Kids and alcohol, a little confused, what is your stance? French mums view points would be welcome.

[MilaMae]

Just picked up the free ELC free mag and am a little shocked.

There is an article in there about talking to children about alcohol that says we should be giving the message that "Children don't drink alcohol" that "some adults drink alcohol,but children never should,there should be no compromise". It says the Health Visitors Association says we shouldn't be saying "Don't do as I do" It gives an example of a mum who only drinks when her children are in bed and if they see her drinking at a wedding she explains it's OK for adults to have a little alcohol on special occasions. It was presented in a way that inferred we should all be going with this approach.

Am I the only one who thinks this a little ermmmm Victorian, completely the wrong way to teach children how to respect alcohol oh and the Nanny State gone mad!!!!!!

I was brought up with wine often present at meals and we were encouraged to try it too. We travelled to France a lot and remember French children had a similar upbringing re wine. When I stayed with my French pen friend we usually were given watered down wine. Now I have children nearly 4 and 5, we often drink wine at meals and I let my dd who is interested dip her finger in to taste it and Baileys at Xmas etc. So am I completely wrong to be doing this??? Do other people?????

Am I right in thinking there isn't a drink problem in France with teenagers many of which would have had a similar upbringing as myself with alcohol ie one that fosters a healthy respect in an open environment. Surely hiding it away makes it glamourous and just something teenagers will be dying to get their hands on.

I'm happy to be corrected here as away my dc are very young so not encountered many teenagers since I was one

ime it doesn't make much difference if your teen has grown up with alcohol free flowing at home or not they still go out with their mates and get pissed..some more than others

I think the moral of this tale is not to base your parenting strategies on advice in a free magazine from ELC.

I agree with you, alcohol is part of most people's lives and shouldn't be hidden away as it only makes it more tempting. My parents always had wine with meals and my sister and I were allowed a tiny bit on special occasions from when we were about 14 or so. When DH comes in from work in evening we often have a glass of wine or a beer, and we have snacks together with the DCs before they go to bed, cheese, biscuits olives etc. They are only 4.5 and 6 and know beer and wine are for adults, they sniff it and say "yuk!" but if they want to try a bit when they are older I won't say no. Teenagers, IMO, drink because they have nothing better to do. If they had activities to keep them busy they wouldn't be hanging around thinking it was fun to get wasted.

I think there is talk of changing the law - currently it is legal for children aged 5 & over to drink alcohol at home, and there has been some discussion around changing that - maybe they are trying to foster new attitudes in advance! The article sounds a bit [ahem] American in its tone?! I don't agree with that take on things myself - look where prohibition got the US.

I think you may be on sticky ground with the age of your childern - I have an idea it is actually illegal to give alcohol to children under 5!

Apart from that though, I think it is fine to let children have a taste, and to see that adults are able to drink alcohol in a social context without doing it to get drunk. And I also think it's fine to let them have a small glass of wine now and then with a meal when they get a bit older.

I know, to be fair to ELC it does often have some good stuff in which is why I was so shocked I guess.

That's WEIRD, I agree

Why would you HIDE it from children? Weirdy

I have visions of my children coming downstairs after bedtime and me and DH rushing to hide the SHAMEFUL wine bottles...

We don't give any alcohol to our children (13, 10, 3). We are in France and lead a totally standard French life as far as food and drink are concerned. None of our friends give their similar-aged children give them alcohol. Everyone we know drinks wine with dinner every night.

Thanks for the info re over 5's had no idea, will tell dd nearly 4 to keep her fingers out of my wine for a while then.

So Anna if they asked would they be allowed a taste???? My penfriend's mum must have been quite liberal we were 14/15 though.

Oh yes, but they don't like wine at all.

We don't have any other sort of alcohol in the house.

we have wine most nights
children have water
they don't ask for wine

I'm all over the place on this one TBH.

I was given small amounts of alcohol from around 10 I think - certainly I don't think it should be given any younger. My mum and dad were very occasional drinkers yet I have had certain problems with alcohol; drank alot in my teens and binged in my late 20's early 30's, so it didn't work for me.

My own children didn't have any until they were maybe 15. dd hasn't had any at 14. They just weren't interested despite there being a lot of booze in the house. They drink a lot less than I did at their age.

We don't think it's OK to let children have a quick drag on a cigarette so why do we think it's OK with alcohol?

I let ds taste it. Mine are desperate to be allowed coca cola - wine is not really their top priority.

My nearly 5 sons don't like it either but dd nearly 4 likes anything and everything on the taste front. As she's asked I've let her as felt there was no harm in it she doesn't ask for a swig just a dip and not all the time either. Thanks, feel a little more assured

Anna888 has this changed over the past 20 years or so? I've French family, and I was given a glass of wine (diluted, humph) from age 11 or so when visiting, and I'm sure their children were too. I was given to understand this was standard, but obviously was 20 years ago.

There's more to stop teenagers getting bladdered than drinking a glass of wine with meals though, it's our whole culture (re drinking) that's different from the continent.

I agree with the OP, and bettenoire

I can't speak for the whole of France but the pre-teens/young teens I know don't drink at all.

My doctor DH often comes across retired folk (here in Brittany) who claim not to drink alcohol but when questioned say they "only" drink cider

In previous generations in France it was perfectly acceptable, even normal, for children to have cider and diluted wine but not any more.

DS1 (14) has occasionally asked for a small glass of wine. However, I like dry wines and he seems to prefer dessert wines, which I rarely have in the house. He has had a small amount of wine from time to time but seems not to be bothered about it. The boys all see me drinking wine and sometimes offer to refill my glass but without being interested in having any themselves.

I do think hiding it away like some embarrassing secret is going to imbue it with some sort of illicit attractiveness and therefore make it more tempting to children to try it. It needs to be viewed as something quite normal but tempered with the attitude that it is only normal when drunk in moderation.

I'm not sure how much difference it makes TBH.

My upbringing included parents who has 1-2 drinks each evening and we were allowed a "taste" from an early age and encouraged to have a glass of wine with Sunday lunch from early teens. As teenagers, I hardly touched a drop, but my sister ended up in hospital having her stomach pumped. 20 years on, my sister still regularly drinks a lot (but I don't believe to the extent that she has a problem, she gave up completely during 2 pregnancies). I don't drink very often, but have recently done something very stupid whilst drunk

I have friends who were brought up in a completely teetotal home (evil of drink was regularly preached) and one of the sisters was a terrible drunk as a teenager, I've never seen the other drink at all.

I have allowed my DC's small sips of what we're having occasionally, but so far they hate it. I do think it's like forbidding sweets though. When those kids do get the opportunity for some, they don't know when to stop.

The difference between cigarettes and alcohol, is that cigarettes are more addictive and more harmful even if they aren't overused.

I am entirely of the openess and availability school. Our LOs can taste whenever we have any alcohol (which isn't all that often), they can have either heavily watered-down wine with their meal when we have wine, or a non-alcoholic facsimile, apple juic with soda water when we have beer or cider. Their drink is next to their glass of water, and we teach them to drink it like wine: sipping and savouring, but quenching thirst with the water.

I totally disagree with making giving alcohol to children at home illegal (and the same with smacking - but that's another whole can of worms). It is completely wrong to legislate for everyone in order to try and control those few people who abuse. Education, monitoring, support are far more important and relevant. This 'law' is hardly going to stop people who think it's OK to let an infant swig back the booze - if they don't care now, why should they care then?

To me it's casual drunkenness that's the problem and I don't think getting drunk in front of children is a good thing

or leaving them in cars while you go to the pub with a bag of crisps and a bottle of coke (like my parents did in the 70's)

However drinking wine with meals or the occasional beer is something i do in front of our ten year old (dh doesn't drink so it's only me). She has asked to taste and gone 'yuk'. I'm an alcohol counsellor so i think the elc article is actually dangerous rubbish.

My mum gave me a cigarette when I was 6, it had such a huge affect on me (which I'm sure she meant) that I have never smoked a cigarette since

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn