What would you have done differently with your 1yo now that you have a 2/3/4yo?

[IAteDavinaForDinner]

PFB alert!

DS is definitely entering toddlerhood. I see a change in his understanding of things, he's making connections much more, and he's very clear about wants and dislikes.

People have been telling me "This one will be trouble" and "you'll have your hands full there" etc.

Which I am sure is bollocks. But because he's a PFB I need to know that I am not making any huge and eyewatering mistakes by continuing to go-with-the-flow as we have done so far? What would you have changed/done differently with the benefit of hindsight?

The prospect of any sort of showdown with him makes my blood run cold, I am in fear of his wrath

Need more info - what is he doing when people say that?

Being in fear of the wrath of a 1 year old is a Bad Idea, because you will avoid confrontation/ignore bad behaviour for an easy life in the short-term, but end up with a nightmare child in the long-term.

The only thing I did differently was to be a lot less stressed about the night wakings because I realised they grow out of them eventually.

I get that Bloody irritating comment too about my lively, fun loving, physically active little girl.

Ignore.

Do you want a docile pudding?

You have the child you have. You need to parent that child, and for me it works to let her go up to things, explore, run about, climb on chairs etc. She will learn about falling off all the faster.

And to actually answer your question! Mine is 19 months so no hindsight.

Just decide what you really will not tolerate. And bite the bullet and be strict.

So for us we are currently dragging toddler across the road, and not letting her climb into the babies cot. Tantrums are generally brief. They are young enough to be distracted from most other things. It just takes some imagination sometimes (there seem to be a lot of dogs just around the corner in my neighbourhood)

He's 14 months. I clearly remember when he was 6 weeks old the woman who took baby massage classes raised her eyebrows meaningfully and told me he'd be a handful when he threw a paddy about being put down. Which is possibly why I am clinging to the hope that it's all bollocks!

He will whack anything that frustrates him (normal, I think?), he will shriek if taken away from something interesting (again ... normal?), he stiffens/flails/bats away spoons/facecloths etc. Don't they do this?

Do I need to respond in some way that isn't ignoring it or making him put the knife down?

oh yes that all sounds completely normal .

I agree though, you ened to decide what you will and won't accept and PICK YOUR BATTLES! My big ones are no hitting etc and no banging stuff on the table at meal times - it does my head in!

I guess it depends on the child as to which method works best - with DD it works to say no firmly and a consequence if she continues. I also then move swiftly on to 'it's lovely when you're gentle distract distract distract so as to end of a positive 'I want you to do this' rather than ;I don't want you to do that....

I used to get all kinds of sly comments about my parenting from French friends of my DP (who thought my parenting insanely permissive) along the lines of "She'll never be able to leave you to go to school" and "You don't set any boundaries and she will behave so badly at school" bla bla bla.

Well, in fact, she is a hell of a lot better behaved at school than nearly any other child in her class and she settled in brilliantly . Because, of course, she has never had her self-confidence rocked by being told what to do and how to behave in a given situation - I let her work it out for herself. So she "worked out" school pretty damn fast.

So - I wouldn't have done anything differently and I am glad I was old and self-confident to stick to my guns when everyone around me was telling me to do it (very) differently .

He sounds normal to me
People keep telling me that I have my hands full with DS1(5) and DS2(1), just because they are boys. They are never misbehaving when people say this. They are lovely boys, most of the time

If you are at this juncture where your gut parenting instinct tells you to 'go with the flow', being aware of what is developmentall normal for his age, and respecting his own temperament and personality ... but feel the constant pull of a different sort of parenting then I recommend Naomi Aldort's book 'Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves' and she has a website too with some great articles about parenting toddlers.

I've read it three times and it has transformed my parenting style, and my dd is blossoming from a difficult baby into a confident, self-aware 3 year old.

Thanks for the reassurance/pointers.

Today we have had disagreements about: standing up in the bath; hitting me; snatching glasses; whacking the dog; refusing to let me put his pyjamas on.

Could not envisage how this could be abnormal - feel much better now, thanks!