HOW do you manage to parent "unconditionally" when you have more than one child?

[Fillyjonk]

I am beginning to suspect that AP is all very well until you have several close in age

thoughts?

Sorry, I am turning this into a 'playdate' etiquette thread.

But at the same time, if your DD won't accept the logical explanation from you, she might find it easier if it comes from the other parent or the other child.

Scatty it might depend on where you live. My children play out all evening with neighbours friends sometimes. So it's not changed everywhere.

I also do similar otherside when it comes to inviting children over. Pick a day that suits and either get the child to ask their friend to ask their parent or I ask the parent direct.

I would also say that it's better to start reasoning with children when they are small as it lays the foundations for when they become teenagers and the whole concept doesn't come as a strange idea.

We live in a bungalow, surrounded by pensioners lol (we couldn't afford a 'family house').

I don't think lljk is having trouble in inviting kids round to play, it that her dd wants to be invited back and really you can't say to someone 'when would it be convenient for my child to come to yoyr house for tea?' LOL.

Ah, but Otherside, the other parent typically says "Oh yes, we must have you around some time" -- and then they never do!

Here's another one... tidying rooms. I know AK mentions this as a specific example in his book UP. AK seems to say "So what if their rooms are messy?" BUT, when they come whinging to me because they can't find things, when their things get broken because they are constantly being trod on, and when the floor is wall to wall things so I can't clean it properly, when toys are mounded up behind the door so I can't open the door properly -- then having an at least occasionally tidy (ish) room becomes a real issue.

(and that's without them being teens in the habit of leaving used cutlery and utensils, or very smelly socks and pants lying in corners under the bed for days on end, breeding odours that can permate the entire house).

Do my DC accept any of those rational arguments, and become motivated thereupon into tidying up (at least occasionally). Do they buggery... They simply can't be arsed.

So I make it a pre-condition of suitable outings (like T-or-Ting) that they have to tidy up. Please would someone tell me what the correct UP response would be, instead?

This is quite relevant to thread OP, because if you only have one child they smell and mess the house up a lot less than many DC!

(Yes Scattyspider, you understand DD's playdate situ perfectly).

does UP work with a child with a problem understanding language? As it can be rather hard to reason/explain at times due to the language difficulties.

I see now, the problem is being invited back. Hmm, I think Scatty is right that other parents might not be in a position to invite back and some parents don't do playdates anyway. Some parents like inviting children over and some are not always so keen.

As regards the bedrooms - I mostly shut the door on them. The younger children's rooms I bark orders about them cleaning them up occassionally and tell them to strip the beds off or I warn them that I'm going to. Now and then we all pitch in a give it a good going over. The older children are responsible for their own bedrooms with reminders from me for them to surrender crockery, towels, bedding etc.

totalchaos - I don't know but with younger children they are quick to pick up on tones of voice and expressions without having to verbalise a lot.