Has anybody else got an only ds who just sits and plays on the wii and watches tv after school until bedtime.

[hellraiser]

Hi
I get worried about it alot as I think that he should be having more of a social life than what he is.
The problem is that I have tried to encourage him to join clubs, play out with children in the street, etc, and I just cannot seem to motivate him at all and it ends up in a screaming match and what doesn,t help is that my dp will stand there and ask what my problem is and why I won,t let the kid just chill out and play on his wii or watch telly if thats what he wants to do.
He won,t join in with children out playing in the street as he says they will all end up at our house and he prefers to just play with one person and doesn,t mind just having somebody from school for tea.
The thing is I know that if he got out there and played with them he would love it.
as for clubs he will not hear of them, I suspect he is a bit shy with people he doesn,t know, and I did ask him if that was the reason and he just simply says that its because he does not want to go to these things and he doesn,t have to.
Should I just leave him be and let him play on his wii and watch telly all of the time.
I can,t even motivate him to go the library, swimming, etc.
Are only children like this and should I just leave him be and stop worrying about it.

You need to be firm and take charge. limit the tv and the Wii. Hide them somewhere if you have to. Have 1 evening for family time (play a game), a couple for the Wii, one for activities, one for playing outside or having a friend to visit.

You have more patience than me, this would drive me nuts!

is your DP at home all the time?

I have a 7 year old and 5 year old boys - my eldest would quite happily stay on his nintendo all day. And I need to be stricter

However I have learnt that he is obessive and it can be anything - we went on holiday at half term and I left the Ds's at home. The cottage had a monolopy board and we played in constantly for a week. We have had top trumps obessesion and now it is Go-go's...

How about one of those lego sets - my son liked the build a house set, builds it, takes it apart and then builds another one - hours of endless fun

If you limit the tv and wii there's probably more chance that he'll want to do something like play a board game or go swimming, once he's finished tantruming/sulking.

Do stuff with him. Book playdates and ban all screens until they've done something else for a good hour and a half. Implement a rule about any computer games (ninteno DS, Wii). DS1 is allowed one hour a day on any computer game (and I think this is generous), broken up into half hour segments so he has to do something else in between. At the weekend he can have two hours a day but again only in half hour blocks with other things in between.

He does football after school one day a week, goes to a friend's house one day, friend comes here one day, we do lots of walks....

You've got to be the one in charge of this and come up with both the rules and interesting alternatives for him, until he's able to develop more interests of his own.

And if your DP isn't on side, you and he need a SERIOUS talk about it...

No he is at work all day but generally comes home about 4.30pm and then my ds jumps on him to play on the wii.
Until he gets home my ds just sits and watches telly.
I have to say that it does drive me nuts and I am starting to get depressed about their being totally oblivious to what I am trying to say.
My ds can be funny about approaching a group of kids that he has never played with and I have even offered to introduce him but still he is adamant that he doesn,t want to play with them and it ends up in a screaming match.
I really cannot fathom out my ds at all.

riven thats how my dp sees it but I am not so sure especially as he is an only I just feel that he needs some social life.

Hellraiser, my younger cousin was an only child, and was a lot like this. Sounds like he has got into the habit of sitting in front of the Wii, and I think kids need a bit of demonstrative help to get them out of bad habits. What if you stop by the park on the way home from school? (if it ever stops raining!) Or just go out for a few family days, like swimming, a walk, anything out of the old routine. Maybe that will help him to see what he is missing.

I think you need to have a chat with DH first though, because it would be very hard to do on your own. He needs to support whatever you try, even if he doesn't feel like it

god mine would GIOVEN HALF THE CHANCE ALTHOOUG H OFTEN HAEV MATES CALLING so then play together or three nights a week have stuff to do.

mind oyu its a pretty hard day at school
i tend to let em have anhour of doing what they want

my sister once trakced a class at primary school
when she came out she was shattered, said it gave her NEW understanding

What worries me is that his moods may be connected to the amount of screen time he is getting - I'm sure studies have shown something like this, haven't they? - that too much can lead to anti-social behaviour and aggression?

So definitely take control, set clear boundaries on the amount of time both can be used and offer plenty of opportunities for other activities. If the computer and tv were not an option, he'd soon re-wire himself into enjoying other activities - I can't really believe that he'd be happy sitting and staring at the wall for the whole of his free time.

My ds(5) is an only but tbh, we seem to be so busy that he barely has time to watch anything! He's allowed lots on Sunday mornings so we can all have a relaxing morning but apart from that we have rules!

But my DS is miserable as sin if he doesn't get to run round for at least an hour a day. We feel the consequences. So if he sat on his Wii or DS - and he would too given the chance - we'd all be miserable. So we insist on snack, drink then outside on the trampoline or in the garden or out to play with mates or even running up and down the stairs or on the spot or starjumps etc! And we even do this with friends over...

cwtchy I just know that it will be a resounding no if I suggest something like the park.
The thing is is that the children I have mentioned who play out in our street are not complete strangers at all, he knows a couple fo them from when he briefly went to beavers which I was forced to give up with him because it became a battle getting him to go.
He even goes to the same school as them although they are in differnt years.
He waves to them and they wave back whenever he sees them so I can,t see why he doesn,t want to go out and play with them.

You don't need to MAKE a child be sociable but I can't BELIEVE that anyone seriously thinks it isn't harmful to allow a 7 year old child complete access to computer games in all their free time

You may as well fry their brain TBH

You don't need to 'play on the street with friends' to be PLAYING

computer games aren't PLAYING - they are just lulling you into passivity

Do you HONESTLY think this is okay for their physical and mental well-being?

IT's BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE TO. HE HAS ENOUGH ENTERTAINMENT IN THE HOUSE! Hide them or take the fuses out.

he is SEVEN

children need to be CHILDREN

that means playing and developing imaginative games and fantasising and finding things to DO and learning skills for life and that includes learning to be BORED tbh

riven, I don't hate computer games, I think they're good for kids in some respects and I enjoy them too.

But I don't allow unlimited access for the same reasons I don't allow unlimited access to lots of things - because DS will not yet be able to know how much is exhausting him or limiting him from other experiences or how much it is affecting his mood (and it does with my son, can't speak for other kids) and because I think other things like organised play, free outdoor play, organised sport, playing with friends, reading, hanging out in a tree, creative play are just as important.

Why do parents hate what kids love and feel the need to do the power thing?

This is no different to not letting them stay up or night or live on Haribo. Is it because parents know that isn't the thing to do if you want optimal physical and mental wellbeing.

I do think the school day is tiring and it's nice to chill out on school evenings. I have to say that lots of clubs my sons joined they soon tired of. It can be hit and miss, but it's worth persevering with.

TBH, I'd concentrate on getting your son out and about at weekends when you can have a whole day together and relax properly.

Find somewhere different to go - a hands on museum, a castle, a children's farm for instance - see what's around. It doesn't have to be expensive. Don't make plans to go with your partner if you will end up having a battle. Just take out your ds, ignore his protests - you are in charge of this, not him.

My sons are 9 and 14 and I still do this with them. Time and time again they have come back from a day out, really enthusiastic about their experiences, in total contrast to their howls of protest at the beginning of the day.

Please have more faith in yourself that you can show your 7 year old there is more to life than a computer screen