Do you let your kids hit you?

[purpleduck]

OK, I am just genuinely curious...
I see lots of kids hitting their parents, and the parents just either take it, or move out of the way, but very often say nothing.

So, if your kids hit, do you just figure they have to let out their frustration, or they are too small to hurt so its ok, or just a phase...?

Just wondering

No, not at all.

Once they hit 12 months old, absolutely not.

No.

No, hitting is a naughty step offence and a stern telling off. DS doesn't hurt ATM but as he gets bigger he will and then it is unfair to suddenly slap a rule on him that was never there to begin with.

Also, he may not be hurting me as he does it, but if he did it to other childrem he might hurt them. Children should be taught that hitting is wrong. There are other ways to let out their frustration.

We have a rule that if you hit then nobody listens to you. We will listen when you use a calm talking voice.

DS2 flails his arms about, but at 6mths he has no intent to hit. Once they get intent then they need to be told no.

No, absolutely not.

I am always a bit shocked when I see parents not react to being hit and kicked by a tantrumming child.

Absolutely not,never, I have zero tolerance towards anybody hitting adult or child.

Instant time out from day one, as a result my dc never hit each other or anybody else. Whining,winging and silly bickering they do but hitting no.

no

no way.

wouldn't say i let him but ds(7) was a handfull and would wallop us quite a bit.

of course we told him off, wasn't easy to get him to stop though.

no

even a little baby, i would gently take their hands away and say 'no hitting'

My 3 yr old hits me sometimes. It's a big no-no for me. I take hold of both of his hands and say very firmly 'NO HITTING. WE DO NOT HIT EACH OTHER'. usually that's enough to nip it in the bud. If it escalates into a tantrum (occasionally when he is very upset / tired, he will start trying to hit and kick me again) he goes to his room to calm down. It's probably the only time I ever use anything remotely like 'time out'.

Absolutely not. If you let them get away with it they grow up thinking it is acceptable. They have to find alternative methods to get rid of their anger, however young they are. I agree with Mrs Mattie-same method.

No.

DS is 7 and he kicked me yesterday. Came home from football and I was pretending not to let him him and we were joking around and then I opened the door and he just kicked me. I think it was a jokey thing and not meant maliciously - he wasn't angry. He got severely told off and sent to sit at the top of the stairs - I told him I was so angry he may end up there for 3 hours. Also told him that I would ban football if that was what it taught him.

I was furious.

Left him there for a while. DH went upstairs and said he was lying on the carpet with his pillow and crying. Left him a while longer and then went up and had a serious chat. Told him to have a think about it and come and apologise. He did.

Not sure whether I handled it right tbh. DH reckoned I was too harsh. I tend to shout.

So - no I don't let him but not sure I dealt with it right.

I never hit anyone and have never been hit by anyone. Whatever the difficulties hitting is unacceptable and has to be enforced every time. It might take longer with some DCs than others.

cat64 I totally agree. For chn with SN it can be a totally different ball park.

did you know the people you saw hiting?do you know if theres any sn?

my ds1 went through this not long ago aged 7.turns out he was being bullied.he hit me hard.we didnt put up with it but we also didnt just dismiss it-there was a reason behind it.

That's interesting cheeses - my ds went through a 'hitting' phase when he was in an unhealthy friendship with a boy who would hit him at every occasion. We made sure the friendship fizzled out - so did the hitting.

My DS is just 2. A couple of months ago he went through a hitting me phase - I responded by saying No, no hitting etc - being firm and consistent, all of that. He just got worse. He started parroting back what I was saying to him and even saying it as he was hitting me.

So I completely ignored him every time he did it and he stopped within two days. He has never hit me again.

So what I am saying is that I will not tolerate hitting but my approach might not look like I am doing anything to an outside observer.

No.

No. However if ds is really upset about something and entering meltdown phase and is lashing out I would let it go in order to concentrate on diverting the meltdown as it isn't really about the hitting at that point and to address each little part of the whirlwind would be pointless. However once calm I will always talk to him about it afterwards.

I agree with cat64 - SN children need different handling and the fact they have SN may not be apparent to an outsider.

I also agree with TPL - sometimes ignoring is the best policy. DS2 has hit me a couple of times when smaller and likes to be defiant. Telling him not to hit is guaranteed to have the opposite effect. Ignoring him works much better. It is usually just a phase.

Older children should know better of course and need to be dealt with differently with some sort of sanctions.