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Original poster

Co-sleeping - any opinions?!

33 replies

waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 07:31

My four month old baby has the odd nap in her cot, but doesnt sleep for any length of time in there! Whilst we're happy for her to be in with us now, i'd like to know if anyone has done this and then had terrible problems in the future etc...

My mother says i'm spoiling my baby, but i love having her close to me, and some of the books i've read say that this is a good thing! Dh says that tribes do it all the time, but they don't have to get up for work etc!!! What are your experiences?

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fedupandisolated · 06/07/2008 07:48

Hi

I co-slept with my DS for about the first six months of his life - it just felt the right thing to do. I'm a HV so I know all the current advice from the FSID says that the baby should be in a cot by your bed. However, co-sleeping just felt so right and I think I'd do it again.
As DS go a bit older and we started to disturb each other at night I gradually started moving him into a cot - so I went to bed with him and then after a night feed when he was very settled I just laid him in his cot by my bed.
I didn't have loads of sleep problems with him - in fact he has always slept well. And even at 5 he still enjoys getting into bed with me for a cuddle - sleeping in my bed is a huge treat. I'd say go with your instincts and don't worry about what anyone else says.

seeker · 06/07/2008 07:51

If it suits all three of you then go for it. There are some fab books on the subject by Deborah Jackson - Three in a Bed is one.

I think it depends what you mean by "problems" I suppose some people would say that we had "problems" because both of ours were in our bed for quite a while, and still once in a while end up there (they are 7 and 12!) But we don't see that as a problem - we like it. It's lovely to have a sleepy cuddle first thing in the morning!

littlemisssplendid · 06/07/2008 08:02

I'm in my 30s and slept in my parents bed for years. Then my mum and me slept in two single beds in my room. I'm very well adjusted, my parents are still together and we are still a really close family (I still regularly sit on the setee giving them cuddles - just with a grandaughter in tow now). Just go with your instincts

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Original poster
waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 11:25

Thanks for all your replies! It was nice to get positive ones, I was expecting the usual barrage of comments like - what if you suffocate your baby? How will you ever get your love life back?! They'll never go in their own beds if you start that now!!!! So yes, i will carry on!

OP posts:
Clayhead · 06/07/2008 11:30

We co-slept for a couple of years each with dd and ds. They are 5 and 6 now and go happily off to bed on their own most night but occasionally still come into our bed if they are ill or dh is away.

We didn't expect to do it but it was one of the best things we did and has not caused us any problems.

HTH

Lazza03 · 06/07/2008 19:20

My baby co slept with us, partly in her cot right up against our bed, I'd just reach over for her when she woke up for a feed. I can safely say I was the least tired of all my friends (and thus happier and perkier in the day). When she was about 8 months she fell out of out bed and we decided to put her into her own room, which was a bit of a trauma. She now sleeps there happily and we certainly never have fights over bed time, she goes down after 3 stories and some lullabies. She is now 3.5. At the moment my husband is away quite often for work and on those nights she often comes into my bed in the middle of the night. I quite like it, we both have a cuddle and don't feel alone. She doesn't seem to do it when he's here, I guess she feels secure enough then.

Hulababy · 06/07/2008 19:30

WE co-slept with dd until she was over a year old. She is now a happ well-ajusted 6 year old with no problems at all. She is just a happy, fun-loving loving little girl.

Do what works well for you.

If parents atre interferring and making negative comments - lie TO THEM! [GRIN]

ChairmumMiaow · 06/07/2008 20:02

DS is nearly 6 months and we've been co-sleeping more and more since his dreadful wind went away at about 3 months. DH and I both like it, and made a conscious decision to do it - being fully aware that he may be in with us for the long haul.

We have a bedside cot that he almost always does from bedtime to first feed in, then I pull him over for his feed and he stays in with us.

Mumsnet is sometimes the only place I don't feel like a freak for this (and using cloth nappies, and planning to BF till 2, and using a sling most of the time...)

koolkandi · 06/07/2008 20:28

Hey I co slept with my 6 month old till she was three months and now she comes in with me from about 5am but sometimes earlier... I love it lol. The next one I have I am not even gng to bother buying a moses basket which i done away with after two weeks as she jus would not settle in it, or a cot untill baby much older jus gonna enjoy my bed time cuddles. My biggest advice to anyone is ignore all advice and go on instinct lol thats what its there for. xx

Original poster
waiting4bambino · 06/07/2008 21:33

At last! Some other co-sleepers! I don't feel that i'm being "too soft" now, and caving in to what my baby wants, and what i enjoy!

OP posts:
seeker · 06/07/2008 22:03

You can't be too soft with babies - they have no wants that aren't also needs. But if co-sleeping doesn't suit you as a family don't do it - grown-ups have rights too!

seeker · 06/07/2008 22:06

I do think that it's a good idea to make sure they do have a bed of their own, though and that they know it's theirs. Maybe use it for daytime sleeps, and, if you can, once they get a bit older try to get them to start the night off in your own bed. This gives you a bit of time in bed on your own or with DP, then bring the baby in the first time she wakes up. That way you get the best of both worlds.

VictorianSqualor · 06/07/2008 22:15

WE do sidecar.
Best of both worlds, DS2's cot is attached to my side of the bed.
He goes down by himself in his cot at night.
If he wakes for a feed in the night he normally comes in with me.
If I get fed up of having no room or worried about squishing I can just push him back over into his cot.
I think they need their own bed to help with transition at a later stage.

sunnytimes · 06/07/2008 22:16

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morocco · 06/07/2008 22:17

dd starts the night in her cot then I bring her in to me when she wakes up and cries. she's 15 months. i expect she will stop waking up and crying at some point and will stay in her room more but up to her when she does. ds1 and ds2 still creep back in sometimes. interestingly, ds1 (5)loves being in my bed but I never let him co sleep with us til he was about 3 and had terrible problems sleeping. ds2 co slept with us til he was about 2 and since then he has slept very very soundly in his own bed and hardly ever wakes up early to come into ours. so on that unscientific note, i think co sleeping in the early days gives them more confidence to sleep by themselves as they get older.
dd never has daytime sleeps in her cot, neither did my boys. when younger she slept in my arms, often in a sling, and now she sleeps mostly in the pushchair. as she'll soon be stopping her daytime sleeps altogether it doesn't really matter to me where she sleeps in the day (in case that is another worry)

VictorianSqualor · 06/07/2008 22:17

sunnytimes, another reason why I like to do the sidecar, if DS2 was to move at all (won't really for a while, he's only 3 months but...) he can only get as far as his cot bars.

sunnytimes · 06/07/2008 22:20

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VictorianSqualor · 06/07/2008 22:25

We cheated, bought the cheap £50 ikea cot and took the side off, it's great!

(can you tell it was a third child? No faffing with 'nice' things, just practicality)

cupsoftea · 06/07/2008 22:27

I co-sleep with no naps in a cot - no problems with moving to a cot at 10-13 months

sunnytimes · 06/07/2008 22:27

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Janni · 06/07/2008 22:41

I was very into the co-sleeping philosophy with DS1 (now 12). I didn't persevere with the bedside bed we'd bought at vast expense as it seemed the only way to settle him was to have him in bed with us. It was nice when he was a baby, but got annoying when he was a very fidgety toddler and when we finally put him in his own room (aged nearly 3), he would invariably come in during the night and climb in with us...As he got older it was fine though - no lasting problems and he is very independent.

With DS2 he settled much more easliy in a cot and that's what we did. I think if the child settles easily in a cot it's probably a good idea to use one because as time goes on and more children come along, you might find you want your bed to yourself as the only bit of peace you get all day. You might also find that you and your partner want a child-free space so you can conceive the next one

Paris88 · 07/07/2008 14:56

We co-sleep and its great. There is 4 of us. we put our bed against the wall so 14 week baby doesnt roll/ wiggle his way out of bed. I sleep next to him, our 28 month old son sleeps on the other side of me- between my husband and I.
My mum said similar things- you are spoiling your babys etc I dont think you can spoil a child by making them feel lovede and secure. My DH is Chinese and every body here co-sleeps with their babys til about 3 years (he slept with his parents till 8!) Our kids wont be doing that though

MarsLady · 07/07/2008 14:58

Loved it! All of mine moved out of the bed by around 2.5 (though DT2 likes to sneak back in occasionally aged 4.5). I can happily say that mine aren't spoilt and all sleep soundly in their own beds.

hanaflowerisnothana · 07/07/2008 15:07

This reply has been deleted

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wittyusername · 07/07/2008 16:15

Like littlemiss I co-slept with my parents when I was a child... no sleep issues at all for me!

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