OK, now be honest. What do you really think when a toddler is shrieking in a public place?

[Twinklemegan]

My 2 year old DS has taken to doing this - in Tescos, even in the library fgs. The library's a no brainer - obviously I remove him from said place ASAP. The supermarket's different though - we have to eat. I've started ordering online, but I still need to go from time to time.

The right thing to do, I believe, is ignore him. But oh the looks, and the shame. I used to be that woman who looked, nudged her husband and tutted. I used to be the one who thought parents of screaming toddlers were bad parents. So I lamely try to show displeasure: "that's enough", "I won't tell you again etc.". But I know it's futile - it's just for show.

Tell me what I should do! Ignore or react? What do you do?

i used to feel emmbarrased like you but after a spectaculalry bad tantrum from dd1 i realised and so did she that people were laughing at her not me! she was not best pleased to say the least

Swearing at a child - obviously not good. But I've sworn at mine on rare occasions (not proud of it). I think most good parents with sound parenting skills have had one or two regrettable lapses in their time, and personally I try not to judge people who are struggling / floundering. It's not nice and it's not warranted.

so screaming 'shut the fuck up you little brat' at the 2 year old in the trolley who just wanted a few seconds of attention and then dissolved into hysterical screaming at being shouted at like the woman in tescos yesterday is 'totally understandable' then

sorry, clearly my mistake for thinking a toddler doesn't deserve that sort of treatment

What do I think? I think of all the times that has been me and all the times it will be me again and I feel solidarity, because we are members of the same club.

Well, mine aren't toddlers any more, but I still have the screaming and stuff, so it still counts!

and for the record i snap too..... i just try not to scream at my child in public for no good reason.

i wasn't talking about general parental shouting in my earlier post, i was talking about the nast parents screaming and swearing at the kids before they've even done anything wrong and then being surprised when they throw a hissy fit

Oh, I try not to judge too. BUT, the OP asked for honesty! If someone is handling a situation very badly (not just struggling -been there, am there - but swearing at the child and shaking it etc) then I am going to be aware they are handling it very badly...can't not be.

See also my reference to being aware of lack of context.

Are you genuinely saying that if someone was shaking their child and telling it to 'shut the fuck up' in the middle of the supermarket you would just think " poor woman, glad it isn't me?" and not have a shadow of "yikes!"?

I remember offering to 'watch' a toddler who was throwing a tantrum in a shop. The poor mother was trying to return an item, and deal with a baby, double buggy, other shopping etc... So I offered to keep an eye on the the little brat boy. When he realised that his mummy wasn't paying any attention, he shut up.
I was wearing my 'Good Fellow Mummy' badge that day!

Lol at all these posts. Just to clarify, I'm talking about random shrieking, as learned by "if you see a crocodile don't forget to SCREEEEEEEEAM", rather than tantrums. Touch wood I haven't yet had to deal with the latter.

PinkTulips...do we shop at the same supermarket?

Hardly the scenario we were discussing PinkTulips .

The situation described was a tantrumming / shrieking toddler (I am thinking - full on screaming banshee tantrum and the rising feelings of helplessness that the parent experiences which might culminate into a "Shit! why can't you be bloody quiet" - whilst the mother dies inside and hopes for absolution / or her own sudden demise...but if you must reinterpret the situation to some low life calling her innocuous 2 year old(who as you say merely wanted attention) a 'c$n!' or some other choice expletive...I dunno (gives up)

Oh...random shrieks? Pfft, barely notice them!!

I often feel like giving the mum a hug and saying I know how you feel. But if I did she would probably think I was a psycho

You have to differenciate between a parent screaming "Shut up you little fucker" and a parent losing the plot a bit and snapping, "OFGS, stop your nonsense" and speaking a bit louder than intended.

The former would have me fuming and feeling sorry for the toddler, and judging the parents.

Otherwise I would just thank God for all day kindergarten meaning that I could go shopping in peace and avoid all of that.

Random playful shrieking rather than a melt down? Flaming heck Twinklemegan - you could have been clearer (she says with remarkable composure )

pre-DS, used to think FGS, surely they must be able to do something to shut that child up?
Would give child basilisk glare if within eyesight to try and scare it into submission (this actually worked sometimes)

Now - smile sympathetically at them and think poor thing, a few years and that'll be me, no doubt.

I used to work in a shop in London, many aeons ago - once a lady came in with her 4year old who was a complete brat and all she was doing was saying "don't do that darling, mummy doesn't like it when you do that" in a totally bored voice while brat utterly ignored her and carried on with general devastation of shop display. SHe might have been trying to control her murderous tendencies of course, or was on temazepam, but the impression was that she really couldn't be arsed, it was only some little shop after all.

Ah Random Shrieking.

Hmm, I would probably still think, "Glad mine never did that"

And at some point, "Will someone give that child a lollipop"

I would not assume that the parent had done anything wrong in her parenting, just that the DC had learnt to shriek somewhere.

Is there any way you can shop without children? I've always tried to do all big shops without children.

Well, I thought I was being clear in the use of the word "shrieking" rather than "screaming".

I don't even notice half the time. I am so immune to noise now thanks to mine that I just stumble about in a daze

i think " thank shit i don't have to do THAT anymore

Yes Pointydog, I shop online once a month. But I can't avoid the blardy place completely unfortunately, and I never get to do anything without DS in tow. That's what you get for living 300 miles away from your family I s'pose.

oooooh, random shrieking.

ds does that... tis worse than the tantrums in a way as you can't ignore it without bringing one one.

he can be very 'high pitched'

he miowed like a cat all the way around tescos the other day.... sounded more like a cat with it's tail caught in a door unfortunately.

and he gets very excited about random things and squels til he has everyones attention

have tried asking him to use an 'indoor voice' and purposefully speaking in whispers to him to emphasise the point but sadly he doesn't get it

if i see someone else's child doing it i usually grin tbh, it's cute when it's not yours!

It doesn't bother me, the shrieking. I try hard to remember what it was like and move away from the noise

Anyhow, I'm getting the message that any feeble attempts at doing something to keep up appearances are a waste of time. I thought as much myself. I've always rather admired that woman in the advert who has a tantrum in the supermarket aisle - I'm reserving that approach for DS's first real public display.

I have had to deal with tantrums btw, in case I gave the wrong impression. Many many of them, but thankfully DS tends to be a little angel in public (until recently that is).

Not read teh whole thread. Before kids I thought it was lax discipline (sorry), since having children, I KNOW it is not, and usually feel bad for the parent, but relieved it is not me that day.

Ignoring or distraction is the only way to deal with it. And that applies to the tutters too - ignore them. I would not recommend half hearted comments like 'that's enough'. Have you tried playing I spy (e.g. beans...) and getting him to point to them when he sees them (pick something obvious in each aisle, and a treat at the end if he behaves...)