Do you ever let your children out of your sight? (follow on thread from the Under what circumstances...)

[thesleepingbeauty]

Sorry, but I think it was getting a bit confusing.
The original post (www.mumsnet.com/Talk/67/617524) generated a lot of discussion, but what I found most interesting was the idea that some parents do not let their children out of their sight at all, even around the house.

Mine is often playing in his room or living room (or bathroom!) while I am cooking / cleaning/ on the loo etc which means there are times, often minutes, in which I cannot see him, and in which, technically, anything could happen.

Is this neglectful? I thought it was normal.

[annoyingdevil]

I will leave my 2.2 and 3.6 year old for short periods eg in front of Cbeebies whilst I do housework upstairs drink my coffee in bed. They soon scream if they need me.

I also allow them to play alone in the garden (with me glancing out every so often)

[n5rje]

I didn't see the original thread but this is a subject I've thought a lot about as amongst my friends I seem to allow my DSs a huge amount of freedom.

I don't know if this is because I was brought up in a time when children were "safe" to do more (born in the mid 60s) and so want my children to have the same childhood as I had but I am happy for my older three school age DSs (all under 10) to play pretty much as freely as they wish.
Yes I am lucky that we live in a v quiet area and there are lots of similar age children to play with but its not unusual for me not to see them for hours at the weekend and I certainly don't check up on them if they are in a different room on the house.
I am consistently told that my children are very independent and I'm not always sure that this meant in a positive way but I don't think its good for our future society for us not to allow our children to learn from their mistakes and make their own decisions.
Terrible things have always happened to children and always will do and I think often the fear of danger well outweighs the actual risk.
We won't all be able to let our children run free but I think they would all benefit from time away from us and alone with their peers.

[PrettyCandles]

I encourage my LOs to get on with stuff out of my sight - but within safe boundaries, say at home or in the garden, or at friends' houses. I periodically check up on the youngest, but that's because he's a walking disaster zone, the sort that you know is up to no good when he's quiet! He's 23m, so that's to be expected.

In the last 6m I've started sending my just-turned-8yo out on errands to other houses in the close, and letting him and 5yo dd stay at the playground when I've gone home with the baby. They then come home together a little later. Once I'm happy that ds1 can cross roads safely alone, I'll be encouraging him to walk to dd's school from his at collection time, rather than wait for me to pick him up after I've picked her up.

It's important to ease the children into independance. If you never allow them the opportunity to take a degree of risk, how will they understand the need to keep safe or be able to judge whether to take a risk?

[SoupDragon]

BabyDragon is often asleep in her room whilst I'm 200 ft away at the end of the garden. I can see her window but that's not much use unless she's climbing out of it really.

[Bramshott]

I am aware that I let DD2 (18 months) out of my sight in the house a lot more than I did with DD1 at a similar age.

I am often amazed by people who maintain that they can't have a shower with the kids in the house unless their DH is there to mind them. I have always just got in the shower and both kids potter about upstairs (we have a stair gate) while I am doing it.

[Tolalola]

Ooh this seems a bit strange to me, but maybe it's different living in the tropics...DS is 9 months and I very often leave him to play in the living room with gates across the doorways while I get on with other stuff in the bathroom, study, kitchen, laundry room etc. I will go out into the garden if I need to without a second thought. The doors are always open and our house is small so I could hear him if he yelled.

If I want a shower I have one - I leave the door open so he can come and visit if he feels like it - he sometimes just climbs in and sits on the floor getting soaked...

[cory]

You'd go mad if you couldn't!

I wouldn't leave the house with a sleeping child in it and go for a drive (which was being discussed on one recent thread), but then I wouldn't do that with an older child either if they were asleep. I think it's an important issue of trust not to sneak away and not tell them. But that is a totally different question to needing to see them all the time.

[Bramshott]

Yes I think you're right Cory - with an older child certainly it is better to leave them while they're awake than asleep. I would leave DD1 (5.5) while I go to the postbox (which is in our road) with strict injunctions not to answer the phone or the door while I am gone. I would not leave her asleep though if DH were out - even to do the same trip. DD2 on the other hand, I probably would leave to go to the post box if she were asleep (2 mins max, I can see the house the whole time) as she's still in her cot.

[Dotsie]

giving (slightly older) kids responsibilities is so important. if i want something from the local shop, either i'll leave dd (10) and ds1 (9), and go myself, or send one of them. it's no big deal. when the post office was there too (closed recently, grrr) they'd post parcels or me too. they loved sending parcels to usa etc!
i have left them to take/fetch their dad to/from work in the past (gone maybe 15 mins), and as they are both quite sensible, i have no problem with this. however, i always take my mobile, they know how to ring me on speed-dial, i lock the door, but leave a key in it. the biggest likely hood is that i return to find the kitchen covered in cereal where they've been arguing over it. other than that, it's fine.
we live in a "what if..." society these days, and it can be taken too far. I certainly don't supervise them 24/7!
ds2 is a little different as he's only 8 1/2 months, but i'll leave him alone in the living room while i wash up etc. it's not a huge house, and now he can crawl, he usually comes to find me anyway!
(I wouldn't leave ds2 with dd and/or ds1 unless i'm around somewhere nearby btw)