2nd baby how did you cope?

[sunshine185]

hi, ds will be 30 months when ds2 arrives in november... as we have the space and no relatives nearby dh and i have been talking about getting an au pair in...

i am having second thoughts of getting someone in... i mean, surely i'll manage????? the au pair will help 5 hours a day 5 days a week, mostly with ds and keeping the house in order....

would be interested to find out your experiences when number 2 arrived whether you did it alone or with help?

will post in nannies, au pairs etc also!

thanks!

bumping as will have a similar gap in Jan.

Hiya, My DD was 19 Months when DS was born (he his now 1 exactly).

I was absolutely petrified of how i would cope, even though i have a very supportive DH.

TBH it was alot easier than i'd thought. I beat myself up alot in the first month or so trying to do everything with DD i did before DS came along, but quickly realised that this wasn't possible - and that DD didn't seem to mind.

The housework has lapsed, but i was abit OTT before, i still have time to do the basics but it is more hectic.

If i had the money, i would love a cleaner or something to help out, but would be a treat, not a necessity.

Conrgratulations btw, and im sure you will manage - but if an au pair will make your life easier, why not?

Hiya, My DD was 19 Months when DS was born (he his now 1 exactly).

I was absolutely petrified of how i would cope, even though i have a very supportive DH.

TBH it was alot easier than i'd thought. I beat myself up alot in the first month or so trying to do everything with DD i did before DS came along, but quickly realised that this wasn't possible - and that DD didn't seem to mind.

The housework has lapsed, but i was abit OTT before, i still have time to do the basics but it is more hectic.

If i had the money, i would love a cleaner or something to help out, but would be a treat, not a necessity.

Conrgratulations btw, and im sure you will manage - but if an au pair will make your life easier, why not?

click happy again, sorry

30 months should be a good age gap, try not to worry. The hardest thing is to try to spend quality time alone with them (IMO 15 month gap between them), at 30 months dc will be really playing and starting to be more confident without you. Unless you want the company of an au pair I would enroll eldest a couple of morning sessions in a local nursery, your little one be be sleeping a lot to begin with anyway but just to be able to go shopping with one child is such a relief, and to attend the baby clubs & meet new friends without a toddler is so much easier.

thanks for your replies! ds is in nursery 2 days a week as it is (i work) and will continue when ds2 arrives....

financially, if we upped his nursery to 3 days and got a cleaner in twice a week it would cost much more than an au pair.... but will defo look into that option!

i am having a c-section and with ds it took me a while to recover fully hence the au pair idea as looking after ds i'm like a yo yo up and and down up and down as it is!

and with having a winter baby i didn't want ds to be stuck indoors with me and baby non nursery days when the au pair can go out and play with him or play indoors if i'm breastfeeding hours on end...

i'm sure i'll cope whichever way, just interested to know more... he he

Did it alone.

Takes a while for things to settle down. But it does.

You'll be fine

Just realised you are having a cs,

I've not had a cs, but my sil did and she seemed to manage fine. However, she did have some help in the first couple of weeks (not as much as she would have liked). If you could get some help until you recover from the cs then that would probably be better.

I'd get an au pair for a while if you can afford it.

I had no extra help, but then 3 months later the house and garden are a tip!

My gap is bigger (dd nearly 4 when ds was born) but FWIW I found it was better to keep her in her routine - she kept going to nursery as normal. She was a bit wobbly at first but nursery helped a lot.

The most difficult thing I find is spending time alone with dd. I get time with ds on his own while dd is at nursery, but he is always around. when possible I get someone to take him for a couple of hours so I can do something with dd.

My eldest will be two weeks under two when the next one arrives.

I've invested in one of those soft wraparound newborn slings so that my hands are free and I can still have quality time with DS whilst bonding and snuggling with LO. Also it will let me discretely breastfeed LO at playgroups, the park etc.

It's going to tiring and a challenge but I'll cope somehow.

Lucky you, i say. Wish we could afford an au pair! (And i really do mean that nicely, not being sarky!!)

I will have exactly the same age gap when dc2 born in Feb. DD1 goes to nursery 3 days a week, and will continue to do so. Other than that, my mum & MIL both planning on staying for 2 separate weeks each, after DHs paternity leave finishes. They live far away so won't be able to just pop in to help as i need it which scares me a bit. Also, i had PND after DD1, which i think worries them that it may happen again if i'm on my own.

We're hoping to get a cleaner in the next few weeks, but that's all our finances will stretch to.

So i say go for it, am v

I have 18 months between my two. Youngest is now 6 months and so far have coped fine on my own with no help at all really...DP works long hours and no close family.

Somethings take longer such as getting in and out of car etc, and it is certainly more noisy than it used to be.

Have been a few occasions when I thought my head might just explode but it hasn't so far and we're all doing ok.

I am just a don't complain and get on with it type of person, so probably would have just soldiered on even if it had been awful.

It's much easier than being pregnant with one and ALOT of fun. 19 months between mine.

You will be fine. I had c sec for second baby (and first one) and it was hard to start with, specially at night, because the scar was hurting and I couldn't change the nappies. However, we ended up being a lot more relaxed with the second baby and he slept in my bed (husband slept on sofa bed!!!) for the first few weeks. We bonded instantly, and I could BF him during the night as much as he needed. I tried to give lots of quality attention to older kid, and I encouraged all my friends to come over and play with older kid and make him feel very special. It's hard work, but I am sure that you will be fine. I never thought about an au pair, as I think that the first few months are really special and almost magical, and I didn't want anyone else in my house. But that's personal, and if you think that things would be better with an aupair and you can afford it, then go for it.

Can your dh be around for the first few weeks to help out? My MIL helped for 2-3 days at the time of the scheduled cs to look after dd, then dh for the rest of the first weeks (2 week paternity leave).

I continued to put my first born (3 year gap) in ft nursery. I would personally prefer a nursery over an aupair.

Now on my second aupair, although these arrangements have generally worked out, the aupair is under your roof and you might find that for the first few weeks, your ds would not accept the aupair over you - but he will adapt IF the aupair is good with children. There is also a lot of settling in of the aupair that takes place in the first few weeks. Also the issue of the chemistry/fit between the aupair and you/dh. Too many variables IMO at a time when you want to be concentrating on the new baby. So my advice is it CAN work, but have her join you a month before. I will become apparent to you in that time, whether it is a match made in heaven or not. And the hard work of settling her in would already be done by the time of the birth. Plus she can help to look after your ds when you are in hospital.

Good aupairs are worth their weight in gold.

I had 16mo between my first two and it wasn't as bad as I had been dreading! You have to give yourself a break and realise you can't do as much but you will cope. Remember your dc1 will be eligible for pre-school when he is 3 so he will be out of the house for at least 2 hours every day.

However if I could afford it I would definitely have a cleaner or/and an au pair! (but then my 3rd was born when my eldest was 37mths)

There was 27 month gap between our 2 DSs. I was panicking before DS2 was born as we had recently moved abroad & hadn't even made any friends yet (I was worried about what we'd do with DS1 when I had to go to the hospital) and we seriously considered getting an au pair.

In the end it worked out just fine on our own and I was so relieved not to have a stranger living in the house at such an intimate time. I did have a cleaner though, which was a godsend as I don't know how I would have coped with that side of things.

Coping with the two children (DS1 at nursery 2 mornings a week) was much easier than expected, but then DS2 was a pretty chilled baby who wasn't feeding all the time. DH even had to go away 10 days in, for 2 weeks, and that didn't end up being as horrendous as it could have been.

I think 3 days nursery and cleaner twice a week better option we have had loads of help with DS aged 3 our old nanny staying on 2 days/wk and my mum nearby but DH had virtually no time off and rarely home before 8 30 and have still found it hard with 6 wk old DD-she is colicky a Velcro baby and still breastfeeding 24/7 (it feels like). I would worry that unless you already know au pair or comes highly recommended she would end up being hard work and yr DD may not take to a stranger at this time whereas she is already settled into nursery. A sling is a good idea and be prepared to whip yr boobs out everywhere, park bench, library, soft play....

thanks for all your replies! very useful and lots to think about, yes i do worry about the stranger in our home bit.... i had a cleaner but didn't work out, i need one that doesn't need to be hand held and just get on with things... hmmm

my mum is coming down from scotland for the first 2 weeks (all i can really cope with really) then dh will try to work from home then take annual leave until christmas and we are thinking of getting the extra help in january....

i'm sure all will be fine... i just want to make this early days stage with new baby is less stressful if at all possible as we have no family nearby (i am not a good tired person and from experience with ds i was one sleep deprived zombie) and keep my marriage and mental state intact iykwim!!

thanks again!

thanks for all your replies! very useful and lots to think about, yes i do worry about the stranger in our home bit.... i had a cleaner but didn't work out, i need one that doesn't need to be hand held and just get on with things... hmmm

my mum is coming down from scotland for the first 2 weeks (all i can really cope with really) then dh will try to work from home then take annual leave until christmas and we are thinking of getting the extra help in january....

i'm sure all will be fine... i just want to make this early days stage with new baby is less stressful if at all possible as we have no family nearby (i am not a good tired person and from experience with ds i was one sleep deprived zombie) and keep my marriage and mental state intact iykwim!!

thanks again!