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Original poster

Help!! 7 month old DS won't go in cot

23 replies

OscarPsmummy · 07/03/2005 10:11

My 7 month old DS has always been a bad sleeper but I'm really at the end of my teather now
I always have to rock him to sleep which I know I shouldn't but it's the only way to get him to sleep. As soon as I lower him into the cot he starts crying. I pick him up to comfort him and put him straight back down. It can take between 5 and 30 times to get him down. I'm sure he only eventually goes down because he is too exhausted to fight any more.
He then wakes up an hour later and the whole thing starts again. He wakes up every hour between going down at 7pm and me going to bed at about 11pm. When he wakes at 11pm I usually BF him and he eventually goes down for another hour. The next time he wakes I can't seem to get him to go back in his cot whatever I do so I end up putting him in bed with me and he stays there for the rest of the night. I realise that by doing this I'm teaching him all the wrong things but at this point every night I'm in tears and just can't do it any more.
If anyones go any ideas on how to crack these bad habits I'd be eternally grateful!!

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debs26 · 07/03/2005 10:16

have you seen other thread 9 month old refusing to sleep? looks like you two are in same boat. best advice i can give is go to library and get a book - think i got practical parenting book titled sleeping. i felt better about leaving baby crying for a bit after reading it and there are loads of different tips. also tells you how long different methods take to work. sadly theres no quick fix but if you can put up with a few bad days you CAN get through it

emz31 · 07/03/2005 10:17

controlled crying worked for me although it is heartbreaking while you do it. at 5MO my ds was waking evry 2 hours for a 2min BF to get him back to sleep (i used to BF him to sleep then stick him in the cot). bought the book how to teach your child to sleep by richard ferber and went with that.
also i took DS to a cranial osteopath as i was convinced he shouldn't be waking so many times at that age and it turns out, his bones in his skull were slightly misaligned and he had tension in his neck and tummy which could be affecting his sleep. this combined with CC worked like a charm and he was sleeping through within a week. you have to be really strong to do this though and i have total sympathy as there is nothing worse than sleep deprivation! good luck and HTH.

dinosaur · 07/03/2005 10:20

I've just done a sort of gentler version of "controlled crying" with my seven month old DS3 - who was just as bad as yours a couple of weeks ago - and he's now sleeping a good 8-9 hour stretch, then having a feed and going back to sleep again until the morning.

It does work, and I for one feel so much better, and DS3 has also been much happier and has started to nap better in the day too.

Have to dash but will look at this thread later if you want more info.

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Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 07/03/2005 10:33

Have always been really anti CC. Some books say it makes them even more reluctant to go in the cot. I am at a point where I'm willing to try anything now so would love more info please dinosaur.

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Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 08/03/2005 08:44

Had another terrible night last night and ended up arguing with DH about it all. Any other advice gratefully received!

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Toothache · 08/03/2005 08:49

OscarPsMummy - My ds was exactly the same. I eventaully thought, Why am I fighting this EVERY night?? For what? I wasn't happy, DH wasn't happy and Ds wasn't happy. I started co-sleeping from then on. Everybody was much happier and less tired after that.

There seems to be such a taboo in the UK about co-sleeping, but if it works for you then I can't see the problem. Thankfully dd seems to be a completely different baby and quite likes her cot! Ds just never ever settled in it.

So you do whatever works for YOU to allow you and your DH to enjoy your ds fully. DH and I spent so many nights screaming at each other coz we were both just SOOOOO tired, both had work the next day.

I always think there is nothing nicer than waking up after a good nights sleep and seeing your wee angel lying next to you all cosy and safe and happy.

Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 08/03/2005 08:53

I agree. I don't mind the co-sleeping at all. It's the evening that's more of a prob. Having to go to him every hour (last night it was every half hour) is very draining. Just need some time to myself!

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Toothache · 08/03/2005 08:58

OscarPsmummy - Yeah I can totally understand. We used to let Ds sleep on the sofa at first. That way every time he opened his eyes, he just shut them again when he saw where he was. Not ideal, but again, it worked for us and we got time of an evening to sit and watch TV.

As he got a bit older (nearer 1yr) we could put him to bed and he would sleep until 10pmish. We were usually just gong to bed then anyway as we have to get up at 6,30am for work.

At 18mths old we moved him to a proper bed. He would sleep much better than the cot and would go from 8pm to 1-2am before coming in beside us. That was better as mostly we didn't wake, we just automatically lifted him into bed.

Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 08/03/2005 09:49

Toothache- sorry about break. Thanks for reassurance. Nice to know I'm not the only one!

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WestCountryLass · 08/03/2005 13:56

nodding in agreement with Toothache

WestCountryLass · 08/03/2005 13:56

nodding in agreement with Toothache

megandsoph · 08/03/2005 14:44

just been watching baby whisperer about this exact same thing she did this thing called the four step E.A.S.Y plan

E = eating so bottle before bed

A = activity which is bath thime and then take babba down stairs and let them chill out keeping noise and play to a minimum.

S= sleep... put the baby in a cot with some rolled up towels either side of baby with snug blanket over the top of them and rest baby in the middle. cover the baby's eyes with ur hand to prevent any visual stimulation and baby shold go to sleep. If baby cry's pick him/her up and stay still with them in ur arms NO rocking or giggleing)just sooth the baby again and repeat the things above.

Y= You time

Just watched this now and this couple tried it for 4 days and it worked a treat

Goodluck

Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 14/03/2005 11:58

Just wanted to thank everyone for their help with my problem. Started cc with DS last tuesday and the longest he cried for was an hour and a half. Now he goes in his cot awake at bedtime with no protest and only wakes once in the night for a feed.
I was so against cc but I realised that DS was contolling my life and I had to take back control. Anyone else having the same problem it really does work! I feel like a new woman!!

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Toothache · 14/03/2005 12:01

Wow! Well done!! Didn't work for me I'm afraid. We tried it with DS for 3 nights in a row at numberous stages in his life. He cried himself sick every night.

So, I'm glad it worked for you, but it doesn't always unfortunately.

dinosaur · 14/03/2005 12:01

That's brilliant!

i'm SO sorry I never came back to you - just finding life a bit too busy atm.

dropinthe · 14/03/2005 12:15

Sorry to be a derbrain but what is contolled crying?-please dont tell me to buy a book-I havent time to read it but my thirteen month ds is still sleeping in our bed and I havent even tried to put him in the cot yet-still bfeeding him too so another problem as feeds several times in the night.
Please share......

Toothache · 14/03/2005 12:23

Dropinthe - It's when you ut them in the cot awake and leave them to cry. DH and I found it so stressful that we just argued all the way through it.

You start off leaving them to cry for just 2 or 3 minutes. Then you go, calm them down then the second they are calm you put them back in the cot, say Night Night and walk out again. This time you leave it 4 or 5 minutes..... then back in again...

You see the pattern. If you are going to try it them you are supposed to be prepared to do that for perhaps 2 weeks!!!!!! OMG!

I just hated seeing ds so upset and scared. And we gave up after 3 nights of hell. Then we tried again when he was about 18mths. Same again.

Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 15/03/2005 19:39

I did it slightly differently to that (as advised by my HV). I went in every 5 mins while he was crying but didn't pick him up or talk to him. I just tucked him back in and let him know I hadn't abandoned him. It seemed to work because he realised that he wasn't going to get any attention so he may as well go back to sleep. It sounds a bit mean but we're both much happier now we're both getting a good nights sleep.
I would have been happy to continue co sleeping but I realised that DS needed me to be with him 24/7 in order to feel secure. Now I know he feels secure in his cot on his own. That's got to be better for both of us.

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boohi · 17/03/2005 12:04

My little one is only ten weeks and we're co-sleeping at the moment...we've got a cot and try n put her in it for at least a little while every night but she won't fall asleep in it! We have to put her in once she has fallen asleep but she won't sleep for very long... we usually end up with her in bed with us for the rest of the night. Is it too early for CC??...to be honest i'm not sure i could let her cry like that is there another way round it at this age or should we just wait until she's older???

dinosaur · 17/03/2005 12:11

10 weeks is too young for controlled crying. I think six months is the recommended minimum age.

bundle · 17/03/2005 12:12

definitely too early. have you tried rubbing her tummy when she's in her cot, sitting beside her until she's drowsy enough to drop off?

boohi · 17/03/2005 12:19

I'm glad it's too early, i don't think im strong enough to watch her cry like that, but how do i avoid getting to that stage where i need to try CC?? i have tried sitting by her but she's a stubborn little monkey and when she's made up her mind that she wants to be picked up she doesn't give up!! I think because she's a totally BF baby she's gotten used to falling asleep while on me! It's very tiring By the way OPM im glad CC worked for you...it didn't with my sister's DS and her and her DH had many rows over it!!

Original poster

OscarPsmummy · 17/03/2005 19:54

Boohi- I'm not the best person to give advice as I seemed to do it all wrong with my DS. Did you read thread from megandsoph re: EASY routine. My sister used this method with her DS. It worked really well and he's a little angel when it comes to sleeping. Because you do eat, activity, sleep you never feed the baby to sleep and always put her in the cot awake. I used the same routine but I ended up rocking him to sleep which is just as bad as feeding to sleep. If you start doing it properly now you might not end up in a pickle like I did. By the way, my HV said no CC before 6 months.

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