4 yr old not interacting with other kids - should I do anything?

[malloo]

my ds is happy and cheerful but tends to just do his own thing, doesn't play with others. I feel that it's important for him to make friends but I'm not sure how to help him. when other kids approach him he tends to go quiet or walk off, I've said to him to try smiling and saying hello but pretty much I have to be standing over him to make him do it which kind of defeats the purpose! He has a couple of friends he has known for a long time so I know he can play well with others but he doesn't seem interested in making new friends. The friends he has don't go to the same nursery and won't be going to school with him either. Do you think I should just leave him to it as he is generally happy or is there anything I could do to help? me and dh are both quite shy and I would really like if my ds could feel confident socially as I'm sure it makes a lot of things in life easier! Any ideas welcome.

could you see if there are any classes such as music or something as this helps children with social interaction and have fun

Hi Malloo. I just had to respond to you as I posted on this very issue a few weeks ago, when DS (4.5) started school. I came back from dropping him off and wrote a long, tragic post about him not engaging. But you know...it's all worked out beautifully. He's made a firm best friend and today he forgot to say goodbye to me he was in such a hurry to get into the classroom (I was thrilled - aren't mums strange )

He did complain for the first day or two that "noone wants to play with me". Of course my heart was bleeding but I took a deep breath and told him, as sincerely as I could, that every child feels that way sometimes, that I remember incidents like that from my own childhood and that he should play by himself if there is noone around to play with. Perhaps that helped, but either way I want to let you know that he found his way into the group in his own good time, and I needn't have worried about leaving him staring cautiously and quietly around him each day.

HTH

There is a fantastic book called something along the lines of the unwritten rules of social friendship that is well worth a read for any one worrying about this sort of thing . Well worth a read just to make you feel a bit more confident about the whole thing. I came across it when looking to help DD who has dyspraxia but a good read also for parents of NT children. Might be worth seeing if you can order from your library.

Invite a friend over once in a while for a playdate, which involves giving them a meal, and all sit down at the table together to eat it - keep it light and chatty. At 4 he is still so young, but it paves the way for school and getting him used to sitting at a table with others. Also, keep up the playdates when he starts school, just once in a while collect him and a friend from school let them play, give them their tea. Hopefully, this will be reciprocated too. It all really helps socialise them. It's been a mistake I made keeping myself to myself, and with my ds at school now and awkward on the social front, i've really had to make a bit more of an effort in that direction. Also, once school starts, get him to go to sports club for football, or go to tennis lessons, or karate - all good for socialisation and confidence. Teachers and friends have had to suggest this to me, I might add, as it doesn't come naturally to me!

thanks for the replies folks. he does love music and dancing so I was thinking about trying a class for him . I will also have a look for that book. It's reassuring to think he may well sort himself out in his own time!