How do parent a very tired child? Sorry very long so bear with me...

[Pitchounette]

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I obviously don't know you or your child Pitchounette, but I just wondered what kind of doctors you've been seeing - a general paediatrician or some more specialised? I'm genuinely interested.

Well I make him walk on the mornings he doesn't want to. Dragging kicking and screaming if necessary (but it that has never lasted more than about a minute). Don't engage, don't give any options. Just say today we are walking to school and head out the door. If he continues kicking and screaming I would take away something he wants or possibly say that if he doesn't stop immediately then there will no park after school or straight to his room when we get home. Don't engage - there is no power struggle over things that matter in our house, he will do as he is told.

As for food, we follow the "You will eat it or you will go hungry" method of eating. It isn't as harsh as it sounds as I do try to ensure that we all get something we like at each meal.

If he doesn't eat what he is given then he doesn't eat - not my problem. My job is to provide him with good nutritious food, it is up to him whether he eats it or not.

I am perfectly willing to admit that we run quite a strict household, but to be honest my son is quite clever enough to see what behaviour is acceptable and what is not - and use his good behaviour to his advantage when he wants something! I can be a total sucker for a good little boy who gives mummy kisses!

when my ds is tired i calm thngs right down - dvd maybe, or ride in the car.
If his behaviour gets to much to handle in the evening because he is too tired then it's bedtime

that is how I handle tiredness which is what your question seems to be.

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Quite possibly Pitchounette and that's fine to each their own.

I pretty much parent the way I was parented (and the way DH was parented) it works for us, something else will work for other people.

That is pretty much my parenting mantra "Do whatever works".

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Do you think he would maybe benefit from a routine? Like up at 7 (go in and wake him if necessary), brekky at this time, off to school at this time, snack in arvo, bedtime at 6 - hard to keep up but it might help to keep him a bit calmer if he knows what is coming next?

When my DD gets tired I try and encourage her to rest with me in front of the tv or read books. If she is rude or dangerous then she is discplined for bad behaviour. If she is just grumpy then I let her get on with it.

Your DS will be getting to an age where he should be able to relate tiredness with grumpiness so try and explain to him he is behaving this way because he is feeling tired. Let him 'label' his feelings or do it for him so that he knows its ok to be sad, angry, frustrated etc as long as he then doesnt take it out on other people. We have The Feelings Book which helped DD understand how she felt a bit more.

Sounds like a nightmare. I am the first to call for stronger discipline if a child is playing up but I doubt your GP would have referred you to a paed if it was just normal toddler tantrums.

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i know he's young and you're (understandably) worried but it really is important that both you and he understand he can't behave badly just because he's tired or sick.

if he's tired then gently encourage him to sit down and rest instead of letting him behave in a way you wouldn't allow your other child to behave.

he can't throw tantrums when he's sick for the rest of his life so you have to teach him now that good behaviour is still expected even when we're not feeling our best. you can do this calmly and gently by simply removing him from the situation for a 'rest' if he starts instead of cuddling and giving him positive attention when he misbehaves.

let him rest lots even if this means having the tv on more than you'd like in the afternoon or having to ignore the housework to cuddle up with him for a while, i've always been told that a rest is as good as sleep for the body and it cerrtainly seems to be true with my 2 when they start getting cranky and irrational when they're shattered

Its hard to separate the two though without a definite diagnoses. Especially when you say your husband thinks it may be behavioural (i.e. the firmer hand comment)

And I agree about 'routine' too. My DDs behaviour worsens if her normal daily pattern is disrupted.

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Pitchounette. My DD is also very sensitive. I found 'The Highly Sensitive Child' book very useful in helping me understand what made her tick. And often when I thought she was being 'difficult' she was just being herself, and I had to adapt my expectations. She is actually very bright, enthusiastic and funny, but a creature of habit, needs routine and find new situations unsettling. Tiredness exacerbates those feelings.

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hmmm well why are you giving him the disapproving look? Is he doing something to warrant it? If so, what happens after he collapses in tears at the look? Do you then try to comfort him or does he still get into trouble for the original behaviour?

the reason I asked Pitchounette was it sounds like there is something quite complex going on, assuming that organic causes have been ruled out like anaemia etc

'how do you get a child to exercice when they don't want to go on a bike or even to go to school walking (5 min walk) because they are too tired???'

you just do it, dd often claims to be 'too tired' to do things.... she's still able to walk the half mile to playschool whild whinging at me and is better of for having done it.

excercise provided energy, it sounds daft but it's true, the less a body is made to do the less it can do.

he's 3... of course he's going to whinge and complian about doing almost everything, it's seems to be part and parcel of toddlerhood unfortunately but you are the parent and if you know something is good for him then you have the power to insist, you'd be surpirsed at how often dd is crying because she's too tried to walk but is running by the time we get there, or doesn't want to play something energetic but once she starts she cheers up.

Pitchounette - does he get good quality sleep? Is he out for the count or restless/waking? The 'getting up tired' certainly rings a bell.

My ds2 was dreadful as young child. He slept alot and had huge naps but still tantrummed, headbanged and was generally a PITA to be frank. His sleep was very poor quality as he had ENT issues and a degree of sleep apnoea. I did make allowances for him but it didn't really help, he would kick off at the slightest thing. He couldn't communicate properly how he felt and it was very difficult. Does your ds suffer from colds/ear problems alot?

Him being pale and tired, I agree he could be anaemic - you could try a tonic like Minadex. It may help his appetite.

My dd has issues with tiredness/fatigue too, due to chronic ill health but has always reacted differently - when she was little she would just lie down. Most inconvenient

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oh sorry, had misunderstood your post.

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