Why are so many parents overly concerned about how others bring up thier children?

[Hulababy]

Not read most of the threads going today on related topics, but seen them arising and tons of times before. Not just here - on other parenting sites and in RL too.

Why are some people so concerned over what other mums and dad's do, in terms of parenting?

Why does it matter if another mum

• wants a natural birth or a cs?
• wants to breast feed or bottle feed, or both?
• wants to co sleep or not?
• wants to wean at 4 months or 6 months?
• wants to use jars of food or make their own?
• lets their child have the odd fast food or only ever has freshly prepared organic stuff?
• follows a strict routine or lets baby lead everything?
• AND any everything in between?

ETC ETC ETC

I know that I am iunterested in people's parenting decisions and their reasons behind it - but that's all. Just interested.

I don't feel it is my right to criticise anyone else (unless causing actual harm.injury obviosuly)?

Just because one way of doing something is right or wrong for me and my circu,stances, it doesn't mean it is right or wrong for someone else - surely?

I just find the perpetual bickering and criticisms between parents so...hmmm.....odd I guess. We pretty mcuch all want the same goal - happy, healthy children. Why does it matter if we all get there in different ways?

Okay, rant over!

the post about bottle feeding in hospitals was not initially about breast vs bottle but about the % of mothers using formula against the % of breast feeding mums at the hospital i was at.

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Yeah - far too much oneupmanship in parenting. I can't be too bothered with it myself - no time.

I certainly knew breast was best (after all it's designed for the baby) but struggled and eventually used formula which as far as I was concerned was a perfectly good alternative. Not my choice but it did the job of feeding my baby when I no longer could. So many people around me commented though - it was actually quite shocking.

Just two of the other criticisms I've had

"Buying clothes in Primark is a waste of time - they won't last". (Well - how long do I want them to last seeing as DS is growing rapidly and out of them within weeks).

"Gosh - you don't send your child to that nursery do you"? (Said with a sneer by a colleague who is educating all her kids privately - and constantly banging on about Common Entrance).

It's not a race or a competition to see whose child can breastfeed longest, who can spend the most money on the first birthday party, who buys the most expensive clothes. None of these things matter a jot if the child is well loved and knows it.

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what is common entrance?

Hulababy you posted what I totally think.
We should all concentrate on raising our own children to how we believe is the best for us in our lifestyle and circumstances.
Why do we bother in worrying/pointing fingers at what others do.
What does it achieve other than bad feeling?

I agree that just because you might think something is best, that doesn't imply a criticism of someone who has made a different choice.

It wouldn't be a very effective parenting web site if no-one gave their opinions, either.

And I agree some parenting choices are purely personal and no-one else's business and some affect the wider society.

Well said Amanda. By the way, I have several things for Primark and they've lasted ages. I've had people comment on how lovely they are. If they only knew tee hee!

But I do think there is a difference between giving an opinion and giving a criticism.

Quite right oops (and dinosaur, zebra, scummy et al). So often on here threads only get heated because people take them as a personal attack. I think it would be absolutely ridiculous people posting on a parenting website couldn't discuss "natural" birth for fear of offending people who've had sections, breastfeeding for fear of offending bottlefeeders, SAHMhood for fear of offending people who use nurseries..... etc etc etc. What would we discuss?

The breastfeeding/formula and c section/v birth threads are fairly predictable in their course. They usually build to a crescendo, go bang and then fizzle out. Now and again, the debate remains reasonable, but when people are discussing how they birthed/fed/brought up their precious children, fireworks are likely. I don't see why people are so surprised when the fireworks go off - it's fairly inevitable.

Common Entrance is some exam kids take when going to a public school. No chance mine will be doing so.

Hear, hear! to the title. Exactly, what does it matter what other parents do?

Amanda, I have to look up oneupmanship in the dictionary now

I think some of these can be sensitive areas and people can feel defensive when they really are not under attack.

I also disagree Hulababy. This is a website where we all give our opinions - for example, my opinion is that smacking your children is totally wrong - does that mean I can't say that on a smacking thread? Because if I do it may look as though I am trying to get the 'moral highground'?

What I object to are threads that pertain to ask an opinion but actually just want to hear supportive comments. Then if you state your opinion you are seen as overly critical .

This site is here for all opinions. That is why it is so invaluable.

Personally, I'd rather read a heated but mainly intelligent debate on,say, natural v c-section, than a pathetic, so-called 'light hearted' thread where some lonely bloke virtually chats up a lonely woman.

Agree with Enid. Some threads are clearly started by people looking for support. Absolutely right, that is a big reason that MN is here. Other views are then given and people can feel they are being criticised, when that was not the intention.

One person's "other opinion" is all to easily someone else's "attack". Shame, but there it is.

with the breat v's bottle debate though there are good examples of acceptance of anothers choice and some not.

forinstance me saying - i didn't want to. some people were well the choice is yours...some people were...OMG tell the united nations the nspcc - her children were deprived i tell theeeee devrived. - or rather were " i dont know how you wouldnt want to experience this wonderful experience"
thats becuase i didnt want to
" i cant undestand some mothers who wouldnt want to"
well i appreciate your right to chose
but it kept on
now i have explained i am a nutbucket ( not that many ever doubted) and i regret having to explain it - i wish i hadnt bothered pandering to the sanctimonious who just wouldnt accept that i had a choice.

Why do you come on here if you don't care what other parents and kids do, though Branster? Don't get me wrong- I'm very glad you do use this site but I don't really get it. I only have a strong opinion on one of the things that hula mentions (very strict routines for tiny babies- have discussed it ad infinitem, alienating quite a few folks in the process, mostly some time back now) but many other topics have me gagging to contribute. Basically I come on mumsnet because I really love hearing about how other people do this parenting thang. I think being judgemental can be counter-productive when people are having a traumatic time but I often are DO think there are good and less good ways of approaching certain situations. I don't think it's critical of people who espouse the opposite view to me to say so.

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oops! Thread has moved on and now it looks like I'm picking on Branster. Doh.

Hello fab nutbucket by the name of custardo. I must email you soon.

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