Do you let your kids hit you?

[purpleduck]

OK, I am just genuinely curious...
I see lots of kids hitting their parents, and the parents just either take it, or move out of the way, but very often say nothing.

So, if your kids hit, do you just figure they have to let out their frustration, or they are too small to hurt so its ok, or just a phase...?

Just wondering

and i have ds1(15) who is as good a gold, a total pacifist

hecate
My heart melted with your post.

My nephew has autism, he is quite severe, and while he has come an amazingly long way (my sister was told he would probably never sit up), he would find it tough to play for too long with a group of nt kids.
Although, that said he has tranfered to a school for special needs kids, and he has friends fir the first time He is 15

Earthymama, that is what I meant, parents who consistently DO NOTHING.

cheesesarnie, you are always really sweet to me. Thank you.

pd. That's really sad. Many children with autism do struggle so much, don't they? Mine also reach that point where they have to get away. - but don't we all, really? They are just a bit more, erm, how can I put it...direct about it

One thing I can tell you is that the experts - what the experts tell you - Nod politely and let it go in one ear and out the other. At various times, I was told mine would never speak, never have any independence, never come out of nappies, didn't understand the concept of names, wouldn't cope in mainstream...etc etc. It's like wherever they are is the most they'll ever achieve, iyswim. And everything is always about their autism, when many things are just them being KIDS!!! We have been much happier since we stopped listening to the 'experts' and just went our own bloody way.

My sister is at that place too
She gets so very tired of arguing with the GP's/ neurowhatever/ insert professional of choice

It's a pain in the arse. They think they know everything when in fact most of the time they know nothing and have this idea of The Autistic Child.

It seems there's just the one.

When in reality, every child is different.

AND the 'experts' hate being disagreed with or challenged in any way.

Tough luck for them! You have to develop a hide like a rhino and keep telling yourself that you are all your child has and it doesn't matter if the 'experts' all hate you and stick pins in little plasticine figures of you, as long as they come up with what you know is right for your child, and they shut up with all their "Autistic children do X, Y, Z" shite!

I assumed the OP meant NT kids.

Am sure that SN kids need different strategies.

hecate - thanks for posting. As someone else said your comment about what actually hurts them about the punishement being how they feel is very wise and applicable to NT kids too.

Posts like yours remind me not to judge in situations where a child is kicking off in public.

And your pride in your DCs is wonderful and much deserved.

No I don't, DD is nearly a year old and has started to playfully hit, but also pinch when she is crying and not happy.

I either take hold of her hands or pick her up and move her and tell her no. She is beginning to understand what no is as she generally tries to do it again I tell her no again the she does this fake cry

Personaly I think hitting, even playful hitting, biting and scratching should be told no as soon as you think they can begin to understand it.

My SIL's older DC who are 9, 6 & 5, bite, hit, punch, kick and scratch her and her DP, but she just moves out of the way or take sit from them. I couldn't stand it if DD ended like that and I just took it.

Absolutely not!! even when i know its just a hit out in frustration/tiredness etc i always discipline him, I don't think people are doing their children any service by letting it happen as its not teaching them boundraries of what is right and wrong, if they hit me then they might think its ok to hit someone else too.

G

my DS is 18 months and hasn;t got to this stage yey, but I;ve vowed this is something I'll stop immediately IF it ever starts. Not sure how I would do that though....

ginseng, how do you discipline your DS? Just looking for advice..
Is it naughty step, sharp telling off, banned to room, tap on hand???!

Dd is not SN in the sense of having behaviour problems, but did go through bad patches due to her disability (and its misdiagnosis) when she went into complete meltdown and had to be restrained. Last time would have been when she was about 9. I restrained her, made sure she could not hurt anyone, made her do whatever she had to do (like go to school despite the pain), but did not do any more punishment afterwards. She was shaken and upset enough anyway. She has now grown out of it and is respectful as 12yos go.

Db used to have hysterical tantrums which my parents dealt with in a similar fashion. He has grown up into a lovely gentle adult.

I did all the other disciplining things at normal times. You know, when a child just hits you because they are normally angry and frustrated. But that is different from complete meltdown.

absolutely no way ever.
haven't read other posts but dh doesn't hit me, i don't hit him we don't hit the children so they don't hit us or are allowed to hit each other

no, my kids have never hit me but dd1 did bite me once and she's never done it since

my ds2 (nearly 5 and no SN) hits us when he is angry. We don't 'let' him (!), but so far the behaviour has not extinguished itself...
I have to say it is not always as easy as just telling them not to(!) ds2 may get time out, sometimes I just tell him hitting is not ok, sometimes I just ignore it (usually it is in the context of him being angry with us about something else and the hitting is a way of him deliberately escalating the confrontation - sometimes I choose to ignore it and focus on the issue we were originally trying to deal with, rather than allow him to 'up the stakes')
I don't think its always straightforward.
But if anyone else has a great idea that will stop it, I'm all ears

elliot, did you see hecate posts
The woman is wise

just clearing up, i misread the post and didnt realise it was about SN children, apologies

DD is going through a hitting/biting mummy stage - never does it to anyone else and only does it when she's really overexcited. It results in being plonked in her room for two minutes and being told very clearly that it's absolutely not acceptable behaviour.

She's two though so I'm hoping she's just testing boundaries and being randomly horrid as they do at that age.

To Gateaux - I am very firm if/when he tries to hit, i am sharp with him in my voice and tell him its not nice and 'don;t you ever hit mummy!! etc and i think because i am genuinely shocked by it it comes accross. I have a very sensitive son so it seems to be enough and he is very sorry etc. I don't know what i would do if he were to carry on... that may come in the future, but i hope not, i hope that he will just realise that it is not acceptable.

G

DD has started hitting me, she is 2.5 and NT. She knows she shouldnt but she has one hell of a temper and does, i remove myself from her at home but when out (she slapped me round the face on a shop once) i dont react as i cant put her on time out, i will normally pick her up carry her out, possibly strap into buggy if i can physically.....so it may appear i am doing nothing but i know there is no point of even discussing it with her until she has calmed down

I'm not sure what you mean by 'let'. If a child loses his rag and hits out, it can be quite hard to stop. How you choose to react after the event is what counts surely.

I'm not sure that reacting strongly with anger is the best way anyway. Might be better to wait till they calm down to tackle it. And maybe ignoring too. How do you know how other parents intend to deal with it?

Absolutely not!