Why are so many parents overly concerned about how others bring up thier children?

[Hulababy]

Not read most of the threads going today on related topics, but seen them arising and tons of times before. Not just here - on other parenting sites and in RL too.

Why are some people so concerned over what other mums and dad's do, in terms of parenting?

Why does it matter if another mum

• wants a natural birth or a cs?
• wants to breast feed or bottle feed, or both?
• wants to co sleep or not?
• wants to wean at 4 months or 6 months?
• wants to use jars of food or make their own?
• lets their child have the odd fast food or only ever has freshly prepared organic stuff?
• follows a strict routine or lets baby lead everything?
• AND any everything in between?

ETC ETC ETC

I know that I am iunterested in people's parenting decisions and their reasons behind it - but that's all. Just interested.

I don't feel it is my right to criticise anyone else (unless causing actual harm.injury obviosuly)?

Just because one way of doing something is right or wrong for me and my circu,stances, it doesn't mean it is right or wrong for someone else - surely?

I just find the perpetual bickering and criticisms between parents so...hmmm.....odd I guess. We pretty mcuch all want the same goal - happy, healthy children. Why does it matter if we all get there in different ways?

Okay, rant over!

hatsoff, I don't know bitchy mums either, but I'm very new to mummying - I think it's the luck of the draw as to when you have your baby too - who are the other women who are new mums at the same time as you. I'm just lucky that the ones I've met have been really nice.

I'm with hatsoff - I've never had anyone I didn't know criticise my parenting skills and I certainly wouldn't shove my oar in (unless a child was being injured or something). I've found that there seems to be an "unwritten law" among mums that you don't make judgements - or certainly not to their face!

I'm very laidback in my mothering. DS seems to like me, so I figure I'm doing OK

I don't think anyone ever does Soapbox! Just like we don't in any other area of life.

Surely part of the problem is that what looks like a harmless statement of opinion can feed into other people's issues about their own parenting decisions.

For example, my kids watch very little TV, largely because if I let them watch it one evening a week, they immediately start whining for it every night, which pisses me off. Because I always say 'no', they don't bother asking, and pootle off to find other things to do. This suits me, and doesn't appear to be doing them any harm. But when the subject comes up in conversation with other parents (and I tend to avoid it as much as poss.) it makes them instantly defensive about their own kids' TV watching habits. This in turn makes me want to shout I do not care how much TV your kids watch, I'm just making the parenting decision that suits my own family, OKAY? I've had the same kind of reaction when I've fed a baby organic jars (= implied criticism of people who don't feed organic) or when I've let the baby eat biscuits or wotsits (= implied criticism of people being precious about their baby's food intake).

In bfeeding and childbirth debates this sensitivity is generally much worse, with even the most neutral comment potentially being taken as criticism, simply because they are such emotionally-charged subjects, and many people still have unresolved issues around their own experiences.

In the end, we all do the best we can with the situations in which we find ourselves. But there are still questions that can and should be asked on a wider sociological level about why UK breastfeeding rates are lower than they could be, or how to get the best balance between encouraging natural childbirth and safeguarding the health of the baby. Taking legitimate inquiries and discussion as personal criticism is not in the end going to help us move on from the current situation.

Great post Frogs. Says it all.

What I didn't say and what is actually very important, is that all this freedom to make your own choice thing is all good and well, provided it is an informed choice. Part of the problem with parenting issues is that the information and support to make the right informed choice just isn;t there.

Thats what we really must address, rather than badgering those who have made a difference choice based on full knowledge and information!

Oops meant to say ...with some parenting issues...

there's a difference though in a thread that's asking for an open debate on an issue and one that is asking 'why' you do a certain things.

There's also a difference in a thread that asks for advice, then slates people for offering advice that doesn't fit with what they wanted to hear

but HM - if someone asks for advice it doesn't mean they have to take it - they may listen to it and decide its not an option for them - thats fair isn't it?

Yes, totally fair enough - but to then have a go at the people who offered the advice they don't follow isn't on - I am thinking of the weaning thread here, to which I didn't contribute because I knew I'd get shat on if I did

I'd never have guessed

I thought I was being all cagey and mysterious too - obviously enigmatic's not my strong point

must have been a few more lurkers I'll be bound - with their jaws dropping

oh i just whinged about my HV not following WHO advice on that thread - I think that's fair game

Message withdrawn

More than fair game MTS

don't start again you two!

you mentioned that thread first

Maybe I'll go and revive that thread Do you dare me? Double dare me?

no, no, let it die a death! there's been enough tetchiness on here lately!

I know, I will. MN needs to have some warm fuzzies not prickly hackles (until the next time!).

I didn't make any reference to the thread name at all. That was HM!

its not my fault if she blew my cover