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Parenting

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Original poster

The Best Age Gap?

18 replies

Boulders · 21/09/2008 18:28

We have an eight month old and are thinking about how long to leave it before trying for a second (and final) child. I would like to leave a gap of 3 - 4 years so DS can have our undivided attention until school. OH wants a small age gap so the children will be better friends.

Any thoughts/experiences?

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NotDoingTheHousework · 21/09/2008 18:37

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iamdingdong · 21/09/2008 18:40

sounds good to me, I have 14 mins between mine

SharkyandGeorge · 21/09/2008 18:46

I have 18 months between my 2 girls, currently 2 and 6 months. I wouldn't do this gap again it has been hard work and makes even the simplest things (like getting in the car, getting out the car etc) a bit of a hassle.

In some ways I feel like I have missed out on some of DD1's toddler-hood and DD2's baby time as I am just constantly so busy to stop and enjoy things.

However I am glad for them they are close, they adore each other and as DD1 was so young never had any problems having a new baby in the house. I think it will be great as they get older and will be at a similar stage for toys and days out etc.

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wahwah · 21/09/2008 19:17

2.4 between my two. I would have wanted a four year gap, only we were just going to have the one child...

Thankyouandgoodnight · 21/09/2008 21:05

19 months between my two and DS is now 8 weeks old.

I'm loving it!!!!

Not nearly as hard as I thought it would be

rempy · 21/09/2008 21:12

18 months here, and my DS is 6 weeks.

Not as hard as I thought it would be, but DD is continuing with nursery, so I do get some baby only time.

The being good friends thing was what was put to me by DH, who is 18 months from his brother. Now they are on very good terms as adults, despite living a long way from each other. When you hear about them as children it seems they were constantly constantly fighting, proper scraps.

So I think the dynamic depends on a fair bit more than the gap.

My most favourite story re the arrival of new sibling is this. Mum has home birth of second DS. Sitting in bed with new baby, in comes 3.5yr old DS with all his favourite toys. "These are for the baby" says DS. Wonderful thinks mum, this is going to go really well. " When he leaves...." says DS.

acoady · 21/09/2008 21:12

I've got 3 years 4 months between my two. I read somewhere that 3 to 4 years was the best age gap to ensure that number 1 no longer needs "babying" and is independent enough to cope and be involved in a new baby. Number 2 would then get plenty of attention It also said that the downside of a longer gap is that they may not play as much together and be as close as they get older.

Not sure if any of that is true and I think it very much depends on the individual child. I can only go on my own experience - mine are now 4 and 7. I had no problems with jealousy when number 2 arrived, and they play really well together now. Whether that will continue, I don't know, but I do try hard to try to encourage it!

Andrea

hana · 21/09/2008 21:14

I think whatever gap you end up with you 'work' with. i have a 3 year gap and a 19 month gap - both have advantages and disadvantages. Think I prefer the larger gap, not nearly as much work!

pgwithnumber3 · 21/09/2008 21:15

None! Just have one child only, makes life sooo much easier!

No such thing as a perfect gap. I have 5 years between DD1 and DD2, seems like it was meant to be as DD1 would have throttled DD2 if they had been closer together. Only going to be a 16 month gap between DD2 and DD3 and praying that this will work out okay. If not, it will be copious amounts of gin and prozac. I am a firm believer that if you try for a child, it happens when you are meant to have one.

ingles2 · 21/09/2008 21:16

we have 17 months between our 2 boys.
Yes it is hard in the beginning, but it's been fantastic for years, since they were about 3 and 4.
They are the best of friends, are into similar things but opposite in other respects so support each other.
Would definitely recommend a small gap

AuntieMaggie · 21/09/2008 21:22

i want a small age gap of something like 18mths like my brother had with his as his DC are so close and seem to almost have their own language. They laugh together all the time over nothing.

i had 3 years between me and my siblings and always remember not getting on with them as we were all into different things.

seeker · 21/09/2008 21:30

I have a 5 year gap between mine and so far (they are 12 and 7) it's been brilliant. Dd had her own life when ds was born, and could be reasoned with/bribed as necessary. They absolutely adore each other - he worships his big sister and she melts when he worships her!

There are plusses and minuses for all age gaps - I don't think you can plan it really. ust go for it!

traceybath · 21/09/2008 21:33

I've got a 3.3 year gap. This was longer than i intended as took me ages to get pregnant the second time.

However the gap has worked fantastically well. They adore each other and eldest DS who is now 4 doesn't seem to have suffered too much jealousy wise and youngest DS gets loads of attention.

CarGirl · 21/09/2008 21:40

I have gaps of 5.5 years, 14 months and then 24 months.

The smallest gap is the best IME and the largest gap the worst.

There are def pros and cons to smaller and larger age gaps you have to go with what feels right to you.

jalopy · 21/09/2008 22:09

I've got a 3 yr and a 3 yr gap between mine and it's fab.

Tbh, there's no perfect gap.

Dottoressa · 21/09/2008 22:15

Our gap is 2.1 years, and it's a mixed blessing. When they play together, it's great (esp. as we had a boy first, then a girl - so they're pretty much on the same emotional/social level ) But DS is, and has always been, hideously jealous of DD, and DD knows exactly how to wind him up and is old enough to work out exactly how to get him into trouble. It was quite hard when they were both small (they're now 6 and 4) and I had them both attached to me (I so vividly remember having to carry DD and hold DS's hand up the stairs just so I could go and have a wee), but that has got easier now, and we did get the baby stuff out of the way more or less in one go!

groovychick2 · 22/09/2008 19:06

I didnt want another one until my son was 5 but didnt bank on it taking 4 years to get pregnant again!Happened really quickly the 1st time.After having all the tests, finding nothing wrong I decided I would give up-and ended up having identical twin boys!!!Some things you cant always plan for!!

wibbleweed · 23/09/2008 11:37

I've got 2y 11m between my two boys and it's great - but think they all have their pros and cons...

J x

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