OK, now be honest. What do you really think when a toddler is shrieking in a public place?

[Twinklemegan]

My 2 year old DS has taken to doing this - in Tescos, even in the library fgs. The library's a no brainer - obviously I remove him from said place ASAP. The supermarket's different though - we have to eat. I've started ordering online, but I still need to go from time to time.

The right thing to do, I believe, is ignore him. But oh the looks, and the shame. I used to be that woman who looked, nudged her husband and tutted. I used to be the one who thought parents of screaming toddlers were bad parents. So I lamely try to show displeasure: "that's enough", "I won't tell you again etc.". But I know it's futile - it's just for show.

Tell me what I should do! Ignore or react? What do you do?

Well, I left our tent at 23.00 last night and took DD (2.8) home, such was the screaming. (After 4 hours on and off, I decided that EVERYONE must have had enough of our happy little family).

In answer to the OP, I am just thankful that another child is like that!

My dd does this, not so regularly now, but ignoring is the best think. The amount of people (especially elderly) who tut or try to intervene is really annoying. the more you try to talk ehr out of it , the more it escalates. I usually ignore people. when we were on holiday in a queue for a ride she started, adn I couldn't get out to calm her down so just had to sit it out. most people just looked away, one hideous old cow said loudly, "what that little cow needs is a good hiding, that would shut her up" Needless to say, when i managed to get out, got my mum to hold onto dd, and waited for her to exit the ride, I let her know my opinion of her, her pig ignorance to my daughter and her steroid rage, and if we were being personal about each others children, then hers were severly overweight.
So, in answer to your question, I feel empathy, and I generally just carry on with what I'm doing and hope it passes for the harrassed looking mum soon..

I feel sorry for the parent.

I do get a bit judgey though when I see someone being drippy and saying "that's enough" with no control whatsoever. Twinkle, I'd stick with the ignoring if you're trying to save face (not that you should have to save face, everyone's child has tantrums in supermarkets). Love habbibu's comment below "when you're finished, I'll be in the bread aisle"

btw, her children did not hear any of this and neither did mine.. i said it very quietly and calmly, and then went and cried in the toilet

I think Oh that poor woman, she needs to ignore that child, I mean properly ignore her. No eye contact, no talking, no soothing, no nothing. If you do it every time, they soon stop doing it.

I would also sometimes try and smile at the mother and seem sympathetic but I think when you're in the middle of dealing with it, you might assume the worst of anyone making eye contact with you, so generally I just avoid them. It would be nice to be able to offer chocolate to strangers in this situation.

I look at my child's mouth and notice it is closed before sighing with relief.

We just feed them in the supermarket on the rare occasions they have to go. Croissants, bread buns, crisps, little bags of biscuits, biscuits, anything time consuming, really.

yes, or there should be an emergency chocolate kit in shops, you could just break the glass with a small hammer like a fire alarm and tuck in when required..

With a 2 year old you can do a whole shop on one lolly. Depends how you feel about them though.

I too think "HOORAY!! It's not mine this time!!"

When it is mine though, I don't just ignore it. Even if to me it's just silly screeching, to dd it's a real emotion and she is genuinely cross or upset about something so I try if at all possible to stop what I'm doing and give her my absolute attention so she can tell me what's wrong and I can either fix it or explain to her why it can't be 'fixed'. I don't let her screech on where it would be unreasonable to subject other people to it. I do use distraction if workable. She's learned that if we're in the car I can't give her my attention. I've learned to avoid being in situations where she's overtired and I need her to behave well.

I do think that ignorning a shrieking child teaches them that their anguish isn't important to you, or that you don't understand or want to understand.

When its my own child I want to die of shame and put my hand over his mouth (DS2 was doing it a lot today).

When its someone else's child I think oh dear there goes someone else wishing their child would shut up.

I also give the other parent that knowing look that says thank god its not my turn today!

tbh mine only scream for fun, not a tantrum. We get through supermarket visits with one in the trolley (yes standing in it!) the older one rushing about to get the groceries which of course they have 'found' on the shelves, hands to his brother to put in the trolley..

takes a lot longer but ds1 is 3.7, ds2 27m and so far no public tantrums. But i do have complete sympathy with anyone whose children do have public meltdowns.

Reassure yourself with the thought that every single other shopper has been that toddler at some time or another. Then if anyone has a pop at you just tell them they had their turn when they were wee and now it's your son's go.

Always works for me. But them I'm 6"5' with closely cropped hair and an air of menace.

am oblivious to toddlers screaming in supermarkets, I don't notice it at all... it's totally par for the course isn't it?

"Thank God mine are (generally) past that stage"

and "Poor woman"

A man came up to me in the supermarket while I trying to ignore my DD having a massive tantrum. I had turned away and was walking away from her when the man and his two DD's went past. The DDs were about 10/12 yo and he patted me on the shoulder and told me that I was doing everything right, it was just a phase.

Made me cry, but gave me courage to stick to my guns and ignore the old witches grannies tutting at me.

Depends on how the parent is reacting, TBtotallyH.

If they are squawking nastily back at their child, swearing at it or being variously grim, I will, I admit, judge. But I judge the reaction ( and am fully aware while doing this that I have no idea of any context).

If they are your run of the mill "parent with a toddler" then I think "God I hope he / she doesn't think I am judging him / her, because I'm not" and I try desperately to look totally unfazed by the noise and sympathetic without being condescending or weird.

Now that I am a mother of a toddler I am pleased it is not DD, and sympathise with the parents.

I think "poor kid, it should be at home in bed/ at home having lunch"

I assume it is either sleepy or hungry I'm afraid

Generally though I'm just glad it isn't mine

PPH so toddlers only ever have tantrums when they're sleepy or hungry I guess none of my three read that book then....

I ignore because the parent(s) probably feel acutely self conscious and awkward.

I am disappointed by this remark "If they are squawking nastily back at their child, swearing at it or being variously grim, I will, I admit, judge" and Twinklemegan's similar sentiments...

Personally I totally understand it if an end of his / her tether parent shouts back at his / her tantrumming child. Ok it's not textbook, but we are are all human and feel stress

didn't say that jodie

I said I'm afraid if I hear a young kid screaming in a supermarket, I assume it is sleepy or hungry

didn't say I was right to assume that

was just answering the question honestly, like the OP asked. so right back at you

sorry, not Twinkles' I meant Pinktulips remark in a similar vein

I tend to think poor parent, hope they can manage and not lose the plot. I tend to have more sympathy for parents that are being firm and saying it like they mean it. Wishy washy ones who faff about and change the goal posts every two minutes don't get as much sympathy.

Older kids I might think for goodness sake they shouldn't be getting away with that but then I think they may have special needs.

So I shouldn't judge the reaction of a parent who swears at their toddler?

But... but... but...

I judge... I think " it is not good to swear at a child like that"...what is wrong with thinking that?

Other peoples; Glad mine aren't the only ones.
Mine; DP's usualy shouting at them before I have a chance to open my mouth.