do you tell people how talented/clever your children are...do you realise how dull it is?

[brimfull]

a neighbour of mine does this all the time.
she witters on for ages and ages about her amazingly talented children
I glaze over
does she not realise how ridiculous it sounds and how dull it is to everyone except her and her family.

sorry needed to rant

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I had a friend who in every conversation mentions how clever her DC are and how she went to university.
She is 30+ and really does mention her degree and her "oh so bright" DC in EVERY conversation. Even when we were taking about a cash anf carry card she managed to mention her degree!

Met her parents and they mentioned her degree about 8 times.

people tell me how lovely my kids are and fantastic

I figure they're just talking

my kids are patently foul demon-spawn

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I love hearing other people's brags and especially those from granny's . I have been told how one grand daughter read all of the Harry Potter books by the age of 5! Fuffin' fantastic. This was said with a straight face and I had only just passed the time of day - it wasn't a competition where I was getting carried away with my boasts. My two children are exceptional - their reputation goes before them and we need not say a word as they ooze "achievement" from every pore.

you say 'thank you' and accept the compliment graciously much as you would if someone said you looked nice

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iCod: I had this a while ago
I managed to say "thank you, that's very kind of you to say" but i felt very embarrassed and didnt really know what to say esp as they then said it again.

cod-say thanks they get their exceptional talent/beauty/intelligence from me..now stop fawning all over me

"yes I know .. thank you"

"Yes I know .. they are wonderful, we are extremely lucky"

they'll bugger off eventually

I have no one to whom I can brag about my children.
Equally I can't remember last time anyone bragged about their DC to me (I am invisible).

But I like encouraging others to say how clever their DC are, what they've achieved lately, because ultimately I suspect they'll be pretty average in spite of apparent early genius.

I think it is dull.

I also think it is a bit inconsiderate tbh, as often the people doing the boasting/bragging are people with similar aged children to the person they are bragging to.

I have several friends who do this. The first ... I can only assume was lying, as firstly she started out with "my 18 month old has the speach of a three year old" (she didn't) and then when the child was three said that she'd been offered a place at school a year early which I know cannot have happened. I just tuned out to it bbh as I know the mum was ve insecure about herself so was obviously living vicariously through her child.

Another friend posts on facebook about her little darling's achievement all the time, and has also been known to tell other parents (with similar age children) that her dd's reading is so advanced and that actually she should be on a higher level than she is but all the other children are holding her back as none of them are as advanced as her this is absolutely not the case.

One of the things parents feel the need to brag most about atm is reading levels. dull dull dull IMO. Plus is it really appropriate to stand in a park full of people whose children are not as able to read at the higher levels and boast about how advanced your child is? I think not.

I have another friend who goes on about her dd and how advanced she is at reading and how wonderful she is at everything else and I just let her talk because my ds is on a higher level than her dd but she needn't know that. But if he wasn't, then I think her constant bragging could be quite upsetting to someone whose child might be struggling.

It is inconsiderate wannaBe, I agree. My sister had just returned from my nephew's SN assessment and bumped into another mother who was very aware that my nephew had possible issues and went on and on about how good her DS was at swimming. When you have just been told that it is very unlikely your child will ever learn to swim properly or drive a car or even hold down a job, it's hard to hear that kind of boasting without wanting to cry

That's so very true, spicemonster. You never know what the other parent may be going through when you tell them about your own child's achievements.

I think comparing reading levels is such a minefield. It is one of the reasons I am glad I am not massively sociable with the crowd of parents at the school gates.

We are very lucky in that our children have two doting grandmothers and doting childless god parents. They are all positively GAGGING for information about how clever/ talented/all round good eggish their grand/god children are! Largely I suspect so that they can take the credit - but it gets the boasting mum bit out of my system wonderfully!

But is anybody else irritated by the (sort of) opposite thing that I catch myself doing - a sort of false modesty?

As a teacher I find it sad when a parent can't celebrate achievement. Ds recently did swimming lessons and when the kids all got certificate with grade for about 10 things some of the comments the mothers came out with were just awful. Ds did really badly the first time, and I could manage to say "If you get 1 or 2 it means that you really have to work at that skill and next time you may get a 3 or 4", rather than the woman who said "That is shit, I just wasted my money, you are useless." for pretty much the same marks. What do you know ds did better the next term, and her son remained in the same class with the same marks. If you don't believe in your own children, who is?

So role on the praise, bragging etc. it certainly beats the other extreme.

I read an interview with a grown woman who had been a gifted child and she said the thing she most wished her parents had said to people was that she worked very hard.

Never type with a migraine. "roll on the praise". Argh.

i realised when my mum died that there was NO ONE, other than dh, to whom I could talk about ds (and now dd). That goes for funny/cute incidents as well as academic achievements. What is an 'Aaaaaah' moment or proud moment parents/grandparents is a puke moment for anyone else.

I know a woman who is constantly boasting about her dcs, in a humourless, competitive manner. I find the way to stop them is to agree with them wholeheartedly, as these braggers seem to want to goad you into playing a kind of top trumps. If you say, "Yes, my ds got one of those g&t letters too" they can then throw down their card, "But, you see, my ds is beyond the scale of g&t at a school with many clever children."

Twenty pence you are right about some parents going the other way and berating their kids for anything short of perfection.
I know one Mum who says 'there are no medals for second place.'
Well what about flippin' silver?
But there are also those parents who praise their DCs for everything and anything. On a recent trip to the States I heard 'good job buddy' from everything from a bellyflop to standing still.

I don't mean that I say things like "11 As and a B - what went wrong?" or "there are no medals for coming second" (god that's awful!) And I praise my children to their faces to the skies. It's just when talking about them to others that I find myself going all middle class and deprecating. I say things like "Oh yes she's still playing the clarinet. Still sounds like a dying duck...oh yes, she did get her grade 5 actually - but it was by the skin of her teeth"

"Oh, ds - you saw him playing with the elite group at football last week? Well, yes, I suppose he is the youngest selected - but that does explain why he hasn't read a book since last Christmas.."

I'm 35 and I picked my dad up on complimenting a performance by ds and in the next sentence of his email criticising my playing the last 3 notes too loud in the accompaniment.

He did the usual 'it's a joke, where's your sense of humour?' to which the only answer really is "I lost it in 1979 when I got 99% in a maths test and you asked me what happened to the other 1%".

I don't want to be complimented all the time, but it pees me off that my own father still hasn't worked out that comparing is NOT NICE. Especially as ds isn't stupid - I'm a music teacher - of course my piano playing wasn't awful, so does that mean that his grandad is lying about his playing too?

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all as my Grandma would say.

Oh Gosh, I am 7 years old again.

seeker - the false modesty is a very British thing - we just can't accept compliments without downplaying them. It's a reaction against OTT bragging but there must be a middle path somehow.