...

however, now married, settled etc, focus has shifted from my past to my future, i've spent too much energy and emotion on my past... however when MIL did not welcome me with open arms (i took away her baby boy, 2 older siblings still at home, single.. in 40's!!) my mum had warned me.... i feel sad i don't have a relationship with MIL either... but tbh her behaviour leaves nothing to be desired!

i have to add, my mother had 4 daughters (i am number 2) before having her tubes tied then a boy by accident who along with my older sister have always been her priority.

Shoshe interesting you would refer to DIL as DDIL where everyone else refers to DIL!

Two DS's here, and I was thinking about this topic recently because I have finally accepted that I won't be having a girl. (DH already has a boy and a girl, he didn't want five kids, fair enough!) I used to be really sad about only having boys, but I really love it now. The boys are hilarious, and great friends. They are two and a half and four, and play together for hours. I cried at the second scan too, just hoping for a little XX. But this won't happen for us. I think there can be a genetic component to a propensity for some men to father more males. My FIL had 14 grandkids, just 3 of them girls.
Boys and girls are great in different ways, and I think boys make worse teenagers, my DSS is hard work, DSD still lovely at age 14.
Anyway, I think PND, and lack of bonding, was a factor for me. I thought I was missing having a girl, when actually I was just generally sad. My youngest says "Mummy, I love you" all the time, and I just couldn't imagine him being a girl, he is such a sweet boy.

I have one son and always wanted at least one boy. I may TTC for another child and would like a girl, but would be very happy either way.
For those who have two boys and would like to try for a girl but are not sure if they could cope with three boys, have you ever considered adopting a little girl?

I feel the same as the OP, if I am to be honest.

Thank you all for your posts, really interesting to read your thought and experiences. I guess that feeling of wanting for me will never go away....

Gateau, Yes, dh and I have discussed adoption, would be lovely if able, but understanding there are more deserving couples out there wanting babies full stop before we go barging in iykwim...

DH thinks he has all male sperm anyway, we did chart for months, not aiming for gender but to get pregnant and looking back at my charts per some suggestions on this thread on natural gender selection, we had many months where we dtd days before ovulation, but didn't get pregnant and the months we did it was on or after ovulation (and boy)... so wonder how accurate those methods are??

Prada that's because she is a DDIL, she is a wonderful girl.

(Not least cos we have the same taste in clothes, and doesn't take any nonsense from Ds, who can be the most grumpy sod at times )

controversial i dont secretly long for a girl i openly do!!

Have two boys and im going ttc number three very soon. I desperatley hope its a girl but i want another child more than i want a girl if you get me.I would try regardless.

I would hate to think though, that i never have a daughter.And im praying it works. Funnily enough, i think if id have had two girls i wouldnt have longed for a boy in quite the same way

I agree completely with flo. Thats what happenes with sons and their mothers when they get older. I have o tell dp to visit his mom. No one ever had to tell my sister or me that. The closeness that little boys have with the mothers isnt the same that older daughters have, not in a million yrs. And id love shopping for girls stuff especially as im very girlie!