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Parenting

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Original poster

3yr old or older still not potty trained?

20 replies

mankymummy · 19/08/2008 19:08

does anyone else have a 3+ year old DS who is not out of nappies?

am feeling rather inadequate today !

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claricebeansmum · 19/08/2008 19:14

DD had turned 3 before she would potty train and then she did it on her own - night & day - in a week !

She was determined and single minded then and has continued to be so! I really think that this is something they have to decide they want to do.

Mummyfor3 · 19/08/2008 19:14

Both my DSs were +/- 3 years old before they abandonned nappies. Went very quickly and without many accidents for both of them. IMO, they will do it when ready. A bit of peer pressure helped (v competitive DS1..). When they are developmentally ready, they will make the transition easily and speedily in my experience.
(I did bribe with Minstrels for each "success" and they got to choose their own big boy pants!)
Also, remind yourself, that it is unlikely to be an ongoing problem when he is 16 !

I cannot wait to see what DS3 will be like...

(Love the nick name, BTW)

Original poster

mankymummy · 19/08/2008 19:17

clarice... how did she do it on her own? ive tried a week of big boy pants and eventually gave up cos he was getting upset and I thought... well, he'll do it in his own time... is that true?

MF3... thanks, but am truly a mankymummy today!!!! peer pressure good idea! he just doesnt seem to care about having pooey nappy though!

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mrsgboring · 19/08/2008 19:17

I'm sure DS will be. He's 2.10, decided he wanted to wear pants today but just constantly, constantly wet or soiled them. He has very little clue. It's amazing how quickly it drives one to a sense of neurotic despair, isn't it?

claricebeansmum · 19/08/2008 19:19

I had had a couple of abortive attempts so had some knickers that she had chosen and I think I suggested one day that she wear them and that was that. It was along time ago. But what I do remember was that the previous attempts were, quite literally, shitty. I really do believe that you have to let them come to it themselves.

duchesss · 19/08/2008 19:27

We started at about age 3 but he wasn't properly in pants until at least 3.5 years, and still has plenty of accidents now at just-turned-4. We tore our hair out over this issue (other parents/grandparents/aunties etc. were really no help here with their subtle and not-so-subtle comments and pooing prodigy clean and dry two-year-old children) and if I had my time again I'd chill the out.

Not every child needs to 'do' potty training in one week! If you have to have six months or so in pull ups some of the time then so be it. One day, when the child is ready, it will gradually all fall into place for them.

Our DS wasn't really developmentally ready to understand the benefits (and that they outweighed the inconvenience of not having a nappy on) until six months ago. It would have been far easier to just wait for that penny to drop than to try, as we did, to make it worth his while through approval/rewards etc. earlier on.

Original poster

mankymummy · 19/08/2008 19:47

hmm... pours glass of wine and...

chills out about it!

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TheArmadillo · 19/08/2008 19:53

ds has been training for a couple of months - started at around 3.8

Hasn't had many probs adn not too many accidents.

Psychobabble · 19/08/2008 19:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

2Happy · 19/08/2008 19:58

ds1 has just trained at 3.2 We had a few failed tries, though he got the idea for poos ages ago. He was getting upset, I was getting upset. Gave up until last week, have fortnight's holiday, figured let's just have some time at home (it's so much harder when we're going places), and he got it after only 2 days and we've had no accidents since last weds (touches wood). I do think waiting until they're ready is right; but I also think that ds1 probably was ready a bit ago, it was being able to have the quiet days at home that made the difference for us, and that meant waiting until we had some time off. HTH.

(Oh, he's still in nighttime nappies, BTW)

Original poster

mankymummy · 19/08/2008 20:04

thank you everyone... feel so much better.

only problem is that i wanted to crack it whilst i was still at home with him most days (he goes to nursery 2 days a week) but im starting full time studying in September and not sure when I'll have the time/energy to try again !

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Tinkjon · 20/08/2008 22:17

I am such a believer in leaving it until as late as possible. I didn't even bother starting with DD until she was over 3 (can't remember when exactly but I think she may have been 3.5?) She did it in a weekend, literally, and was even dry at night within a month of starting. We may have just been lucky of course, but I really believe that waiting helped. I'd never even start to try with a child under 3...

It really irritated a friend of mine who kept pushing and pushing her poor DD before she was ready - she took about a year and there was mine who did it in 2 days, heh-heh-heh

Original poster

mankymummy · 21/08/2008 08:12

that is very reassuring tinkjon.

im not actually uptight about it until i hear from all these parents who trained their children before they were even out of the womb!!!

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Bunch · 21/08/2008 08:18

My DS didn't do it til just after 3. I felt he was ready way before that but he wasn't interested. He used to scream and cry everytime I put him on the toilet. In the end I got cross and shouted at him , he said 'ok mummy' in a meak voice and from that moment on used the toilet and we've had no accidents since!!! I know it's not what the experts advise but it worked for us!!

Amethyst86 · 21/08/2008 10:17

DS was 3.6. I bought him a child toilet seat and left it in the bathroom. One day he asked about it so I put it on the toilet, sat him on it, he went and was out of nappies from then on. After two weeks I realised he was dry at night as well. Have only ever had two accidents at night both after he started new nurseries. He has only ever wet himself during the day once and that was when dh took him out and forgot to take him to the loo after soft play.

I will be doing it exactly the same way with DD (2). Already got the toilet seat in the bathroom for her. I really think leaving it as long as possible is the key.

Tinkjon · 21/08/2008 15:06

mankymummy (LOL at that name, btw!), I know that training babies is a bit of a 'thing' these days but I really think it's pointless. No offense to any supporters here, of course Sure, you can spend a couple of years training tiny babies - or you can wait until the kid is 3.5 and have it done in a week. Why on earth give yourself all that work?! Besides, I never got the rush for parents to be out of nappy changes - I'd rather change 10 nappies a day than be in the middle of Asda, with a full trolley and have a kid yell "I need the toilet!"

madness · 21/08/2008 15:27

nice to hear that Tinkjon, I didn't bother starting with dc1 and 2 till they were 3 years. I'm always amazed to hear people talk about weeing accidents on the carpets.....

Seuss · 21/08/2008 16:23

Agree - leave it later, they get it quicker! Had a huge hassle when ds1 started nursery at three and hadn't mastered the poos yet, we got to the Christmas holidays and he was absolutely fine! I think there's something to be said for having time to do it too - when you don't have to go to far from home and they can run around in pants etc.

scattyspice · 21/08/2008 16:34

I'm with duchsee.

DS did it at 2.5 with little hassel so we thought DD would be the same(why?).
We took her out of nappies at 2.7 and have had 6mnths of frustration and stress (not to mention laundry!)
She has now pretty much cracked but I so wished we'd just put her back in nappies and waited!

Pannacotta · 21/08/2008 16:35

I's also suggest leaving it till he is ready.
I was a bit uptight about it myself for a while as DS1 was 3.5 and all his friends were out of nappies, then suddenly one day (think he was 3.6) he decided to wear pants, went off to nursery, no accidents there at all and that was pretty much it.
He went straight to using the loo, nice than a potty I think.
A friend potty trained her daughter (same age as DS1) and it took almost a year of accidents before her DD got it, for some reason she didnt abandon it even though her DD was clearly nowhere near ready when they started.
I think boys are often a bit late to get the hang of it.

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