do you tell people how talented/clever your children are...do you realise how dull it is?

[brimfull]

a neighbour of mine does this all the time.
she witters on for ages and ages about her amazingly talented children
I glaze over
does she not realise how ridiculous it sounds and how dull it is to everyone except her and her family.

sorry needed to rant

I love hearing about other people's children's successes, and praising them for it.

I rarely talk about my own except to relatives and one close friend, as I've come to realise it's not the done thing in England.

If an adult friend got a new job, got engaged, won the lottery, got BFP and told you, you would be as pleased as punch and would not begrudge listening about it.

If a child got the lead in a play, won a competition, passed a music exam, the chances are that they would not tell their parents friends.

So why is it wrong for the parents to act as spokespersons for their children?

We are not living our lives vicariously; we are just proud of our dcs achievements.

Find me a parent that is not proud and glad to share....

It is mind numbingly dull.

I find it is the one's whose parents need to do the talking who actually aren't that naturally talented and clever epseiclaly when it is said out of context. Those who are don't need to tell everyone ,as it should be self evident, and those parents are proud but feintly embarrassed.

May I have a mini rant too?!

I think it's fair enough to be bursting with pride when your dc has done well (which can cover a whole myriad of achievements and/or progress) and to want to tell people but what really annoys me is the attitude of the mum of dd's friend.

She is almost brags that she has been to see the class and head teacher to point out that her dc isn't being stretched enough because she can do x y or z already. Nothing is ever good enough for her - and then tries to get the rest of us to join in her criticisms. Sadly it seems to be working.

Her child is lovely, bright, sensible. I don't get it.

If you want to do this, please save it for the grandparents or aunties and uncles or someone who cares, please.

I never do it, however, as DD1 has dyspraxia and even if she didn't, as DD2 has not, I find it in poor taste to boast about anything - it's unecessary if you really ARE all that and a bag of crisps. DD1 probably won't ever be the brightest light in the harbour but she's very comely, and her looks do all the talking .

Any achievements should be praised but not bragged about - you're right expat - I generally only discuss the dc progess (not necessarily academic) within the family or one or 2 friends.

What annoys me re this mum is that it's a backhanded way of bragging about her dd's intelligence whilst dressing it up a fault of the teachers.

I was grade 3 aged 9! Am not remotely a musical genius although can hold a tune.

If people do this to me I think they've gone momentarily insane or mistaken me for someone who gives a damn doesn't have a child with severe learning disabilities - and is therefore more interested in the basics of things like speech rather than imaginary genius

Expat- you could get away with boasting pride being American

JJ, it's one of the major reason I'd never live there again. All that boasting and 'tooting your own horn' fucked me off to no end. I was dangerous if I'd been drinking for having to bite my tongue attemping not to trot out my fav response to braggarts, 'Here's a quarter, call someone who cares.'

Kerrymum, dd recently did her SATs and we got the results a couple of weeks ago.

When asked how she did I just replied 'Fine. How did your dc do?'.

Only my mum, mil and one friend know the details.

expat.

It can be quite strident in my experience.

It's tiresome as hell, JJ. 'Oh, X is so advanced . . . '

I've found that yawning and leaving the room works well as a response, too .

People don't usually ask, however, unless it's the grandparents, immediate relatives and the like.

There's always pets. They can listen to endless amounts of boasting and take it all in stride, especially dogs. Your cat may get up and leave the room, that's where I picked up that tip.

DP does this and I can see peoples eyes glaze over as it happens.

Its incredibly annoying.

Oh I celebrate what my kids can do, just in private. Quite happy to tell them I think they've done really well in private but also think it's important that they learn not to boast. If they want any friends.

If DS has said something particularly funny then I might pass it on to a few friends, but 22 A levels at 7 sort of tripe, no I do not.

I'm confused. If a child did something like help an elderly lady to carry her shopping home (without being asked) I might feel proud (but keep it for my own audience) but why would I want to boast about a natural talent the child might or might not have? It would be like boasting about an apple tree bearing fruit - isn't that what they are meant to do? ie. the mother is boasting about herself really - it's all down to my brilliant parenting etc

how very American of you, KM .

I have a very thin smile I reserve for the (usually) grandparents who come into my bookshop and ask me for books for their "gifted" loved ones who invariably have a reading age way above their years. I want to poke them in the eye sometimes frankly, especially when, like jimjams, I have a daughter of seven with SN who has never uttered a word. I guess they can't help it, but it does irritate me...

No i don't ...but i really really really want to!!

So i just bore my mum instead

I agree, but love hearing about how awful other peoples kids are. This makes up most conversation wuith mums I can remeber (may have glazed over the positive stuff0 - who's got the most hellish sprog? I win every time

you can always use me as an example, Bit.

i always read years above my age and was in G&T programmes from year 1.

in life, it would be hard to find a bigger failure than i am.

so in truth, it may all translate into the Great Fuck All.

Agree it's dull - a bit like people who insist on showing you all 3000 holiday snaps from their latest holiday, but I don't think it's the end of the world, just normal parental pride and a bit of thoughtlessness. I know I was guilty of it a bit when pfb was a baby, but make a conscious effort not to now. That said, as I have no interested relatives, I allow myself an occasional brag on here which somehow doesn't seem so bad (probably just as dull though).

It always seems to me that parents who brag about their children's talents (and let's not be shy here, it's bragging unless someone asks you) are somehow taking some credit for their child's inherent skills. I suspect the braggers also think it's your fault if your child isn't NT.

Bragging isn't nice.