Help! What should I expect an 11yr girl to do without being asked?

[mistressmiggins]

I have a DSD who is 11 and has moved in with her dad.

It seems that unless I tell/remind her to do the following, she doesnt
a) clean her teeth b4 school
b) wear clean top to school
c) hang up her clothes after school

am I being unreasonable?

do you have to remind an 11 yr old girl to do these things?

I expect to have to remind my DCS who are 6 & 4 but I naively thought an 11 yr old would understand about hygiene.

I dont want to appear a nag so I just let her get on with it but she did none of the above.

Also, what time is reasonable for bed on a school night and is it reasonable going out with her new friends after school

any advice would be great as I am floundering

A-hah! Another step mum with crazy expectations, just like me! I expect an 11year old to be able to use a knife and fork properly too, how bonkers am I!!!

Yes I think she should be able to do all of the above, perhaps with a bit of reminding, until she gets herself into the swing of things, as it's all very new.

BUT if at all possible get her Dad to remind her of these things and to keep on top of it. Of course you want her to go to school in clean clothes, with brushed teeth etc. but don't take it on personally if you know what I mean - you may be seen as a horrible nag and that could create it's own ishoos...

Reasonable time for bed, tbh I dunno, every kid is different I suppose, as long as she appears rested and refreshed in the morning. My SIL's daughter, 12, needs 12hours!

No harm in playing with her mates, as long as she's in for tea and homework etc.

Good luck with your new family!

Nothing. Absolute zilch.

You are a bit.

I wouldn't have done any of that without being reminded.

I know the world and his dog will come and say of course she should do it, but I just didn't. I couldn't. I had my head in the clouds and in all honesty wouldn't have remembered without prompting until I was about 14, when I started caring.

Maturity levels vary, remember. A child can be physically very mature but this is no indicator of emotional maturity.

breathe

She should go out with her friends after school but make sure you know where she is - I used to wander.

I was in exactly the same place 12 months ago, even down to the knife and fork!

Work at it slowly and with stealth! A year on a lot of things have improved, she still can't be arsed to hang her uniform up but I think gradually their sense of what's important becomes more like yours.

Re school - at that age it was bed at 9:30pm, light off by 10:00pm.

Sorry, "re bedtime"!

LOL @ "hang uniform up" I didn't even do that in 6th form. School uniform is meant to be trampled on.

I still don't hang my clothes up without sternly reminding myself to and I'm 42

I doubt if any child learns to hang their clothes up until they have their own home. Though I do live in hope.

She's 11, but I reckon if you give her a year you won't be able to get her out of the bathroom and it will take her hours to do her hair and decide what to wear.

But she will still drop her clothes on the floor.

my dd is 10. and can be expected to EAT and want more food, served by me, and get into the uniform I have layed out but thats about it.

Come to think of it, i don't hang my clothes up.

Look, you can either drop this now, or you can nag about it until she is big enough to just walk out on the nagging, it's unlikely to change.

ds is 11. He does c) without promting (after a fashion), but still needs reminding for a and b.

That sounds normalfor an 11 year old. I would say 9pm is a reasonable bedtime and yes she should be allowed to go out with her friends after school.

thats fine

I just wanted to know if it was ok for gentle reminding

its only been 2 weeks and all new!

I am happy to remind but didnt want to tread on toes!

she seems oblivous to above and seems happy to be reminded so I will carry on

its a minefield!

Its only now, reading this thread, thatI've realised that I've stopped nagging DD to clean her teeth! She 13 in a couple of weeks! Like everyone else, clothes don't get hung up, but that's her look out. If she goes to school looking crumpled and the boys laugh at her, its not my problem. Pick your battles, as someone once said to me on here. A very good peice of advice, I might add! She'll learn.

Re: bedtime and going out. DD goes up at 9 for the night, but she's allowed to wind down and drop off in her own time. She is not allowed back downstairs after 9 though. I don't let her go out during the school week either, unless its a special occasion.