How do you discipline your toddler?

[cafebistro]

My DS is just 3 years old and totally defiant. Im hoping its just a phase he's going through. Anything I ask him to do he says ,"No!" or just ignores me!
Ive tried talking calmly, getting down to his level, making sure he's heard me but it makes no difference. I then get to the point where I shout at him and that doesnt work.
How do others deal with this? I cant force him to do something he doesnt want to do can I? Also if he does refuse to do something what is an appropriate punishment for a 3 year old? I dont want to be too hard on him but I also dont want to end up with a spoilt naughty child because Ive failed to discipline properly.

I count to three. If I reach three and he hasn't stopped doing whatever it is that I don't like then he has to go and sit on the bottom step of the stairs. He HATES sitting there so it rarely gets to that. I DO NOT call it the naughty step or even worse as my friend did the 'bad boy step' . It's just a place for some time out.
On occasion when he has been in a real rage I have shut the door from the hall to the lounge and let him calm down and keep him out (!)
Generally I find the best method is just to be consistent (I did the same with my dd). Both my dc have their moments but generally they are great children and I can take them anywhere (as I speak ds is trying to smother dd with a duvet lol)

I also do the 1-2-3, works quite well even when out & about which is good.

See if you can get hold of www.amazon.co.uk/1-2-3-Magic-Effective-Discipline-Children/dp/1889140163/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books& qid=1222671355&sr=8-1. I'm forever recommending it - saw it recommended on here and it really helped iwth our 3, esp wild 4 yr old

Hi Cafe,
Here are some links that helped me. I didn't want to smack my LO and hated when I ended up shouting. So I tried quite a few of these 'gentle' techniques and they did work. I think having a set of tools like this made me feel more confident. I would try something and if that didn't work there were always another couple of approaches.
one for toddlers that won't cooperate
About gentle discipline
Lots of articles offering advice on how to deal with different situations.
article about gentle discipline/positive parenting.
I go back and read some articles when I have had a 'shouty' day or feel guilty about something I have done to the LO. It really inspires me to try again and forgive myself.

I have downloaded a couple of the suggestions on "gentle discipline" and I cant wait to try them thank you so much. i have finally found some support. I am a single mom with two boys ages 3 and 2 years old. Its such a relief to hear that some of my feelings are not just me going crazy. Thanx everyone.

My 2 year old son tends to start these irregular screaming tantrums when he does not get what he wants (sounds eerily like a car that won't start) still cannot figure how to stop it. Any suggestions?

(bookmarking this thread for future ref.)
My Ds does what your 2yo does (DS is 21.5mo) - I either distract him with something else or tell him that I am not going to listen until he stops making that awful noise and then ignore him. Distraction usually works better, I have to say. But I don't give in to whatever it was that he wanted and I said no to.