Has anybody else got an only ds who just sits and plays on the wii and watches tv after school until bedtime.

[hellraiser]

Hi
I get worried about it alot as I think that he should be having more of a social life than what he is.
The problem is that I have tried to encourage him to join clubs, play out with children in the street, etc, and I just cannot seem to motivate him at all and it ends up in a screaming match and what doesn,t help is that my dp will stand there and ask what my problem is and why I won,t let the kid just chill out and play on his wii or watch telly if thats what he wants to do.
He won,t join in with children out playing in the street as he says they will all end up at our house and he prefers to just play with one person and doesn,t mind just having somebody from school for tea.
The thing is I know that if he got out there and played with them he would love it.
as for clubs he will not hear of them, I suspect he is a bit shy with people he doesn,t know, and I did ask him if that was the reason and he just simply says that its because he does not want to go to these things and he doesn,t have to.
Should I just leave him be and let him play on his wii and watch telly all of the time.
I can,t even motivate him to go the library, swimming, etc.
Are only children like this and should I just leave him be and stop worrying about it.

I have a seven year old only dd, and if I let her sit in front of the disney channel or on the playstation for hours at a time, she would.

Instead, she has activities for 3 nights and on Saturdays, and although she sometimes moans about getting ready and going to them, once she is there she clearly loves it.
How about swimming or football or music? There is so much available, there must be something you think he would enjoy.

1 hour max tv after school, then half an hour allowed before bed.

Do you have any outdoor toys? Dd has her friends round nearly every night to play on the trampoline or the swings(although tonight they seemingly found it more entertaining to cut up slugs with my plastic forks and spoons)

I also agree that computers and tv have their place within a childs timetable, but I would be concerned about extended use, every evening, it's just not healthy imo.

You don't NEED to do STUFF

My dd just PLAYS after school

riven do your kids eat what they want too? your argument says that children know what is good for them! It is not a power thing to realise that is not true. How can they know what is good or bad, healthy or not, unless you show them.

Getting good qualifications at school is not an indication of an interesting personality. Sitting in front of the computer for long periods of time only develops certain areas of the brain. It is completely ADDICTIVE and kills their ability to amuse themselves. I guess they will be playing games their teenage to adult life as well if they have no other hobbies?

How many girls will be interested in that????? How will they know what else is out there, the big wide world which for them has shrunk to only the size of a tv screen

I don,t have a problem with wii games as long as they are not violent and are just fun, but I do want my ds to also have a varied life which includes playing out with friends, playing down the park, a few sports etc but I am at a loss at the moment as he can be so difficult and I don,t want to take him kicking and screaming as that is literally what I would probably have to do and it would just totally stress me out and of course I have my dp standing there asking why I am trying to force him which stresses and upsets me all the more.

Equally interesting article here

Let's face it, we can all find research to support our opinions on the net. But common sense suggests that children need a balanced range of activities which stimulate them physically and mentally, and help them to engage with and relate to the world around them. A child who does nothing except stare at a screen is not going to get that.

I think a rota of organised activities and playdates after school depends a lot on the parent's day.

I usually don't leave work till 5.00 or later, and by the time I've picked my son up from his after school playclub, the idea of him going to another activity club is not so appealing for either ds or me.

However, if I was picking up my ds from school around 3.00-ish he'd defintely do more weekday activities. As it is, he does activities at weekends or on school holiday courses.

I am rambling a bit - I'm trying to say that there's no single magic routine that will suit everyone.

well said mp

OK what would happen if you took the fuse out of the television and wii and told him it was OFF until your DP came home?

Riven I just read your link - it is rather bizaree its whole premise relies on this-quote:

"Prima facie, the fact that they like doing it is an indication that it is good for them."

wtf???? my kids love chicken nuggets and fries QED???

Some kids don't just play though - my DS1 doesn't either. While DS2 will happily entertain himself for hours. Some of it is personality and what they are used to.

But there are other options. He could help you cook? Or do bug collecting or gardening projects. Or write/draw something on the computer. It doesn't have to be computer games all the time.

I wonder if this sort of thing is more difficult to change with an only child actually.
Maybe with siblings they do more.

I love the W days idea Califrau.

Hellraiser, is there anything your DP enjoys that he could do with DS (other than play on the Wii)?

The minute DS realises DH is not going out to work he asks to go on the Wii with him but once time is up they do other stuff together. At first we got almighty sulks at the end of the session but now he mostly turns it off happily and they do something like go on a bike ride.

hellraiser am sure you are right. Most only boys I know play computer games a lot of the time. I wonder what the girls do though?

I guess as a parent you have to make the extra effort yo get friends round.

Tbh, hellraiser, it doesn't sound like you really want this situation to change. Your ds is 7, not a teenager. Why are you letting his moods and tantrums dictate the way the household works? Put the Wii and the tv in the attic for a couple of weeks and leave your ds to it. Like morningpaper says, let him work out what to do for himself. Yes, he'll have a strop - ignore it. Tell him you'll be willing to discuss the issue with him when he starts behaving in an appropriate manner and then get on with whatever you're doing.

That would make sense.

I think that when they have siblings they are usually really pleased when you suggest a one on one activity with them. Also they bounce ideas off each other for new activities.

rofl at siblings bouncing ideas off each other...

Not if one is 5 years older than the other.

Mostly they just bounce off each other, killing one another in the process.

I have to 'do' stuff with my only dd to prevent her from slumping in front of the tv.

Whether it is organised activities or just getting down on the floor with the playmobiles, if left to her own devices she would put the playstation on and take root.

I do think only children are harder work in the way they need more 'entertaining'

Well, all that bouncing is good exercise!

morningpaper he would have a good moan about it and would probably resort to the telly and if I won,t let him he would probably go off up to his room and play with his toys but he still wouldn,t want to play out or go to a club etc and then of course I would have my dp onto me thinking I am a nutter.

I think you need to work on your DP first.