Confessions of your PFB moments, come on in - the water is an exactly perfect temperature!

[S1ur]

It has been a while since our last confessional.

I once took dd to a&e because she had a bruise.

A fairly small but hard bruise on her side.

I thought she had broken her ribs.

Forgive me

Now join in and let me catagorically state that this PFBness is open to ALL parents and ALL dc despite how many you have. Come on you know you've all done something cringeworthy in retrospect.

I kept a diary for ds for the first 18 months or so. I used to write when he woke, how much milk he had, what he ate, how much of it and if he liked it, when he slept and what we did during the day.

It is lovely to look back on though.

I also used to carry around the most enormous baby bag - even for a quick pop into town. Included at least 3 changes of clothes, 5 nappies, toys, sun cream, sunhat, 58 muslins...

I now just take my keys and purse!

Oh I am so pleased to hear all of these. It is making me feel so not neurotic at all. In fact, it is making me feel a bit bad as 4mth old dd'd fave programme is 'In the Night Garden' and DH has already bought her 2 night garden books...

I think my mum and mil have made me less neurotic as they are both so bad.

DD was at my friend's and we put her in one of those bouncy things you hang from the door - except they had it hung from the ceiling bit in between through living room/dining room.

My mum told me not to put her in it as the ceiling would fall down on her...

When I was a kid, I was not allowed to eat washed fruit that had been left out in a fruit bowl as the fruit would be dusty...

Cyteen, you wait... I thought I was queen of laidback non-neurotic parenting but I can definitely now look back and recall a couple of weirdy mad moments!

I used to do my housework with DD strapped to my chest. Because if I put her down she would cry....

I'm like a bleeding hunch back now and she doesn't give a toss.

Duchesse, you put a bandage on??
I left DH (and a pile of his mates. SHould have known better) in charge of DS once, while I nipped out to town. They were only drinking tea, but watching the rugby. DS was happy as larry when I left, bouncing around in his door-frame swing.....

I returned a couple of hours later, to find DH and friends all still glued to the rugby, and DH STILL suspended in his swing but collapsed forward in it, fast asleep.
"Er...DH.....??????"

"Eh? What? Oh, I thought he'd gone a bit quiet. He's alright though, isn't he? Stop fussing!"

I felt really bad for the other mothers on the ward when I had ds1, because their babies were hideous screaming red things and mine was a pink morsel of fluffy marshmallow delight.

I also changed his nappy so often we went through 150 in his first week.

I screamed at exP and kicked him (he was my partner then) because he tried to cross the road with ds1 in the pram without asking me if it was safe to do so.

I then stayed awake all night sobbing about the dreadful trauma of ds1 sensing, in his sleep, that his parents had rowed.

I constructed a food, faeces and sleep chart detailing when he slept, ate and farted.

I cried when he didn't seem to want me above all others (he wasn't as clingy as I was, he was also 4 days old)

I refused to sleep when he did, I didn't wish to sleep at all, and I made myself very ill.

I wouldn't leave the room he was in, while he was awake or asleep, in case I wasn't there when he wanted me. He spent a lot of time being dragged around in his moses basket (which I wouldn't lift off the floor in case the handle snapped)

I rubbed neat Johnson's shampoo into my eyes to see if it really is tear free (it's not quite as painful as you would think)

I left my mother a detailed handwritten list of instructions when ds1 was 4 days old, in order for her to wait in another room with ds1 in his pushchair (I had to see a solicitor) with strict orders to bring him to me if he woke.

All in all, I went a bit peculiar, bearing in mind my usual parenting is downright lax!

smugcolditz, pml at the shampoo and snapping handles

DP was much worse than me to start with.

When DS was 3 weeks old DP came home from work and changed DS's nappy. He thought that DS had a swollen ball so phoned NHS direct and told them it was twice the size of the other one. They sent us to A+E where we had to wait for an hour then strip him in a cold room. The doctor took one look at him' had a feel and asked with a huge smile on his face if DS was our first baby It was normal they were just sitting differently.

I think that this is why we (some of us) need DH/DPs. To give a sense of balance.
So, when I was sobbing as if my heart would break when, at 4 months, DH decided that DS should go in his own room at night, he said,"ffs, we're not leaving him at the side of the M1. If he cries, WE'LL HEAR HIM. So will half the bloody street."
And DS has made it all the way to 12 years old!

Oh LOL at you lot!

One from my friend today, she used to check through and sieve play sand before her dc played just in case.

I'm not what 'in case of' in a covered sandpit kept in a private garden...

PMSL at this thread -love it! We left our PFB at home with MIL while we registered her birth. When we came home dd's feet WERE NOT AT THE BOTTOM OF THE MOSES BASKET
and I freaked! Never mind that MIL was sitting 2 feet away from the moses basket.

Have to say, my favourite is smug's shampoo story!

Oh,and when we brought dd1 home from hospital, I made dh drive at around 2mph.

we rushed ds to A&E after he fainted (he hates the sight of blood and had got a tiny cut on his finger).

The dr pointed out that most parents would only do this if their child had banged their head at the same time or had problems coming round etc.

I felt a bit silly.

This was a couple of weeks ago and ds is nearly 4

have just thought of another one - co-slept with DS for the first 6m and then put him into his cot in his own room - the first few nights I would go in and try to hear if he was still breathing, even going to the extent of having to put a light on or get my ear right down to his chest, meaning my hair got in his face, because he is a very quiet breather/ sleeper.
At least once I poked him just to make sure because I couldn't quite tell he was breathing ok..

I'm really ashamed to remember that I regularly made appointments to the GP (every 2 weeks) just to get DS checked to see if he was ok, went along with some tiny ailment.

thumbwitch - I did this too and always turned my son over to make sure he stirred and was still alive. I did this every night until eventually my Mum told me she thought it was unfair and ridiculous...

I couldn't find a stairgate to fit the the bottom of the stairs so I put a row of chairs along the bottom. Then dp point out that he might be able to creep under them somehow so I draped all our coats round and under them. Then dp said he might attempt to go through the side of the barricade so I put suitcases on each side of the row of chairs/coats.

We lived like this for SIX months ffs.

PMSL at blackeyeddog and her barricade of chairs. Also colditz and the moses basket handles is hilarious.

I did the huge baby bag for outings, even to local shops - soon learnt to chuck a nappy and wipes under the pushchair lol.

Also did matching soothers and the digital thermometer for every bath.

When he started school last year, I worried he would get out at playtime to which the teacher advised me "we've never lost a child yet Mrs .." - I stressed even more on his first schhol trip.

Up to dd being about 5 months I used to walk an extra 3 1/2 miles each way into town so we didn't encounter a busy road, as I didn't want her breathing in the fumes -we now LIVE on a main road!!

I sterilised everything used by my PFB at home for two years. Only found out recently from my old CM that she stopped doing anything - bottles, teats and dummies at 4 months

PLease put me out of my misery - what is PFB?

can't believe no one asnwered this for you - Precious First Born/baby