Ok, I NEED to know, do you tidy your dc's bedrooms or make them do it ?? Plus HOW can I stop the mess

[IllegallyBrunette]

I have Dd1(10), Dd2(8) and Ds(5).

Currently I aks Ds to put toys away, he kind of flings them in the right direction and I do the rest, so his room is generally ok most of the time.

Dd1 is currently living in a shit hole to be frank. She has a small room, with bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers and desk. Her bed is a divan with storage section underneath.
The state of her room is a constant sore point between us with her argument being, that if it is all on the floor, then at least she knows where it is.
My argument, is that things get lost and broken because of the state of her room.
My mum thinks that dd should be made to help tidy it, but that I should keep it up.

Dd2 has a big room with bed, huge wardrobe, shelf unit and chest of drawers, but her is also messy, although not to the extent of dd1.
Dd2 loves books and so they are everywhere, on the shelves, in her bed, all over the floor, all over the window sill etc. She also still has alot of toys which I think she is now getting too old for ie pram, dolls dolls and more dolls.
My mum also thinks that I should tidy dd2's room to keep the peace and save on arguments.

As it is at the mo I nag, they moan and pick a couple of things up and thats it, so I nag some more. Occasionally I will give in and clear the whole room out on the understanding that they keep it up, and they don't. Dd1's room can go from pristine to a bomb site within 24 hours.

I have taken to just shutting the doors on their rooms as I don't want to look at it.

Both have left for school this morning with their blinds still shut, lights on and floors covered.

Is there a secret to finding a happy medium ?

Anyone ??

Have added pics of their rooms to my profile if anyone is interested.

I do think it's important that they do it. Not only because I can't be ar$ed to do it myself but they do need to know how to take responsibility for that kind of thing. also, you can say "if you don't do it, I'll go and tidy it using a shovel and a large bin bag"

FWIW, DSs rooms are far worse than your children's. Actually, mine is probably worse Dragons are not naturally tidy!!

I agree with you. I think that it is their room and so it is their mess and they should tidy it up.

My mum thinks that I should just do it, and then go in every day and have a quick pick up and clear round to keep them tidy.

I think that if I do that then I might aswell have slave tattooed across my forehead.

Actually, mine is only ok, but it is loads better than theirs.

the only way

sit on bed with brew and mag and tell then your not going anywhere til its done.

once they get older - you just have to accept that they are slovenly shits who need to get a job

I think you have to ensure they have the means to keep it tidy. I've just bought one of those Expedit units from Ikea in an attempt to help DS2 (he has the slightly-bigger-than-a-box room). Having said that, DS1 seems incapable of keeping his huuuuge room tidy despite the Trofast storage in it.

It's the laundry that p*sses me off - I moved the basket right outside their doors inorder to make it easy for them to at least get dirty clothes off the floor. [sigh]

your kids rooms look positively tidy in comparison to mine.

I have to do it myself. My dd is incapable of being tidy, no matter how much I nag.

Make it a condition of their pocket money that their rooms get tidied on a Wednesday and a Sunday.

I bribe/force mine to tidy their rooms. They are very messy children by nature, all 3 of them. But on Sat mornings I insist, and they only get pocket money if they do it. And if they don't do it, no TV until it's done. They whinge but it does work.

I'm not sure that 8yos are too old for dolls. My 8yo dd1 never played with dolls when younger but lately has started playing with dolls and dolls house, very unusually for her.

My dc's room looks like that. When I was tidying up in there this morning i found a soggy bar of soap inside a sock. A pack of cards ruined becuase she had pritt sticked them together. Belts all knotted together and tied in granny knots ot bits of furniture. It would make you weep!

Oh yes the bloody laundry. Every night I say 'can you put your dirty things in the wash please', and in reply I get 'yeah ok'.

Do they do it ? do they buggary.

Custy, I am actually guilty already of telling dd1 to get a job. It was in response to her asking me if she could have £1.50 a day to spend at the baguette shop, instead of taking a packed lunch.

She is 10 fgs.

I have tried banning things, confiscating things, begging, bribing etc etc. Decorating their rooms (did dd1's, am currently refusing to do dd2's).

I do try and make sure they have storage for their stuff. I even brought dd1 the particular desk she has, because it had all the little places for all of her things like tv, ps2 etc etc.

I make my two tidy their room properly once a week. This takes ds (8) ages because he always makes such a mess; it tends to take dd(9) about 10 mins. They have to do it at some time over the weekend and within reason its their choice when they do it within this time. If they do it properly they get 50p towards their pocket-money that week.

In between i tend to just shut the door as ds is quite capable of wrecking his room within hours of having spent ages tidying it and i just can't be bothered with the stress.

Sometimes I tidy up for the boys and sometimes they do it by themselves or with my help. I tend to think that the big sort-outs are beyond their abilities, but that's probably wrong.

We do link pocket money to bedrooms being in a reasonable state. Sometimes my dh will have a bit of a melt-down about bedrooms and tidiness, and things get a bit better for a while.

I have now said that it's their responsibility to put dirty clothes to the wash, though I will sometimes retrieve dirty clothing from floors but will charge 20p for each item I pick up. If someone's favourite jeans are dirty because they didn't make it into the wash, that's just tough. I have also made pointed comments about how a room full of dirty clothes will pong.

I wish there was an easy answer to this one. I suspect that most children aren't terribly tidy, and the amount of stuff that they have nowadays doesn't help - though I remember my room (back in the stone ages) being a total mess - my mum didn't dust in there, she just blew gently at the piles of crap valued possessions, for fear that the piles would tumble if touched. Eventually I did learn that tidiness was nicer, though I'm no saint in that area even now - as you'd realise if you could see through the pc screen to the state of my desk!

Funny you should say this, I have just been and tidied dds room (all morning might I add!) and come out with three bin bags of rubbish, dd is nearly 6 and in my opinion old enough to at least start trying to tidy up!

Shut the door. Their rooms - they can have them any way they want them. BUT don't wash anything that the 8 or the 10 don't put in their washing baskets, and don't replace anything that gets broken because they stand on it.

And insist on reasonable tidiness in all shared rooms.

Liffey, that made me laugh as it sounds exactly like dd1's room.

They don't currently get pocket money as I don't always have it to give.

Dd1 is supposed to be staying at a friends on Friday night and I have told her that she cannot go unless her room is tidy. So, she will tidy it tonight, and then by Sat evening it will be a mess again.

Fennel, Dd2 is nearly 9, and doesn't really play with the dolls, but won't chuck them either.
I think she needs to at least have a sort out and get rid of a few of them, which I am happy to help her with.

If I were to give them pocket money on the condition of their rooms then how much each do you think I should give ?

Thankfully they all have their own rooms.

I try to have a grand clear out with my dc each Christmas, Easter and Summer holiday. We go up armed with black bags and then chuck anything that is broken (as well as all those pointless bits and bobs that accumulate. Then we charity bag all the outgrown clothes and toys.

Then it is far easier for them to keep the room clean. If it was left up to them than nothing would get really tidied or sorted out and they (and you!) are always going to be fighting a losing battle at tidy-up time

I don't think they look that bad for children that age.

But it is your house so presumably you want the carpets vacuumed from time to time.

My DCs are only 5 and 3 so I make them tidy up once a week so that I can vacuum. (I help the youngest) and the rest of the time make sure there is a path to the bed so I don't end up standing on a bit of lego in bare feet should one of them need me in the night.

I don't really do dusting.

Agree with Seeker. It is their space.

I have the same.

DS1 is 7 and has a big room. Every once in a while I do a major tidy and last time I actually threw some things out. He tries when I nag but otherwise not.

DS2 is only 3 and doesn't make a mess in his room so I mostly do it.

DD is 5 and also has a small room and hers has gradually being getting messier. Her tidying is to shove things under the beds/on the shelfs and rarely puts game things back in the boxes. I can't bear books not put right so I sort them usually.

Is there a secret to finding a happy medium ?

There are two:

1. a door, shut
2. a bottle of wine, open

The only reason my room was not such a S&%+hole when I was dd's age (15) is because i didn't have anything like as much stuff.

They have a laundry basket each, and clothes in the basket get washed. clothes elsewhere get trodden on. If requested they have to do a 'hygiene sweep' - dirty plates + full bins dealt with.

But if they have no clean tights/step on their new mascara/catch eboli virus from the unidentifiable goo on the dressing table, then that's their hard luck.

Had a quick look at pics, first thing that sprang to mind is that there's not a lot of storage in which to 'hide' things away'. We had that problem and invested in an Ikea cube storage thing which we then bought baskets to fit. An alternative would be to buy baskets to fit the shelves if you don't have space for a unit.

It has honestly made a world of difference. Even if they've put everything away in the wrong places, as long as the baskets are in the unit, the floor is clear and the room 'looks' tidy. Even better, if they do manage to put things in the right baskets (and they are getting better at this) they can always find what they are looking for and things tend not to get lost or broken in the first place.

The original deal was one basket out at a time, but it took all of 5 mins for that to go by the by! So now the deal is that they both have to tidy the room together before bedtime and the floor has to be clear.

Mine are a bit younger (6 and 4) and share a room, so its always 'his mess' 'not mine'. But I refuse to get dragged into these arguments and stick by the rule that they both have to make sure its tidy at the end of the day.

One of the most useful things I've done is to give them one basket for things that they are unsure where to put. That gets round the old 'but I don't know where it goes' rouse. They also use it for all the silly little bits and bobs that kids love and are desperate not to lose but have no real home, like party bag junk and the toys off the front of comics.

They have both told me they are happier with their room now as they have more room to play.

I don't think parents should tidy kids rooms for them tbh. They need to learn how to treat their belongings with respect and its all part and parcel of learning the skills they'll need when they are older.

I tend to go in and have a quick sort out of the baskets and tidy about once a month, but am able to clean and vacuum while they are at school because the floor is clear from the night before.

these are the units we bought.