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Original poster

Anybody else here envious of people where the grandparents take the dc,s on holiday overnight etc etc

52 replies

crazyashell · 03/11/2008 09:23

Hi
Just wondering if anybody ever feels envious like me when they speak to people who tell you that their dc's grandparents have taken them on holiday, away for the weekend, on a sleepover, out for the day, etc.
And then there is the grandparents who seem to take over a large part of the parenting role taking them to and from school, after school clubs, etc, does anybody else ever think crikey I wish I had all of that sort of help, I have to pay out on loads of child care fees in order to work.
I never have anything like this in fact its always the opposite as I have elderly parents with various health problems and I have to do alot for them.
I care alot about my parents but I do wonder sometimes if anyone ever feels like me.

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Hassled · 03/11/2008 09:27

Oh yes, I feel jealous as hell sometimes. Completely unhealthy and unfair, but there you go - one friend in particular have fantastic, hands-on parents and she takes all the help so much for granted. Both of my parents are dead, DH's parents alive and well but determinedly never going to have the DCs. My oldest is 21 - in 21 years grandparents have babysat once.

needmorecoffee · 03/11/2008 09:28

yes. In 17 years the grandparents have never helped with my 4 kids, even when we were desperate and number 4 was seriously ill in hospital and the docs thought she was dying. I had to have the other 3 kids there at 2am as there was no-one to help.
They've never even babysat.

Original poster

crazyashell · 03/11/2008 09:30

Oh god thats awful needmorecoffee.
I know that our children are our responsibility but in that situation I think some help was warranted.

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Gateau · 03/11/2008 09:40

Awful Hassled and needmore coffee!
My in-laws are about 40 mins' drive away and they babysit whenever we want them to, which isn't that often. But they are very helpful, so I can sympathise with people who don;t have this. THey would also take our DS overnight but he's only 18 months old and I don't want thatyet. I also can't imagine wanting anyone to take him on holiday, but he's very young and I suppose that could change! Can't see it, though.

shabster · 03/11/2008 09:42

I'm envious from the other side of the coin. Became a first time gran in June. My lovley DIL has had severe PND and wont let my grandson out of her sight. We see him about once a fortnight and I dont want to moan about it to them because that puts my DS under so much pressure.

We saw them yesterday and my DIL said 'If it hadn't have been for my mum and sister I think I would have gone mad.' I am so glad that she has help but very envious. I do their ironing and have shopped and cooked for them, but I never have time with my grandson on my own.

bronze · 03/11/2008 09:43

No because my inlaws do have my eldest two overnight sometimes so I am one of those people. And yes because my DH is rubbish and never takes them off my hands so though the GP take a boy occasionally I don't ever actually become child free. Thats not their problem though but my DHs (and mine)

exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 09:51

YES yes and thrice yes. Not that my mum doesn't help, she does, but she is 73 and would not cope overnight. ILs live 50 miles away and wouldn't dream of having DD overnight and i wouldnt do it as they hardly see her anyway.

In fact was at hte weekend of a friend who's husband had organised a surprise night away for their anniversary.

I should bear in mind that with DD1 though, she stayed with my parents most weekends so i had it easy then. Now i live in the real world

exasperatedmummy · 03/11/2008 09:55

Shabster, that is really sad for you. Maybe you could offer to have him for a day so they can have some time together - she might not realise it but that would be just what she needs. I had PND and i was pretty much the same, it was never really an issue for us as the ILs do live a way away and they have millions of grandchildren.

trefusis · 03/11/2008 09:56

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HuwEdwards · 03/11/2008 09:57

We have no help. Our elder DD is 8 and DP and I have never had a night in or away on our own.

sweetkitty · 03/11/2008 09:58

Yes all the time/, both of friends who have GPs that look after their kids every so often/provide childcare so they can work/actually have a lovely relationship with their GCs.

My mother is only 54 lives an hour away but cannot be bothered to visit us, she has only seen DD3 once since she was born in July (has only been in my house twice this year). She is one of those toxic parents though who told me it was for the best I was having a mc for example that kind of mother I can do without.

MIL visits once a month but isn't hands on couldn't imagine her changing a nappy or babysitting for example.

I would love to have someone I could pop on for a visit during the week that would maybe let me sit down for 5 minutes, make me a cup of tea and let me have a moan but it's not going to happen.

Nevermind going on holiday with GPs I would like some that phone once a week and ask how we are doing!

AbbeyA · 03/11/2008 10:01

I think that is so sad shabster, hopefully as he gets older she may relax and not be so possessive.

cmotdibbler · 03/11/2008 10:01

Yes. My parents couldn't cope (mum has early dementia and my dad isn't very well) and the PIL have kind of done it all before with their other 5 grandchildren who are a lot older. They also like to be away a lot so you could never rely on them. If we ask very specifically, and they are in the country, they will, but TBH we'd rather pay someone

I have a friend whose mum and aunt do an amazing amount for her, and then she still moans about the cost of childcare...

mumof2andabit · 03/11/2008 10:03

Yes a lot of the tim. My mum is quite severly disabled and wouldn't cope on her own even though she protests oherwise I wouldnt be happy with it. My dad and us have had massive falling outs and although he now has young children as well his parenting techniques are not in tune with ours! As for dh's parents, again we fell out with his dad when ds was small over his new wife smoking in our house so although we see them now we wouldnt leave the kids. Dh's mum, we trust completly she could probably have them over night - if she didnt live in canada

littlerach · 03/11/2008 10:03

Deeply envious.
My mum looks after my neice regularly.
My ILs look after our nephew very regulalry, and will look after his sister when she is older.
WE have no help.
I think it is geographical, as we are further away, but also that dh and i have always managed whereas sister and SIL seem to need more help.

etchasketch · 03/11/2008 10:06

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Eddas · 03/11/2008 10:07

omg i was just thinking this. My MIL is brillinat but she has 6 grandchildren so is spread pretty thinly, plus she still has 2 step shildren living at home(although aged 18 and 21) and she works, so can only be of limited help. She has never said no to babysitting, but I do try to limit the amount of times I ask as, like I said she has 6 grandchildren. 4 (my 2 and bil/sil's 2)of which have only her as a babysitter the other 2 have grandparents the other side and other helpful aunts/uncles.

I don't wish other people don't have help either i'm just of those that do and that people can't/won't help me.

It also bugs me when others moan about the help they get when really they get loads of help. I don't say anything though. No point, it'd just come across as jealous, which I suppose is the case, I just don't think some people realise how lucky they are.

HappyMummyOfOne · 03/11/2008 10:15

I lost my mum when I was young so only have MIL. She rarely visits and we take DS once every month or so for a quick visit. I could rely on her in an emergency though.

We dont ask her to babysit or take DS though as we tend to go out as a family and prefer to spend the weekend with DS. Plus she's raised her children and shouldnt feel obliged to help.

Spidermama · 03/11/2008 10:24

I have a mum who's just unwilling to help in any way. She feels that she has done her bit and when she comes to visit she wants to be waited on while she escapes from the kids.

My dad lives 600 miles away and comes about once a year for a day or two. He's great when he's here but it's never for long.

These people with attentive parents who actually like being with their grandchildren are so, so, so lucky. It must make an enormous difference. I do feel properly disadvantaged in this area and I will do my best to make sure I'm there for my kids'kids if they want me to be.

HeyJude07 · 03/11/2008 10:29

Yes, definitely here.

Both dh and I live in different countries to our families, so we have no one to help at all. We have been out once in the past six months together, just to the movies, while a friend of ours - who is soon shifting to another country - looked after our ds.

Would love to get out more often, or have a night to ourselves.

Spidermama · 03/11/2008 10:30

I agree with eddas .... isn't it annoying when other people moan that their mum is 'interfering' by, say hoovering or helping with the laundry. God those people don't know they're born do they?

It's a really sersious disadvantage not to have family around for me and the kids.

AbbeyA · 03/11/2008 10:43

I find it very strange-I loved my MIL cleaning and ironing! Sadly she is no longer fit enough to do it. She enjoyed being helpful.
I have a large age range in DCs and the grandparents were all younger with the first. My PIL used to stay in our house with DCs when we went away and it was great.By the time the youngest was a toddler they were older and it was too much.
It is a shame people can't swap-plenty of people posting on here don't want their DCs to stay with grandparents!

Eddas · 03/11/2008 10:47

spider, i agree with you too

it's so very hard to explain to other people. I sometimes stnad listening to others talk about lack of help and think, you know full well I have very little, but yet there you are moaning. I think though as people we need something to maon about(especially women) It normally doesn't bother me, but atm i could really do with some help. I feel very alone. But, I am aware that help is not a given right, if you have it you are just very lucky, if you don't, somehow you cope. You have no other choice.

I think what I find very very hard about this is that my mum died 5 years ago and I know she was so excited about being a gp. In truth that is why it hurts so much. I miss her and wish she was here.

sweetkitty · 03/11/2008 10:48

Totally agree with spidermama feel we are seriously disadvantaged not having GPs that help out. I'm not even talking about staying overnight once a week, if I have to go the doctors they all have to come, would be so much easier just to drop them off with Gran for half an hour.

When I was pregnant with DD3 I could hardly walk with SPD yet no help was ever offered, if I were have to go to hospital to have given birth I would have went alone as there was no one to look after the other two.

Oh I get so when a friend says she leaves her ironing out when her Mum comes to visit and her mum takes it away and does it for her.

Original poster

crazyashell · 03/11/2008 10:53

I feel a bit bad now as there is definately people much worse off than me.
Sweetkitty how awful for you if you was anywhere near me I would help you out.

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