Why are so many parents overly concerned about how others bring up thier children?

[Hulababy]

Not read most of the threads going today on related topics, but seen them arising and tons of times before. Not just here - on other parenting sites and in RL too.

Why are some people so concerned over what other mums and dad's do, in terms of parenting?

Why does it matter if another mum

• wants a natural birth or a cs?
• wants to breast feed or bottle feed, or both?
• wants to co sleep or not?
• wants to wean at 4 months or 6 months?
• wants to use jars of food or make their own?
• lets their child have the odd fast food or only ever has freshly prepared organic stuff?
• follows a strict routine or lets baby lead everything?
• AND any everything in between?

ETC ETC ETC

I know that I am iunterested in people's parenting decisions and their reasons behind it - but that's all. Just interested.

I don't feel it is my right to criticise anyone else (unless causing actual harm.injury obviosuly)?

Just because one way of doing something is right or wrong for me and my circu,stances, it doesn't mean it is right or wrong for someone else - surely?

I just find the perpetual bickering and criticisms between parents so...hmmm.....odd I guess. We pretty mcuch all want the same goal - happy, healthy children. Why does it matter if we all get there in different ways?

Okay, rant over!

Yes - I'm only on round seven or so - so it hasn't yet all been said for me!

Message withdrawn

I'd never even heard of Gina Ford before Mumsnet. And I didn't realise dummies were controversial. Dummy threads are always incendiary - I might go and start one he he he

Message withdrawn

To answer some who have said they disagree me - actually, I did say that I did feel it was okay to criticise deliberate harm (physical or verbal ) or injury to a child.

For example, I feel that is is fine to say that I don't think someone should hit their child, or that they should not swear at their child because IMO that does cause a chld harm.

Why can't people ignore threads that they say they "aren't interested in"??????

Some people want to discuss parenting issues here seeing as it is a parenting site. Others want to gossip about other stuff. Theres room for all of us! If the title doesn't interest you then don't click on it!! theres plenty more to read.

Personally i am very interested in other peoples views and ways of doing things. I learn things from them. Sometimes i don't agree and so enjoy a healthy debate about it. But thats what i understand the intentions of this website to be!

BTW didn't start this thread to cause people more grief and anxieties, just expressing my thoughts.

It does suprise me sometimes, in RL too, how quick some people are to criticise other people's decisions over parenting, as if there is only one (their own) way of doing things.

Fran - I think people do tend to stay out after they have been here a while. But equally there are people who don't like to sit and see other people being criticised for having a different opinion.

don't listen to me, I'm hardcore, I didn't even want the Chat topic brought in

Lol at "hardcore" Enid, know what you mean though.

hmmm I think often people criticise because they don't fully understand other's lives. I went out with ds2 and ds3 today, ds2 was measured for shoes, we went to a cafe. ds2 charmed numerous ladies and the same ladies swooned over ds3. I felt like I was on some sort of trip, certainly nowhere near reality as I'm so used to a chorus of tut tuts following me, and lots of sidelong glances and a few loud comments (eg 'there's another one edith" when i was out with my friend and her autistic dd)

But now I think maybe I should criticise more.I read a thread last week about a tv program where a mother parenting a child with ADHD was pretty rough and people were fairly loud in their criticism of her. Clearly she was doing a terrible job, but all I could think was that maybe the poor woman needed more support.

I try not to criticise others but if they cristicise my decions (eg especially on vax) then I tend to hit the roof

ha ha at hardcore enid! I argued against chat too! Agree with scummy and all the people she agreed with (there's lazy!)

No probs ScummyMummy
I do understand what you're saying.
The titles sums it up really and I agree with it (the title that is). I actually follow with great interest a lot of the parenting topics trying to work out if there is a magic answer to some problems I face as a parent or just for sheer curiosity but at the end of the day I don't care what other parents do in the sense that anyone has to make and follow their own decisions. I don't often discuss my parenting choices with many people because more often than not, someone decides to try and convince me that thier own 'method' is better or more successful. It may well be, but I do what I think it's best for my child. And I base my decisions on instinct, advice from my mum, family members or friends who work in the medical profession, my doctor, HV, books I read and the internet. Essentially though I do what i choose to do and would never discuss what others do or try and make a point to them about my approach. What do i care? If the kids are happy &healthy, the parents are pleased with it all, we're all happy. Different things work for different people. Thank God we have choices.

What is a nutbucket?

prunegirl - I think like you

The saddest thing I have seen recently was an apology rejected

Did you not fix it jools?

What happened jools?

Am I alone in not minding if people criticise my choices, and in sometimes changing my practices because of it?

For example, I used to smack my kids as a discipline method because I didn't really know very much about many of the other more positive discipline methods. After lots of smacking threads (some of which became very heated) I chased up leads and recommendations (Little Angels, Christopher Green etc.) and now try to put positive parenting methods into practice, because I think it's a better idea than smacking.

I didn't feel personally attacked when most Mumsnetters posted that they didn't agree with smacking, I read their arguments, was at first sceptical and then persuaded.

Isn't that what debate is supposed to acheive?

nah - didn't try to fix it - I want to live

Sorry Jools, posts crossed. What happened?

Thanks for your honesty Caligula that is a great example of the use of these threads.

Just because some have been here longer and seen it all before, doesn't mean that newbies want to discuss and debate these matters!

am I the only person who hasn't experienced criticism in rl (have on mn, but that's what it's for ). I often see articles in the papers where some journo goes on about all the bitchy mothers they met at playgroup. Maybe I'm weird, but I just don't hang out with people like that. I've had very few negative experiences and have found the VAST majority of parents I know (whether I know them before children or only after) very very supportive. And I doubt this has anything whatsoever to do with my arenting skills. Maybe they just bitch about me behind my back...

Don't want to open old wounds - it was just a thread I was watching.

I mean I know I'm not easily offended and some people are but you'd think these were life and death situations - the person apologising seemed very genuine to me - what do I know?

TBH having read the relevant threads I think its all about the difference between being 'a good enough mother' and a 'perfect mother'.

Some aspire to be perfect and want all their choices to be perfect. Some are just happy to be good enough. Some like to mix it up a bit - e.g. perfect choice at feeding then good enough choice for junk food.

Personally, I'm a bit of a mixture - wanted to be perfect at breastfeeding but didn't manage with DS so was incredibly dejected about the whole thing. Wanted to make the perfect choice (IMO) for vaccines. Happy to be good enough re going out to work, and allowing the occaisional bit of junk food to pass thier lips!

As far as I'm concerned the 80:20 rule just about covers my approach to parenting. I'm happy if I get it 80% of it right with 20% effort - is it really worth the extra 80% effort to get from good enough to perfect????

Answer for me is that sometimes it is, sometimes it isn;t.

I do find all this navel gazing interesting though- I love finding out why others made the decisions they did. Only rarely do I get all judgemental about it - usually when IMHO they are not meeting my good enough criteria - usually about smacking/hitting/abusing!

Its a funny old lark this parenting game - you never ever find out if you've hit the 100% mark