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Parenting

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Original poster

Tips on avoiding Health Visitor please - what's the point of them?

21 replies

Buckets · 22/09/2008 09:13

My 3rd baby is 7wks, my middle child has Aspergers but we are fine and she can't tell me anything I don't already know. She is irritatingly dull and leaves lots of silences and stays too long - I don't have time to entertain this nuisance!

What can I say when she phones up for next appointment? Bear in mind I'm no good at lying or being rude.

Cheers

OP posts:

SlartyBartFast · 22/09/2008 09:17

aww, i am sure you wont see her much, particularly as this is your 3rd.

get her to help with the dishes?

BabiesEverywhere · 22/09/2008 09:18

Tell her, you are very busy with three children and would she mind if you pop into the clinic when/if you need help/advice ?

Then never turn up at the clinic

SlartyBartFast · 22/09/2008 09:32

she is probably just trying to get out of doing any work, i reckon hv's love home visits, was it near the end of the day by any chance? a good opportunity for her to get home early.

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Oblomov · 22/09/2008 09:36

Round here , they only do one home visit, if they REALLY need to. She came to see me at home after my cs. Scared me and made my milk disappear. Useless. I went to PN group a few times after that, but basically avoided her.

Tell yours that you are fine and appreciate her offer to visit (can't beleive she is visiting you again, to be honest, bet you live in a lovely little town) and tell her that you will come to clinic for weighing...... soon.

Peachy · 22/09/2008 09:44

aaarggggh posted whole post but deleted!

she's worried that you might get pnd because of the as (actually a possibilty but being visted wont help that).

we had grief from ours because ds4 was a slow grower and wit the asd 2some and all. I wasnt worried- the other 3 (as in the nt one too!) gained loads at weaning. Guess what?

ds4 (5 months) now being weaned) is gaining 1 pound a fortnight.

she also thinks she is helping offering gems uch as ds4 isnt asd because of his eye contact- now, I dont think he is either bu ds3 was a refressive asd so really she's
talking crap! (along with gems such as if you dont drink milk you cant make it.... what about cows then? lol)

eriously you need to be adult. Vanishing will just worry her. Talk to her. Tell her you would like to be left alone to enjoy this time but at the first notion of a worry you will call her- offer to attend clinic monthly and she should be happy.

Twiglett · 22/09/2008 09:45

say you don't want to see her and you will call her if you have any problems

I wouldn't see an HV with my 2nd

SlartyBartFast · 22/09/2008 09:45

perahps she is allowed to visit you more because of the aspergers?

normally they are so restricted on visiting now

GentleOtter · 22/09/2008 09:47

Phone her and leave a message on the answering machine. Ask her to come round to give you advice.
Guaranteed you will never see or hear from her again.

Whoopee · 22/09/2008 10:12

I didn't like mine. She was weird. Also, she'd turn up with no warning, which is incredibly impractical for a household with a newborn baby.

The last straw was the afternoon when we were desperate to get out of the house when the baby was very young, just to get some fresh air and shake off the cabin fever, and after an hour and a half of faffing we were finally ready and DING DONG the health visitor turned up. By the time she left it was too dark to go out.

I made a phone call and said I didn't need her visits any more. She never came back. If she had done, I just wouldn't have answered the door.

dilemma456 · 22/09/2008 11:49

Message withdrawn

CookieMonster2 · 22/09/2008 12:06

I'd extend that to 'health advisors for babies with no problems'. I found they were great with the standard stuff but as soon as you ran into problems they didn't know what to do. I also found them quite patronising. And I think you start off at a disadvantage and looking pathetic when they turn up at your house after a good nights sleep and you have been up all night breast feeding and feel rubbish.

Perhaps I shouldn't be too harsh though, I am sure they are a lifeline for people who really struggle and don't know what they are doing.

mumblechum · 22/09/2008 12:08

I never saw mine at all with ds2, as he was under the care of a host of paediatricians, heart surgeons, gastro surgeons and f knows what else. I just couldn't be bothered with a HV on top of all the other appointments, so I put a note on the door on the day she said she was going to come round saying "mum & baby sleeping, please do not disturb" and never heard from her again.

feeble · 22/09/2008 12:09

all my hv did was make me think my kids had problems when they were normal. I thought they were supposed to reassure not plant seeds of doubt!
Just state you don't feel the need for any more visits thats what I did

Original poster

Buckets · 22/09/2008 14:48

Yeah I think she feels obliged to keep tabs on DS and assumes I can't possibly be coping with a baby too but she's just not a necessary part of the loop. Just need to reassure her I guess, that I have done huge amounts of research into ASDs and local services and have huge amount of support thanks to Mumsnet (and of course local family). Mumsnet is quite a tricky thing to explain actually, just what a phenomenal resource it is - people just look blank and imagine some seedy chatroom.

OP posts:

jetskier · 22/09/2008 15:30

You don't need to explain anything, just say you don't need any more home visits. It'll let her off the hook, she'll record that visits were offered and be able to get on and see people who really need help (like the thousands of mums in the netmums survey who complained of never seeing a HV)

claireybee · 22/09/2008 15:38

Mine said "Shall we arrange another home visit?" and I said "Oh no don't worry, I'll call you if I need you otherwise see you in clinic"
And that was that.

jetskier · 22/09/2008 15:47

here's the link for the HV campaign survey surprising result considering how often HVs are slagged off

groovychick2 · 22/09/2008 16:11

When I had my twins the HV I had was brilliant, so totally down to earth& realistic. However, unfortunately she became ill and her replacement was awful! When I visited her in desparation trying to potty train them she kindly advised me that as they were over 3yr old I had probably "missed my window of opportunity!!"Great, made me want to go home and top myself!! Then she tried to interfere when one of them had an anal fissure and came and lectured me on diet etc and wanted me to do a food diary!She also slated me for giving him a choc button with his revolting medicine he had to have for it!I didnt do the food diary, left a message on her answer phone to say I couldnt make the next appointment and NEVER saw her again!!

Peachy · 22/09/2008 16:40

Window of opportunity for toilet training closed at 3? Is she having a larf? IME most boys don;'t train until 3! Daft woman!

Have ahd several HV's, from the one who asked 'do you actually love ds3' in a crowded room that included my sister just because I wouldn't panic that he failed his hearing test (all mone did, and so what if he did have problems? refer and i'll deal with it then is my attitude) to her replacement who was fab, did her BF trainig with me and trusted my judgement.

lou031205 · 22/09/2008 17:07

Mine is fab. Haven't seen them for about 5 months. No issues.

GentleOtter · 22/09/2008 19:58

Oh, we got that Peachy. "Is baby loved"?....
My dh got a lecture on how dangerous it was to shake the baby and a leaflet. Given that he had no intention of shaking the little one in the first place, he felt humiliated and a very angry that it was assumed he would be shaking ds.

Our HV nearly wet her pants because we refused some innoculations.

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