4yr old DS has a lazy bowel and afraid to use the toilet - help!

[rushour]

Hello, i'm hoping other mumsnetters can help me with our dilema. DS has always been on lactoluse from about 12 months, due to constipation problems. Last year, the constipation got worse, because we tried to toilet train him, but DS would begin to hold it in for days, despite the daily increased dose of lactalose. This then caused a small fluid to seep from his bottom. This condition is called something, but I can't remember what! Anyway, the doctor prescribed movical, which worked a treat, but DS demanded we put his nappy on, which is where he has now found comfort in opening his bowels. He wees all the time in toilet, but when we sit him on the toilet he will not open his bowels. DS tells me he's afraid it might hurt when he's pushing the stool out. I reassure him all the time and have explained that it will hurt a little when passing, but once out, he'll feel much better. i've offered incentives and he still won't open his bowels on the toilet.

I'm at the point now, where i just don't know what other options are available. I think it's more a physcological issue then a medical one. Has anyone tried an alternative way to overcome this problem?

btw - he started full time school this week, so i resorted to no nappies, all day, in the hope he would start to use the toilet, because I gave him no other option. DS managed to withold himself for an entire 5 days, so last nite i gave up and put the nappy on. Within 30min he'd done a massive poo! I feel like such a bad mother. Can anyone please offer any advice?

No sorry.
He just can't be confident about it so I would just let him wear nappy and poo in a really comfy potty or whatever he wants, bless him. How stressful. I am dreading it for my ds, dd was self led. My son doesn't care for toilets.

I think there is way too much attention on his bowel movements. Put a stack of nappies in his drawers upstairs and a pack of nappy bags. T

Make no fuss whatsoever - they are there if he needs them - if not he can do it on the loo. His choice!

You don't mention toileting at all.

Lots of positive attention on other things.

If he eventually does a poo in the loo - keep it very neutral.

He gets attention and babying from all of this, which you need to give him for other things so that he doesn't need it from pooing. Don't talk of him being a 'big boy' etc etc. He doesn't want to be a big boy - that is too scary - he wants to be a baby. So give lots of cuddles/reassurance etc but NOT for anything loo related!

Good luck

You're absolutely right. I think he is probably picking up on my high levels of stress, on trying to deal with these issues.

I also feel some pressure by other mum's and aunties, who all like to tell me about how their children were toilet trained at 2 or 3 and i feel like such a failure, because DS is not pooing in the toilet (and in their opinion, he should be).

I just need to be strong. Thanks for the advice.

Just ignore them - if he's only doing a poo every few days then they won't know about it so there is nothing for them to comment on unless you raise the issue.

If they raise the issue, just change the subject. Or leave it neutral, e.g 'he has been so much better since starting school.'

The witholding at school is very normal behaviour - certainly neither of my DCs have ever done poos at school!

Hi I posted last night, as my DS started school September and was fully toilet trained day and night from just 2!
however as soon as he started school he started witholding poos at school. This caused a huge poo which caused a tear and blood. He then with held all poos for 3 days until we used suppository and he screamed. We then used laxatives and he went too much and bottom got sorer, so cycle started.
Then we tried lactulose but he was doing so many tiny poos..
We stopped all laxatives on monday but have decreased milk.
He has been doing little poos at home and having sttreaked pants after school. He also has been locking the door of the toilet and when we enter he has his legs crossed to stop the poo coming, which squashes it between his legs. All really gross for a grow up nearly 5 year old who is well behaved and very happy until all this came out of no where...
Today we had big progress, a normal poo on the toilet!!! BUT 1 hour later he was crossing his legs and a little streaking in his pants..
However I hope we are getting there..
I know how you feel, so stressful and no one to talk with.. The Doc has seen us 5 times over the last 6 weeks and clearly thinks I and my DS are crazy!!!

Good luck and let me know your progress....

reading your message is like looking in a mirror-my d is exactly the same! She to is on movicol and can hold for days (longest was 14 days) - after 4 sachets of movicol a day and 2 sachets of picolax! I just let her do it in a nappy have been told off constipation nurse to let her do it where she is comfy-we do not have a prob with school cos she will only poo in a nappy at home,on her own,in her bedroom! She is now 4 and has had constipation since 12 month-has your son had further tests to see what is causing the constipation?

Hi Girls, I am totally new to mumsnet, but am going through the same problem at the moment. My Daughter who is 3 is with-holding poo!!!
Have been give Movicol and told to use for 2-3 months 1 or half sachet per day. Have been told she has Lazy Bowel, and this should rectify itself with regular bowel movements.
She had cracked doing a wee wearing Nickers, and did to a point crack doing a poo wearing nickers on either the Potty or when out and about would say i need the toilet. For the last Month or so, we have had a total reversal, i have had to go back to Nappies as the poo situation was a nightmare! I felt like i was going backward with nappies again, but after reading your posts i feel more confident, and am reasured its not just my Daughter!.
MAny Thanks.