The Sleep Delusion

[Justthe3ofus]

I was contemplating this as I got up for the fourth time last night - that in many countries sleep deprivation and being woken up all the time would be considered effective methods of torture, yet we are supposed to accept this as part of motherhood.
I have been told by all and sundry through the past two years that my ds will sleep better with:
a) age
b) when he is eating well
c) when he is crawling
d) when he is walking
e) when he goes onto formula
f) when he is going to daycare

Well no, no, no, no, no and no. And yes we have tried everything and nothing works - I have come to the conclusion that he is just a light sleeper and hold out hope that one day I might sleep through the night again - although at 1, 3 and 5 in the morning it seems to be a very long time before that will happen.

It really is just as well that we love the little blighters so much isn't it?

So this thread is to all of you mums with bags under your eyes down to your knees, an ability to fall asleep at any stage in the day and particularly on the toilet with your head leaning against the wall, and those with the desire not of riches or glory, but just eight hours a night.

When he is 16 rather than prod him out of bed I'd say GET YOUR OWN BACK. A cheery "Good morning" at 5am a few times should do it.

out of interest, do you still feed him at night? We have a similar pattern but he is only 7 months, and I am wondering if when I can stop feeding him, I could possibly go somewhere just to get a night's sleep.

Hi BellaBear, we do still feed him at night, we have tried to cut out his bottle but he then cries and cries for it. And if we do eventually get him back to sleep without one he will just keep waking up every hour until we give him one. I work full time so this is not really an option i.e. I need as much sleep as I can get.

I have also tried diluting his bottle, but that doesn't really work. I think he might be teething again, his back molars so I can't really see if he is or not. That's the other thing you hear, is that teething lasts in one or two weeks disturbed nights. Hahahaha. It has been six months for my ds.

Could you try going cold turkey for a few nights? Just a suggestion. Get mentally prepared for it (ie you KNOW it will be hell for a few nights, but you do it when you don't have to get up for work the next day or etc). It worked for us. Worth a try?

PuppyMonkey - do you mean just not giving him the bottle? Do you let him cry? How do you know if he is thirsty - he does drink the whole bottle all the time. Do you stay with him or just leave him to it? Any suggestions woul be great.

Leave him to it. Course he'll drink bottle if you give him it. Same as if I woke up and someone got me a cup of tea, I'd drink it.

I mean. obviously keep checking a few times to make sure not stuck or anything, but just leave him. People on here will think I'm horrible for even saying this. But if he's two, he's ready to settle himself.

You have nothing to lose, I'd say!

Agree pm, and I know what what you mean about cold turkey not being an option, but surely, a few nights of hell would be worth it if they resulted in blessed unbroken nights? Am waiting to be flamed, but I agree that he doesn't need to be awake and drinking during the night, and he is deffo ready to settle himself. Really, really hope you can sort something out , I would be dead now I recko with the amount of sleep you've been surviving on you poor love!!!!

It really does look JT3OU that he is in a firm night waking routine and you have to be brave and steadfast in your desire to alter it, it is a routine that is not wanted by any of you, as you are all losing sleep.

Explain that there is no bottles in the night, it may mean you camping on the floor in his room as that is much easier i have found than having to get in and out of bed all the time but within a few nights he will adjust and hopefully sleep can come to you all.

By offering water you are prolonging it as it sounds like he would drink as much as you gave him so wet bed next stop.

It is a habit and i bet he stops waking in the night before you do

Thanks to all of you that replied. I guess I have been putting off the whole few nights of hell and then it all gets better soon. My dh really struggles with crying, he comes from a culture where you don't let babies cry and will get to a certain point and will pick him up. I will feel unbelievably guilty if I do let him cry and sometimes if it goes on long enough he will vomit, but what's a bit of vomit compared with getting him to sleep better huh?

I think I will try it this weekend, it is a long one after all.

Good luck JT3OU. Please let us know how you get on

oooh yes good luck and do it - we did and and it worked a treat - the crying would reach a crescendo that sounded like vomit / stopping breathing / murder and everything all rolled in to one and then suddenly she would be asleep. (we would check her obviously to make sure she was ok but no speaking and no lifting her out of the cot for a cuddle - just a hand on her back / leg to reassure and then out again). She was SO much better for having the unbroken nights as were we!!

Some kids are just good / bad sleepers. It's the luck of the draw. I figured this out a long time ago and now I just smile sweetly at people who talk about sleep as if it's something you can crack out of sheer determination. Whatever.

I think you can alter habitual sleep patterns but you can't stop a light sleeper waking up in response to it's environment.

How old is he?

Hi Morloth, he's 19 months.

I think he has always been a light sleeper, even if you go in when he's fast asleep and just adjust his blankets he will move/wake up. I take heart in the fact that people sometimes say to me that the more they wake up the more intelligent they are. I am sure this is a load of codswallop but sometimes I daydream - or infact nightdream at 3 in the morning - that he is a genius, will make loads of money and will then pass some of this off to his poor parents!

Yeah at 19 months then I would say he was just playing the silly buggers, under 12 he MIGHT still have been hungry at night.

I would still go into him but ditch the bottle. I wouldn't leave him to cry alone though.

This too shall pass.