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Original poster

Do you ever let your children out of your sight? (follow on thread from the Under what circumstances...)

59 replies

thesleepingbeauty · 30/09/2008 21:14

Sorry, but I think it was getting a bit confusing.
The original post (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/617524) generated a lot of discussion, but what I found most interesting was the idea that some parents do not let their children out of their sight at all, even around the house.

Mine is often playing in his room or living room (or bathroom!) while I am cooking / cleaning/ on the loo etc which means there are times, often minutes, in which I cannot see him, and in which, technically, anything could happen.

Is this neglectful? I thought it was normal.

OP posts:

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GobbledigookisThrifty · 30/09/2008 21:44

They are almost always out of sight in the house!

Out of the house - no, never out of my sight unless in a class or at school.

IdrisTheDragon · 30/09/2008 21:44

I do my best to encourage DS (4.10) and DD (3) to be as independent as possible .

Seuss · 30/09/2008 21:45

Ds1 wouldn't let me out of his sight until he was about 3 but the other two sort of pottered around while I kept an eye/ear out for them. I find hairwashing and showering sometimes takes a judgement call, if they are fighting or such-like I would be reluctant to be out of sight/ear-shot too long and when they were younger I used to take them upstairs with me but they'd play in their rooms.

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SharkyandGeorge · 30/09/2008 21:46

I don't watch them all the time around the house, sometimes I leave them playing when I hang the washing out or make lunch. But this is only round the house and I check on them every few minutes and can always hear what is going on.

Plonker · 30/09/2008 21:49

Referring to the posts you have just quoted sleeping beauty, I don't think that there is anything wrong with what the posters have said.

They are talking about young children who, to be fair, can't be safely out of sight for any length of time. I assumed you were talking about slightly older children ...

But as i said, admittedly i do fall into the 'over-protective' camp

unaccomplishedfattylegalmummy · 30/09/2008 21:56

Well i don't let them out of my sight when we're out but when we're home then of course. Although they're usually not far they don't really play in their room as it's at the top of the house (3 storey) so I wouldn't hear them if they were killing each other. All their toys are downstairs anyway. I let them play in the garden if I'm pottering about doing housework I usually look out a window every few minutes to check on them.

They're 5 and 2 btw.

hifi · 30/09/2008 21:59

we are on 3 floors, dd roams where ever she wants,i shout every 10mins and check every 15 ish. there have been and can not be anything untoward happen to her, touch wood. window locks, door locks and stair gates, by direction of the SS.most have now been removed, she is sensible.
she has fell downstairs numerous times, mostly from carrying loads of stuff. i turn her the right way round and shes off again.

HRHSaintMamazon · 30/09/2008 22:01

whilst your inside your own home and you know whereaboust they are the risks of anything happenuing are minimalised.
you are also on scene to deal with anything IMMEDIATLY.

if you were round the corner or next door then there would be a delay in your getting to them should anything happen.

tortoiseshell · 30/09/2008 22:02

I do all the time. Even the 2 year old has a voice and can yell 'Mu-um' if he needs me. Think it would be horribly claustrophobic for me and for them tbh.

On Sunday I left ds1 (7) sitting in his seat at the circus during the interval while I took dd to the toilet and to buy an ice cream. Unfortunately he decided to go and look for me which gave me a certain amount of palpitations when I found the seat empty. But I found him outside on the field, by the toilets. No harm done, and he has learnt a good lesson about i) not wandering off and ii) he WON'T be abandoned!

hifi · 30/09/2008 22:03

agree hrm.

pinata · 30/09/2008 22:11

i don't think i could get anything done WITHOUT letting dd out of my sight - she is nearly 10 months. go in the kitchen while she's in the living room, i pop upstairs to the loo...

living room is fairly baby proof so i don;t think it's a problem for a minute or 2, especially if she's busy doing something

i also leave her in her highchair after lunch sometimes so i can hang the washing out, which takes about 10 minutes. would obviously not leave her crawling about for this length of time on her own

i think watching her at all times would be completely impossible, and actually it's safer for her in the living room than the kitchen

MrsMertle · 30/09/2008 22:29

can I just clarify that in the orginal thread sleeping beauty is talking about leaving her 18 month old baby alone in the house while her husband goes to pick her up after a night out.

that is a lot different than your children being in a different room from you

FanjolinaJolly · 30/09/2008 22:37

Oh,that is a bit different,then.I really wouldn't leave the dcs alone in the house by themselves.

Elkat · 30/09/2008 23:01

Yes. I do. I believe in children having freedom and independence (so long as they know the rules). My eldest DD (almost 5) I now let her walk to her childminder's house alone. It is four houses away, but on the next road (we live second house into the road, and she lives second house before the bend). I will send her on errands, just to try and give her some independence... that said, we have been working on the green cross code for a long time, and she knows all about road safety etc (she even tells me off!). Also, if we go into a large store (like a mothercare world) I let her run off to the ELC section whilst I browse because I know she knows the rule that she is not to leave the shop without me. I am confident that she is inherently a sensible child (and I appreciate that not all children are), so I am able to give her that little bit more freedom, and she flies with it.

My DD2 is almost 2. She needs a bit more supervision, but as the house is baby-proofed, I am happy to leave her in the playroom whilst I am upstairs or whatever. She knows to come to me if there is a problem.

I think at the end of the day, it is all about values. Personally, I am a very independent person, and so I value independence ... and want to give my children that. Therefore, I probably take risks that other mums find uncomfortable. I know I do in RL... for example, I let my DD1 run further on ahead than many of my friends do... because I want to trust her judgement, not saying I'm right and they're wrong, just we have different values. We all need to do what we're comfortable with, because everyone views it all differently!

FILLYJONKhasayarnshopASBO · 01/10/2008 08:17

oh god yes. I even let them out of my sight when we are not even in the house, in a safe environment.

I really think it is better that they learn to take care of themselves, are confident dealing with adults who aren't their parents, etc, gradually and at a young age. This way, if for any reason they DO find themselves alone temporarily, they should be ok. I am very confident that if they got lost in a store they would have the wherewithal to go and ask someone on the tills, and no one else.

I would, for example, let ds go to the loo alone in our local coffee shop (where he knows pretty much everyone), he quite often goes and buys things for himself even if it means being out of sight for a moment, etc.

Ds is 5 and dd2 is 3 and they are confident and assertive (where necessary!) with strangers. They also both have an excellent spatial sense, and basically don't get lost. I have no idea if this is because of their early neglect training but it does make it possible to give them some independence.

There are serious risks associated with not allowing children to develop independence, imo.

Bubbaluv · 01/10/2008 08:37

My 1yo scampers about all over the place by himself. The house pretty well baby proofed by now and he shouts if he needs/wants me.
He loves wondering around the garden chattering to himself and laughing at insects, pointing at birds etc but if I'm right there with him his focus is on me.
I have a friend who has never let her boys out of her/the nanny's sight and persoanlly I feel they have very poor problem solving skills and are overly reliant on her to reassure them all the time.
Where is my DS btw??

SaintRiven · 01/10/2008 08:46

what ages we talking here? From 6 mine played out the front, from 8 walked to the shops. From 11 went camping with friends and also caught buses places.

Ripeberry · 01/10/2008 08:50

My DD1 and DD2 have the run of the house and the garden. I need to get on with things and they entertain themselves.
It's when they go QUIET that you have to worry .
DD1 will go out around the estate with her friend and his sisters (DD1 is 6yrs old, friend 7yrs old) and all the kids look out for each other.
But i won't let DD2 (aged 3yrs) out with them as she has a habit of just marching off by herself.
And to think at the age of 7yrs i used to be out in the woods by myself sometimes ALL day in the 1970's.
If kids over 3yrs old can't have freedom in their own house and garden then it's very sad.

Morloth · 01/10/2008 11:25

DS is 4 and has free run of the house/tiny garden. I make sure the front door and side gate are locked so he can't get out.

Don't like for him to be out of my sight when we are out and about though, but he is pretty good at sticking close in any case.

VAAAAST difference between kids pottering around their home with an adult around and leaving a baby asleep in a cot in the middle of the night - not even comparable situations IMO.

Ripeberry is right, when it goes quite around here I know something is up, that means he is concentrating.

McDreamy · 01/10/2008 11:27

Around the house and garden yes, out and about no!

No1 rule here - Stay where we can see each other - if you can't see me I can't see you!! DD is 5 and is generally very good but we've had our moments.

jeee · 01/10/2008 11:29

I left a 3 year old, and nearly 2 year old to their own devices (yes I was in the house), and found they'd put a stool on the loo, a box on the stool, opened a cupboard, got out bathroom cleaner and 3 year old told nearly 2 year old to drink it. I still let my DC run amok too.

ConnorTraceptive · 01/10/2008 11:36

I leave ds1 (3) and DS2 (7months) alone together in the sitting room quite often, but only for a few minutes at a time. I left them whilst I hung out the washing this morning.

I will leave DS1 to his own devices whilst I feed and put ds2 to sleep and that can be up to 30 minutes.

I leave ds2 on his bedroom floor with toys whilst I have a shower.

DS1 is allowed to play in the garden but I keep doors and windows open so I can hear him and I check on him every five minutes.

I guess it depends on your children I suppose

Twelvelegs · 01/10/2008 13:02

Connor, you've not found ds1 picking up, feeding or pushing DS2 over then? My my you are lucky!!

wasabipeanut · 01/10/2008 13:13

I didn't take part in the original thread which is probably just as well.

Obviously people need to parent as they see fit but personally my aim is to encourage my ds to be independent. Much as I'd love to hold him to me 24 hours a day it wouldn't be great for him and he is such a stubborn independent little thing. So yes, I will let him potter with his little wheelbarrow and spade in fully fenced garden while I wash up. I can see him most of the time but not every second.

I also leave him in the living room (as child proofed as it can be)if I need to go upstairs for a minute. There is a theoretical risk he'll climb the sofa and fall off but its not like thats anything new.

I get quite cross with this idea that you are somehow lacking if your kid isn't stapled to you 24 x 7.

Twelvelegs · 01/10/2008 13:23

I don't think anyone is saying you need to, literally, watch your child every second. I think it's a little more balanced and many feel as long as you can hear them or see them at a young age then that's okay.
I doubt toddlers unaccompanied in the garden have Mummy or Daddy playing loud music at the front of the house oblivious to all activity.

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