When play dates go bad - what would you do?

[queribus]

To cut a long story short, my DD (3yo) went to a play date today with a friend from nursery at their house. They were playing upstairs and it all went quiet, so friend's mum went to check. It seems that the girls had found a paint set (supposed to be a present for friend's DD's cousin), opened it and got themselves covered in paint. It was all over both girls and on the carpet. After washing them both, the bathroom was also covered in paint - mostly black paint.

I told my DD off, they both got changed and went off to play some more. Having got home, the paint is proving hard to get out of clothes and I guess will also be difficult to get out of the carpet! It's made worse that the black paint was in the middle of the bedroom carpet and the friend is trying to sell the house at the moment. I did apologise for DD's behviour and said that she should let me know if the paint doesn't come out of the carpet so I can contribute to professional cleaning or replacement.

Is this reasonable? Should I offer anything else?
Thanks!

I might offer something out of guilt but tbh if I were her I would be mortified that a visiting child was covered in paint that my DD had got out and I had not put in a safe place. As it is, since she has said she will ask for something I would be less inclined to offer but that is just me - stroppy.

I certainly wouldn't be offering to replace the carpet although at a push I might go halves on the professional cleaning.

tbh I think it's a nice gesture, but you shouldn't need to contribute anything

really, if they were under the other mum's supervision it's down to her to sort out her carpet.

nice you thought of them, but don't offer to help get it clean. I would be v apologetic and see if there was anything |I could do, but I wouldn't be offering cash.

Might hand ofver a bottle of wine to calm their nerves....

If she didn't supervise two 3 year olds, then any damage done is entirely her problem! She ought to be apologising to you and offering to replace your dd's clothes. (Which you should politely decline)

Agree - not your responsibility at all to pay for the carpet. Sure she'd appreciate the wine though!

Agree with the others. What you have done is more than enough. If it was in my house, I would regard it as entirely my fault that I had left paints where they could get them and would be morified that your dd was covered in paint.

Oh sorry - misread. I thought she would let you know about replacement or cleaning not that you asked her to let you know.

I still think an apology would do.

How did your friend make you feel? Was she apologetic or did she try and make you feel bad about it?

Well presumably as you were both there both of you should have been supervising not just her!

ditto Niecie
definitely reasonable and no you shouldn't offer anything else. It was her house, her responsibility to ensure that things like this should have been out of reach of two 3 year olds.

I think it is kind of her problem too, it's not as though you sent your dd round with a can of paint.

If this has happened at my house, I would be so embarrased, and yes would offer to replace your dd's clothes or at least give you some cash towards them. I wouldn't feel that you owed me anything.

I'm with AMumInScotland - at the age of three i wouldn't be further than the next room. certainly wouldn't let them disappear upstairs and out of sight/earshot.

it should all be covered under the home insurance...

you should be ppleased it wasnt poo.... my excharges best friend did that with a play date when they were both 3

kids were upstairs playing while mummy and mummys friend (NOT ME) had a cup of tea.... the had both done a poo on the (cream) carpet on purpose and had rubbed it in and all up the walls and everything

they were effectively poo painting

they had made it intoo the second room before they were discovered

Normally I'd say it was your responsibility to supervise your child if you were actually there. But if she hadn't told you that she had left paint where it would be accessible to a 3yo, then you couldn't possibly be expected to know. If she didn't display signs of concern at the two of them disappearing out of sight, then I think you were reasonably entitled to believe that the house was safe.

Thanks for the replies!

Valuable lesson - never let 3 year olds out of sight!

In my defence, it's a very small house, so I could sit on the sofa and see upstairs from where I was, although obviously not actually into the bedroom (door was open).

Host definitely didn't ask for contribution, but I did feel really bad, particularly as it's black paint. Also, she has a 2 week old baby, so has enough on her plate without permanent stains on the carpet!

I suppose these things happen when 3 year olds and paint are left unsupervised ... ... it won't happen again!!

she left the paint in a place that the children could get hold of it, a bit silly on her part really. I think you have offered what you could.

If it makes you feel any better, my DSs (2 & 4 ) were round at a friends house playing and they all went upstairs, I was downstairs with the mother having a drink, thought i'd best go and check everything was ok, even though it wasn't my house.
Went into her DS's bedroom, to find she'd left a window wide open next to bunk beds, which my 2 year old was in the process of climbing out of .
I don't tend to leave 2nd storey windows open with small children in the house personlly, especially next to the kids bunk beds!!!!!
Can you imagine???? fortunately I grabbed him as he was disappearing underneath the curtain...

thats true re house insurance, she may get a brand new carpet out of it

Awww, I think you are a lovely friend for offering to contribute!

My friends DS knocked over and smashed my anniversary present from my DH. It was a total accident, she was mortified, infact I think she felt worse than I did. She offered to replace it but I declined so she bought me huge bouquet of lilles instead which I thought was lovely.